To be pissed off with husband saying he gives me an ‘allowance’

[Heaths88]

Views welcome on this - my H works full time, I am part time 4 days a week with Friday’s off to spend with our youngest child.

H transfers me money ad-hoc to go towards days out on these Friday’s etc.

Last night, he asked me whether the amount he is transferring is enough or if he needs to increase ‘my allowance’.

I said I don’t need an allowance, it’s money for our child. He stood by the description and told me to stop nit picking and that it’s good of him to be providing money when many other fathers wouldn’t bother as ‘they’d be busy working keeping a roof over their heads’.

There’s very little between our salaries btw.

I feel that a lot of millennial women are overly sensitive about this sort of stuff. Thankfully Gen Z women are much more trad, like the generations before millennial

Be grateful that he is giving you money for a day out, if your salaries are so close surely you could pay for it yourself if your so independent

You’re not back to the 1990 but the 1920 there.

Its money to care for the child, take them for outings etc… not for the OP!
So yes he should contribute. And no the OP should not be grateful if he is contributing to raising his own child.

Having said that, I’m not a millennial. My DCs are generation Z and they’re not ‘reverting’ to traditional roles. Quite the opposite.

But the day you separate, if you do, then it’s all the same…

Condescending sod.
Suggest to him he takes over child care Monday morning till Wednesday lunch time, when you will work (and not need his allowamce). He can work Wednesday lunch till Friday.
I'm not being flippant, it's either a team work, or he ll have to cut his hours.

No it isn't.

You should I both go down to 0.9 contacts and alternate the Fridays off

Tell him to keep 'his' money. Who does he think he is?

Well I think it is thoughtful he was asking if you needed more so not sure what the problem is. How is he supposed to know if you need more if he didn't ask and tbh nit picky over words I couldn't be bothered with that in my marriage there's more to having a happy life lol.

She doesn't work 40%, she works 4 days a week, so probably at least 80%.

Equality?

The OP has reduced her working hours affecting her career to look after their JOINT child, saving him money on childcare.

Her paying for the privilege of her lost wages whilst providing childcare too is neither equality not equity.

Allowance? He deserves a strip tearing off him.

I agree with this. I don’t see why he is transferring money across when you earn a similar amount & have a joint account. Just pay for things from the joint account.

I guess it also depends on what you do on a Friday. Is it just local toddler group which is £1.50 or are you off to the zoo & soft plays? He might feel like he is subbing you because you are opting for pricey activities.

She said she’s “part time 4 days a week”, I read that as four half days? Either way, doesn’t change my point!

She said they earn the same - why you making shite up 😂

Maybe try communicating without swearing ...OP says in her 2nd post he "earns slightly higher" and she works one day less a week. That's not earning the same.

It's only a word. What a fuss.

Girl are you being for real 🤣 don’t police other peoples language be for real right now. Like I said - who chose she got the day off, maybe her husband would also like to work 4 days to spend one with their child? What’s slightly higher, £1 more a month would be higher would it not? Engage in some critical thinking perhaps.

When I read posts like this - and the subsequent replies tearing into the husband who has the nerve to ask his wife if she needs extra money - it just convinces me that the fight of equality was won years ago.
My generation fought for equality in the workplace, our mothers fought for financial equality, our grandmothers fought for women to get the vote.
This generation have nothing left to fight for but silly nitpicking like this and for some reason seem to think that swearing and name calling makes them sound strident.
Stop the bus.

Same - then it's just there in the joint account to be used by whoever for family expenses.

The money left after bills for doing the food shop etc is expected to cover anything for the kids too

Id go back full time and then he can pay someone else a fucking salary plus extras. Twat.

I think some posters have seriously lost a grip.
HE IS ASKING IF SHE WANTS ANY EXTRA MONEY.
A twat indeed

Exactly plus why on earth does she need pocket money from her dh when their salaries are similar?

Activities with a young child tend to involve the park and snacks, not something someone else needs to finance.

tbh he probably doesn’t mean it how it sounds. I also work part time with DH working full time and he sends me money each Friday (just the way we work our bills shopping etc) we always just refer to it as housekeeping money which is probably old fashioned

You split childcare costs, so he should give you half of what you would pay if the child was in nursery that day. Or half what you would earn if you were working, as your child is benefiting from a day with their parent.

Given he was offering you more money, I would have called him a patronising git, but not got into a big argument about it.

Indeed it’s usually Millennial women tbh, shouting and swearing about men on here. They are also typically proponents of gentle or child centred parenting. They have totally lost the plot, it’s frightening to think what these kids they are raising will be like when they grow up

I think that’s why a lot of millennial men are getting Gen Z wives as they are much more trad in general, and have more traditional views on raising children and marriage compared to the girl boss millennial generation

If OP went back to work, they would have to hire a nanny or use daycare, which isn't cheap. It's not 'an allowance,' it's the payback for OP looking after their child, which, if she didn't do, he would have to pay much more for.