To be pissed off with husband saying he gives me an ‘allowance’

[Heaths88]

Views welcome on this - my H works full time, I am part time 4 days a week with Friday’s off to spend with our youngest child.

H transfers me money ad-hoc to go towards days out on these Friday’s etc.

Last night, he asked me whether the amount he is transferring is enough or if he needs to increase ‘my allowance’.

I said I don’t need an allowance, it’s money for our child. He stood by the description and told me to stop nit picking and that it’s good of him to be providing money when many other fathers wouldn’t bother as ‘they’d be busy working keeping a roof over their heads’.

There’s very little between our salaries btw.

haven't read whole thread, but have read all OP posts. So unless it has been said , how much would childcare be for that day, to enable you to work the fifth day? Do you do the cooking and cleaning (even just that day) Make a bill..Give it to him. It is now your wage that you have missed out on to help him raise HIS child. Asswipe. (not you, him)

Every time he does, refer to it as payment for your provision of cut-price childcare or similar.

But OP clearly appreciates having that money to spend. I wouldn't appreciate the A word, but he'd have got an eye roll and I'd have ignored it. I wonder if DH is allowed to drop a day to spend it with their child or if he is expected to work full time because of the bills?

I am wondering if there are as many family fun days out or if it mostly fun Fridays with just mum while dad is stuck at work?

If you are 50:50 on everything else but you earn 4/5 of his earnings plus childcare on another day...the net contributor, the allowance giver is YOU 🌸

As a single parent I wouldn't give a toss what he called it. Not every father goes above and beyond to ' provide ' as its 'their job' as mentioned. im lucky my ex does. Count yourself lucky and be grateful. If you aren't keen on the word just tell him and have the conversation as adults do. If he continues, we'll thsts a different conversation. It's like you dont feel respected

Why are they contributing 50:50 to bills when she earns less and provides childcare one day a week...they should be paying bills in proportion to their income and he should be paying for the days wage she sacrifices to do Friday childcare / or paying the childcare rate...do you think that amount will be bigger than the "allowance"...I do.

This is an example of a woman sacrificing earning potential, then having to ask for expenses reimbursement for the days work 🤦‍♀️and being told it is an "allowance" not a pitiful evening up of financial resources.

Why do people keep referring to looking after her own child as "providing childcare" and something billable!?

I love spending an extra day with my child, I condensed my hours into full time over four days to do it. I certainly don't expect to be paid for it! It's a privilege to go and do fun things with your child every week instead of going to work! One the husband isn't getting.

So why should he have to stump up for it? They earn equally OP says so unless her husband is getting Daddy days out, only him and his child, and she is giving him money for it to go and have fun to keep things equal then it's weird for him to be giving her money for her fun days out.

Stop acting as if it's purely a benefit for the child and it's a chore for her, she's going to be enjoying the activities too, and if she's not, I suggest she goes back to work on the 5th day and pays someone to do child care and fun things with the child and stop being a martyr.

Don't be so precious, touchy and just ridiculous. You should be thankful he contributes to you expenses to do things with your child. He sounds like a nice man that deserves better treatment than you give him

Maybe she chooses to do that though. So not a sacrifice.

I really couldn’t have put it better myself, I like you! 😂

All of these men don’t realise how lucky they are with their sweet wives and girlfriends- I have a zero tolerance policy and would have put him straight so fast.

It’s a bit weird and willy wagging to me. My Dh contributes significantly to my days out with our dc (I’m currently off work due to illness so most days out are arranged and paid for by me), and he does that by contributing equitably according to his income to our joint account. Everything related to dc is paid out of our joint account. My personal account is for my own personal bills, any thing I might go and do on my own, my hobbies, etc.

It sounds like he’s trying to be Bob Big Dick offering up some housekeeping money when all he needs to do is pay fairly into your joint account.

If he likes to play "allowances" invoice him for half of what going babysitter rates are for Fridays and half of hot chocolate/ice-cream/etc for the child (all bills attached). After all you are foregoing 20% of your wages and saving 4.5 days a month nursery fees.

Choice or not she is losing out financially, affecting her future for a responsibility (their child) that isn't hers alone. .there is no "allowance" here...that's just out of pocket expenses...meanwhile she is giving him a huge financial gift 20% of her earning potential

Surely it could go both ways though and the husband saying why should he give money to someone who chooses not to work full time for jollies?

But equally he could "invoice" OP for half the money she's not earning because she chooses not to work on Fridays.

I suspect the money OP earns is more than the cost of childcare (particularly as providers often give a discount if you use a whole week rather than a smaller number of days).

So he pays towards your dc and irs an allowance? Abd if you paid what would that be?

Yes yes and she could invoice him for rgec9 months iof carrying his child

Sounding ridiculous don’t you think?

Why doesn't the money for days out on a Friday come out of the joint account? Surely it's just a normal bog standard living expense like food or petrol?

It may sound outdated but it is, by definition, and allowance.
An allowance for your weekly fun days. Nothing to get het up about really 🤷🏾‍♀️.

Why don't you just take it out of the joint account? Why does he have to be awarding you extra money?

He’s asking if he needs to increase his contribution to the joint account, but using patronising language to do it.

Big red flag 🚩 here for coercive control and financially trying to bully you

I just wouldn’t put up with this id leave! Nobody would patronise me like this not a bloody chance in hell!

So then shed be skint and couldn't afford to take the child out as be working to support herself. And child would grow up without its father Great move over some old fashioned language

Yes, for "their" child. She said they earn the same so having an allowance seems unfair necessary IMO