To be pissed off with husband saying he gives me an ‘allowance’

[Heaths88]

Views welcome on this - my H works full time, I am part time 4 days a week with Friday’s off to spend with our youngest child.

H transfers me money ad-hoc to go towards days out on these Friday’s etc.

Last night, he asked me whether the amount he is transferring is enough or if he needs to increase ‘my allowance’.

I said I don’t need an allowance, it’s money for our child. He stood by the description and told me to stop nit picking and that it’s good of him to be providing money when many other fathers wouldn’t bother as ‘they’d be busy working keeping a roof over their heads’.

There’s very little between our salaries btw.

Do you tease your hair and put a bow in it before he comes in from work after you’ve made sure his dinner is on the table?

So we have a similar set up to you, also similar salary, also I am currently 4 days to provide childcare on 5th day. What I do with any spends for child/ren on that 5th day is keep a record and my husband just gives me half, we treat it as a household expense, albeit one that can vary greatly week to week. For instance currently, I also have my eldest on those days as it is during school holidays, so I'm entertaining both. Expenses could vary from a couple of ice creams at the park, to soft play and lunch out. I just tell my husband how much each week (unless it was literally a couple of pounds) and he gives me half.

When we were in the days of soft play, either one of us would happily have been the one going to work that day and paying for all the costs involved to boot, rather than being the poor sucker having to be there!

I'd start charging him for childcare + expenses. Invoice him.

If they earn a very similar amount surely she can pay for her own days out? As he could pay for his own days out.

What a vile man. Allowance makes it sound like he will stop it if you are being naughty.

I bet he is one of those men who is babysitting if you go out and thinks he deserved a medal.

if you are earning the same, then why is he giving you an allowance? surely the cost of the childs day out should be coming from joint expenses same as all the other bills?

I find it really sad you’ve felt the need to blast your husband on the internet over such a non issue.

I don’t think the word ‘allowance’ is the most tactful but it is factually correct so you do seem to be a bit ‘nit picking’ to take exception to it.
I do think it’s thoughtful that he is even thinking about it. The bit about keeping ‘a roof over our heads’is not great though.

I think the OP is vile for coming on here knowing they’ll be a pile on her DH. Like others have said, why is he paying for it when they earn similar? Who decided OP would be the one to have the day off and do nice things with their child? Allowance was an accurate term. Some of the women on here must just actually be miserable.

He sounds controlling but he is giving you money (and you are gladly taking) for days out????

This doesn’t make sense.
Either you’re both putting the same amount right at the start if the month and it is NOT an allowance. It’s him paying his share of LIVING.

If he considers the money he puts in the common pot ‘an allowance’ fur you, then he is totally deluded. Yes even if it’s you spending most if the money (because you’ll be the one doing most if tge shopping for the family)

Why shouldn’t she take money from him fir days out FOR THEIR CHILD?

Is there a rule that says chikdren aren’t allowed activities/day out during the hols? Or one that says only mothers should pay those?

Because in my world, it’s called sharing tge expense of having a child

Sounds strange to me. Surely married couples put all their money into one pot and take out money as needed for bills and expenses? It doesn’t matter who earns what.

He’d be under the patio…
Start referring to sex as his conjugal rights…

Seems like it’s only him paying for that though?? Otherwise it’d be from the joint account, no?

That’s how it should be. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work for some people. I would never have a joint account again.

We live out of joint account. Days out with child come from that. Our personal accounts basically cover our hobbies, clothing and if I had gone for a meal out with my friends - essentially saved for "only me benefits from this spending". Everything else is from the joint account, it makes life simpler.

I do find the phrase a bit weird. I remember once get lunch after a toddler group with a friend of mine. We did it fairly often and one week she came with a £10 note from her husband as he said he'd "treat" her to lunch. I found that a bit weird too.

It is your allowance no matter what you call it.

Taking your child out to activities etc is not personal spending though. You both need to proportionally add more to the joint account for child related expenses so it's not all coming from you.
However I'd be furious at your DH's attitude. I'm not sure I could get past his sexism.

OP said her H transfers money to go towards days out. She didn't say he paid for them all.

It's up to them if they prefer to use joint funds for bills and pay for fun stuff from their own accounts. We do similar and pay half each for holiday spending or days out. When DH takes DS out for a day just the two of them I might send him a contribution. I don't call it an allowance though!

I think it's an accurate description.

So just to get this clear, if you worked 5 days a week you’d be on similar wages? So why does he even need to give you any money. I’d tell him to shove his “allowance” up his arse, do free stuff on my days off and put him in his place. What a prick… also it’s his child.

Yes, his salary is slightly higher and me working a day less widens our takes home amounts too

He’s using that word precisely BECAUSE you earn similar amounts but he works 100% and you work 40%. It makes him feel bigger and better than you, something he needs to feed his ego.

I can’t believe this is the only way in which he tries to big himself up.