To be pissed off with husband saying he gives me an ‘allowance’

[Heaths88]

Views welcome on this - my H works full time, I am part time 4 days a week with Friday’s off to spend with our youngest child.

H transfers me money ad-hoc to go towards days out on these Friday’s etc.

Last night, he asked me whether the amount he is transferring is enough or if he needs to increase ‘my allowance’.

I said I don’t need an allowance, it’s money for our child. He stood by the description and told me to stop nit picking and that it’s good of him to be providing money when many other fathers wouldn’t bother as ‘they’d be busy working keeping a roof over their heads’.

There’s very little between our salaries btw.

I do actually enjoy doing these things with my child, that's why I work four days a week so I can do it more.

I wouldn't ask my husband from pay for my fin days out, I'm having a whale of a time and he can't even come!

So why don’t all child-related expenses come out of the joint account?

Does he take a day off to spend with his child also? If you earn similar salaries, why does he need to transfer?

So it’s DC’s allowance then. And right now you manage it as you are around on Fridays.

It's amazing how many different takes there are on this one post. My take is that he talks like is a 1950s "bread-winner"

Why doesn't the joint account fund your child’s expenses? I really can’t get past this aspect. H
can he possibly imagine you would choose to do child oriented activities if you didn’t not have a child.

oh, and I hope your pension is topped up appropriately to allow for the income you forego in order to spend time with your joint child.

goodness, I never fail to be surprised by how some people think life with children should be funded.

True, my take is OP is acting like he is a 1950s breadwinner by asking him to fund her SAHM larping days out when the reality is that they are both equal breadwinners and this should just come out of their joint account with no discussion needed other than how much of an allowance for fun days out the monthly budget can take given other bills and any savings goals?

"Allowance" can be useful and accurate if all incoming monies for the household go into a shared account and then are parsed out by mutual agreement - so an "allowance" for each partner and for each child if you want which are discretionary funds for that period of time in order to maintain a budget. His thinking is wonky because if it's agreed between the two of you that you work part time and do the bulk of the childcare, he doesn't have the option to just work and keep all the money. If he resents the arrangement, he should be open about that and the two of you can discuss options like your going full time and his taking on more of the work including shopping for the child(ren).

Agreed. He sounds like a pompous prick.

But this is AIBU and reading comprehension can be quite poor on here, alongside the regular arseholes who just like putting women down for the hell of it.

I’m in a mood.

YANBU and he is a massive tosser.

This is about something deeper than the "allowance".

Is there are reason you don’t have 1 family joint account where all monies (bar savings) go?

Child expenses come out of the joint account. Twat can contribute more to that

I'd just be blunt and saying 'I pay my 50% because we earn about the same amount. You seem to begrudge paying half for YOUR child. Why is that?'

Someone paying their share of the bills is not giving the other bill payer an allowance. The money is going in the bills

'Allowance' sent me back to my childhood when my mum didn't work. Dad did and gave her money weekly to get the shopping, etc and also she collected the 'family allowance' from the post office.

Fast forward to latter days, with a partner when we've both worked, which has always happened, all the earnings go into one pot and we take as needed, reasonably of course! Maybe that doesn't work for all though.

What a silly question, it doesn’t come across like he begrudges paying it at all, if he did he certainly wouldn’t be asking if it’s enough

This. Neither side comes off well here, so I didn't vote in the poll.

“I assume you’re prepared to handle 50/50 childcare then, Mr Tate?”

Does he have an allowance for dou g fun stuff with dc?
I think your getting caught up on words. Just asked him not to call it that as gives you the ick

It is funny the way that people (mainly men it has to be said) justify their poor behaviour by comparing it to even worse behaviour. So not only do people have to put up with that even worse behaviour, other men can then use it to justify their own actions.

Wow for some reason this post has really got under my skin. It’s not an allowance it’s paying for his child. The fact he didn’t backtrack and instead reinforced his view means that he enjoyed the patronising wording and enjoyed the discomfort it caused. Also working 4 days and taking care of his child on the fifth so it’s not in child care is barely part time. I would consider that full time work. I can see why all of this was annoying. I was annoyed at him reading it.

If there's not much between salaries I dont get why he's giving you money at all tbh. It's your day off, surely you can afford whatever activities you do with a small child?

Ouch. He sounds resentful. Maybe that's worth a chat. He's a dick about it, though.

It is an allowance, an allowance is ‘a sum of money paid to a person to meet their needs or expenses’….. so you receive an allowance.