Do people still judge single mothers?

[purpledaze24]

Not sure what my AIBU is exactly but I’m interested to hear whether people think single mothers are still judged negatively in society. Growing up in the 90s there was always that disgusting attitude of it always being seen as the fault of the single mother for ending up in that situation, they were irresponsible, they were slags etc etc, couldn’t possibly ever be the fault of the man. Obviously we’ve moved on a bit but do you think that attitude still lingers a bit? Or has it gone completely? I’m a single mother and I recently got turned down on a house rental. When I told my dad about this he said “maybe it’s because you’re a single mother”. He’s a boomer and has some pretty outdated views but it shocked (and kinda hurt) me that he could think that would be a reason. My finances (which I proved to the house owners) are very good and I could more than afford the house. It would never occur to me that that’d be a reason. AIBU? Or have the stereotypes/judgement disappeared?

Single parent 16 years and grew up in single parent family too, sadly. It’s a lot better than it was, but it is not over. I find it unlikely that you got turned down for that reason if everything else in order. Just try to rise above it. I know I’m a good parent so anyone judging me can shove it 🤣🤣

Just because your dad said you didn't get the rental because you're a single mum doesn't make it true. I haven't got any kids and haven't been successful on a number of rentals due to the sheer volume of applicants

Single mothers, especially those low on the socioeconomic scale, are definitely still viewed negatively.

I’ve always been baffled by the judgement of single mothers, as in my experience they are largely single mothers because the dads have buggered off and left them holding the baby (both literally and metaphorically).

What exactly are these negative perspectives of single mothers supposed to be, as implied by your father?

I had a single mum in the 90s and she doesn’t remember being treated baby because of it. She’d had an affair and then divorced my dad so it actually was her decision, and the other man fucked off back to his wife before my parents divorce was even finalised.

As to your rental, they might prefer anyone who doesn’t have children who’d be living there. Or they prefer a two income household.

No I judge the men who have pissed off and made the women into single mothers.

I don’t think it’s all single mothers that people judge, it’s the stereotype of a single mother which is having multiple DCs with multiple fathers and either don’t work or work very part time whilst on benefits. Not saying that stereotype is correct at all just where I think the judgement is coming from.

The social stigma still exists. The men’s absence at least gets noticed now, but women still face judgment for making poor choices and ending up in that circumstance.

Yes.

But I think in society as a whole, single mothers are still judged.

I don’t have experience as a single mother, but I have seen at close hand that decisions are made based on stereotypical views - that they may be unreliable at work if the kids are young ( parental leave) ; that they may be economically unreliable (so rentals looked on unfavourably).

I think the one thing that does seem to have changed since I was a young woman is the moral judgement over ‘unwed’ mothers, which was a massive stigma on both mother and children when I, and possibly your Dad, was young.

Sorry you are experiencing this. But your Dad is a bit off for saying such a thing to you. He is supposed to be your biggest fan.

This.

and if you have multiple children by different fathers then the judgement is worse as it shows that someone has continued to make poor choices after the first one.

Yes. I believe they do.
Some People love to judge anyone who they deem lesser than them.
The WC. The unemployed, the sick, anyone without a professional role, etc etc.
It's the same People who believe everyone has the same opportunities as others

Doesn't sound like her dad was judging her, more so just speaking out loud about one of the reasons shes might not have got the rental property.

Yeah it's much more healthy for couples with children to stay in unhealthy relationships, man is a terrible partner and or father just stay with him it will be fine

There are heaps of single mothers around so would be hard to judge them all

Your dad might be right on the rental... but not from a judgement point of view. More a double income family is less risk than a single income family.

However... I think women are still judged while men are excused their responsibilities.

I agree, I doubt they would have struggled to find suitable tenants. If I were renting out the property, I would choose a couple over a single occupant, as two incomes provide greater financial security. Even if one person were to lose their job, there would still be a reasonable chance of rent being paid.

There will always be stigma around single mums or young mums.

I feel there is still the stigma
not as bad but it’s still there. Usually spouted by other women trying to shame others.

I got married you and had 2 children he then decided he felt too young and needed to do things that others were doing so walked out and barely paid anything despite having good income. Comments some people made to me still hurt years later.

Met my ex partner and couple years into relationship he said really wanted us to have a baby so could experience being the perfect family and raising a child together. Had her and within couple months he decided he needed to be able to do things like go stay with mates for weekend to watch superbowl, spend money on his footy team season ticket and go to every match as he deserved it for working hard. When i got fustrated he started making awful comments about my older 2 (mixed race) saying they looked too much like their dad and he would get mad about the fact their dad wouldn’t pay (he was aware of that when we got together) and he also got mad that they didn’t go stay with their other parent and was runining our chance of a family life with just our baby at times. Atmosphere is as awful. In end he walked out and blamed me saying i was not prioritising our new family!!

He now only pays when i ask and ask so i’ve given up and now receive nothing and he keeps letting our daughter down so i’ve had to say in build up to her starting school to leave us alone so she can have a calm build up. He has recently met a woman and playing the charming step dad and told people im jealous and bitter. I just feel it’s all so unfair.

Im ashamed of becoming a single mum again and heard a friend i thought was a very good friend made comments about how she wouldn’t have chosen me as a friend as an adult due to me not learning how to provide stable family life for my children!!!! makes me feel like shit!! i work hard (have professional job and own my own home) Wish people who spout this sort of rubbish could swap for one week and see how hard things are and how much you have to push through.

@purpledaze24 I have no idea why you were turned down for your flat rental, but if you were competing with a 2-parent household then it was more likely that you were considered as higher risk from a financial perspective than any kind of moral judgement.

I don't judge single mothers any more than single fathers, and I judge absentee parents much more, but I do think that children of single parent households are damaged by the experience and may find it more difficult to form stable two-parent households when they become adults. For that reason, I would worry if my own children married children of single parent households. Call that a prejudice if you like, but I think you have to know what a loving long term relationship looks like in order to form and maintain one.

I think people still absolutely judge anyone who goes on to have more kids by different useless blokes. Sort of a "well one mistake aye but you've made it three times now" vibe.

For me I'd only be judging if a parent (single or otherwise!) has gone on to have more kids despite already struggling financially for whatever reason

Yes I’d say so, I’ve been a single mum to dd for 19 years and it astounded me how much I was judged and looked down on!

I think single women are generally viewed upon with suspicion and scorn and sadly that’s not changed in hundreds of years.

Far from it. I admire anyone who can do it well, let alone do it alone.

Definitely still loads of stigma against single mums. Y

Well I'm a single mum and I feel constantly judged so yes!

Usually by other women.