Do people still judge single mothers?

[purpledaze24]

Not sure what my AIBU is exactly but I’m interested to hear whether people think single mothers are still judged negatively in society. Growing up in the 90s there was always that disgusting attitude of it always being seen as the fault of the single mother for ending up in that situation, they were irresponsible, they were slags etc etc, couldn’t possibly ever be the fault of the man. Obviously we’ve moved on a bit but do you think that attitude still lingers a bit? Or has it gone completely? I’m a single mother and I recently got turned down on a house rental. When I told my dad about this he said “maybe it’s because you’re a single mother”. He’s a boomer and has some pretty outdated views but it shocked (and kinda hurt) me that he could think that would be a reason. My finances (which I proved to the house owners) are very good and I could more than afford the house. It would never occur to me that that’d be a reason. AIBU? Or have the stereotypes/judgement disappeared?

You just have to go on Facebook to see there is still loads of judgement towards single mums.

Although the idiotic right wing press, and Daily Mail picked reading public have these views there has been a shift.
For what it is worth, when I became a mother (with a decent DH) my already quite high opinion of single parents rose 10 folds. So much respect to you all doing it alone. It's tough beyond measure.

From the tenancy point of view, the LL is going to choose the safest bet. So he had a safter bet than you. Could be two working parents, single childless people, a rich guarantor, a years payment up front. But yes having only one income is not great for a landlord.

Yes, I think I judge many single parents, both the mums and the dads. But equally if they are in newly composed families. And honestly, I think this forum has been very bad for me in that way!

I feel many people have kids with unsuitable people, without legal or financial protections, then are baffled when it turns sour though you can see it coming a mile away. "You can't know beforehand they'll turn out a shite partner." Euh, no, I totally could tell and so can most women with some standards. I feel most people chose to be deluded about their kids' needs to do what they want once they are divorced. "Kids can only be happy when you are happy" is nonsense in many cases.

Pick a reasonable partner, marry them, then make it work. If you got divorced, don't compound the mistake by dating again terribly but now with kids.

I think landlords prefer to rent to couples because of one of them looses their job then there is another one with an income coming in.
Being totally honest, I do not judge single mothers but I do judge single mothers who have children by different fathers and are on benefits. I judge it as a character weakness of not being able to learn from mistakes.

The Conservatives and certain sections of the media in the 80s blamed single mothers for all the countries ills at the time and unfortunately that attitude has stuck with a lot of people.

This a thousand times over!!!!

I do think that the UK's estimated 3.1 million single-parent households, and their absentee parents, should shoulder some blame for the national housing shortage.

@alphabetti you sound like a strong and hardworking person who gives her kids her best.

I agree, but I also judge middle class single mothers who kick out their children's fathers because they are bored or sexually unfulfilled or just think they would just be happier without them, not least because it means the kids can go round their dads' place at the weekend and mum can have a couple of days off parenting to do her own thing. In my experience this is a common separation scenario. There were a bunch of mums at my DC's primary school who seemed to encourage each other into this position and spend the weekends partying together or having new "fulfilling" relationships with gym instructors or work colleagues.

As opposed to all the second home owners, air bnb landlords and other properties sitting empty?

I don't understand why they should shoulder the blame?

@EmeraldShamrock000 Two adults sharing dc but living in separate homes have two homes. Two families could live in two homes.

Yes, there are far fewer second home owners. The English Housing Survey 2021/22 reported around 712000, though only around 482000 of those second homes were in the UK.

I'm a single parent, my mum was a single parent (in the 60s and 70s), her mum was a single parent (in the 40s). Things have got so much better for single mothers, not least in the structural barriers to participation in society. But there are still negative attitudes out there: I have found, for example, that having one black and one white child still hauls out the stereotypes.

I think this Is the biggest pile of nonsense I may have ever seen on here

Just madness

Hilarious how many posters are judging single mothers who remarry or date again, yet equally those of us who choose to remain single for the duration of our DCs childhood to safeguard them are lambasted for being 'martyrs'. A woman's place is always in the wrong as they say.

Oh and for not showing our children an 'example of a healthy loving relationship'

House building and affordable housing is a better answer to a housing shortage than proscribing what families should look like.

For every single mother there’s a single father. So only a cunt would judge that

Yes but it made me laugh.

life is too short to continue to engage with this thread. To any single mothers feeling judged reading this bilge, you are amazing and your children will have way more compassion and understanding for the multiple and diverse situations that people come from than people like this poster.

I think there is a horrible online undertone at the moment where men judge single mothers. When shockingly enough, most single mothers’ circumstances come about as a result of inadequate men.

There are 1000's of dilapidated properties, council owned empty properties all over the UK.
1000's of privately owned abandoned properties.

By your logic, single people shouldn't be allowed rent a property for single occupancy.

You're also assuming that all single parents are renters, or is it ok, to own the properties?

Council housing should have never been sold off.
My username has nothing to do with housing.👍😁

I was a single mother in the 90s/00s. I faced some awful judgement by members of my own family (uncle) so much so he told my cousins to have nothing to do with me. I was devastated when I heard this. But I grew stronger & raised my DD to be the best she could be. My DD had succeeded educationally & my uncle is now persona non grata to me.