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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel our weeekend away?

305 replies

Pungifries · 07/08/2025 23:49

BF of 1 year celebrated his 40th earlier. I pushed the boat out and booked a beautiful countryside lodge with hot tub. Could only book this coming weekend due to respective childcare and work commitments.

He has told me today that he’s struggling for money and would love to go but can’t spend any money. So the planned pub lunches and nice wine will either not happen or I have to fund…
However he was on a 5 day stag part abroad last week…..
to not drip feeding, he already owes me some money (agreed prior) for a trip we went on earlier in the year

he’s a lovely man and the relationship is good , but AIBU to cancel the trip and not pay for everything ?

I’ve said that we can cancel and use the money for a nice meal and wine instead ….

OP posts:
Booboobagins · 08/08/2025 22:10

My friend went out with a guy who had no money and she dumped him. A year later he landed a job on highways earning lots because it was hazardous work. He was the love of her life, she said but she couldn't stand him having no money.

My DH was a shop assistant when I met him. I helped him write a business plan and he got promoted. He was fantastic. Highest performing store in 2 weeks and was then used to turn failing stores around. He earnt twice as much in a weekly bonus than I did. In fact one of his weekly bonuses paid for our pretty nice wedding.

There's a lesson in these tales somewhere...

@Pungifries its not that he does have £ and has borrowed £ from you, its that he wasn't honest with you. That's where I'd hang my decision on if he's right for me, not on whether he has money.

Gymnopedie · 08/08/2025 22:25

he was 100% in favour and encouraging this holiday. Probably more so than me, so was certainly not a situation of me pushing him into it because I can afford.

I'm sure he was very much in favour of the holiday. Because he was getting a lovely break without having to pay for it.

Smell the coffee OP.

Original poster
Pungifries · 08/08/2025 23:02

Thanks everyone. Need to put my big girl pants on I think

OP posts:
RoseAlone · 08/08/2025 23:05

What is the fascination people have with hot tubs? Awful unhygienic cess pools

iamnotalemon · 08/08/2025 23:07

RoseAlone · 08/08/2025 23:05

What is the fascination people have with hot tubs? Awful unhygienic cess pools

😂😂

Ohnobackagain · 09/08/2025 00:24

@Pungifries at the very least, insist on him paying you back in instalments. I don’t understand how he could do the stag knowing he owed you money, never mind the rest of it.

TwistedWonder · 09/08/2025 00:35

You’ve only been together a year and hrs already borrowing money from you?
He finds cash to do stuff with his mates but pleads poverty so you bankroll him in your relationship? Oh come on, he’s a cocklodger in waiting. Has he suggested moving in yet?

He knows exactly what he’s doing - please stop letting him freeload from you. He’s not the nice guy you think he is - good men don’t take money from their gf

Nearly50omg · 09/08/2025 01:31

So he’a been spending £100’s of pounds on meals out with his mates etc every month and hasn’t paid you back more than a few pounds????!!! If point this out to him every single time he talks about going out for a meal/drink and ask him to repay you his debt first as a priority to show you he actually is serious for a start and 2nd otherwise you won’t get it back!

ChildFreeAndOhSoHappy · 09/08/2025 01:46

Either cancel, or get used to him spending his money on what he wants and your money on what he wants.

Rayqueen · 09/08/2025 01:52

I would never have booked something for someone's birthday and expected them to pay on it tbh but that's me. If it was a suprise and the stag was booked long before then good on him for being honest, not everyone has pots of money they can dip into. I can guarantee the stag was booked long before and he probably been saving for it unlike a suprise getaway

Gymnopedie · 09/08/2025 02:10

I can guarantee the stag was booked long before and he probably been saving for it unlike a suprise getaway

Well your guarantee isn't worth the paper it isn't written on. Because the trip with OP had been talked about, agreed and booked long before the stag do, which he went on as a last minute substitute for someone who dropped out. After the birthday break away had been booked. And while he still owed (and still owes) the OP for his share of another holiday for which he promised to pay her back but of which she has seen very little.

467yoyotutu · 09/08/2025 02:22

Definitely cancel this trip and get your refund. It won’t be enjoyable or romantic feeling like you are being treated like an atm.
Personally I would reassess relationship. It’s not that he has no disposable income - it’s that he chooses to spend it on friends and feels ok about letting you fund him. You say even small gifts and flowers have now tailed off etc. So he was capable of stepping up a little bit at one stage. This isn’t about him being broke it’s about him using you which really isn’t good!
He might be easy going and fun but you need to pull back and stop the finance and see if he’s still around then….

InterIgnis · 09/08/2025 02:28

Get your refund and throw this one back. He’s taking advantage and looking for you to financially support him.

Financial comparability in a relationship is important. Incompatibility can very quickly lead to resentment and love going out the window.

InterIgnis · 09/08/2025 02:40

Booboobagins · 08/08/2025 22:10

My friend went out with a guy who had no money and she dumped him. A year later he landed a job on highways earning lots because it was hazardous work. He was the love of her life, she said but she couldn't stand him having no money.

My DH was a shop assistant when I met him. I helped him write a business plan and he got promoted. He was fantastic. Highest performing store in 2 weeks and was then used to turn failing stores around. He earnt twice as much in a weekly bonus than I did. In fact one of his weekly bonuses paid for our pretty nice wedding.

There's a lesson in these tales somewhere...

@Pungifries its not that he does have £ and has borrowed £ from you, its that he wasn't honest with you. That's where I'd hang my decision on if he's right for me, not on whether he has money.

What’s the lesson? That someone should just accept unhappily sucking up the financial burden on the off chance that their partner’s proverbial ship will come in?

How many women settle for men that don’t go on to a high earning career, and find themselves being expected to pay for said men in perpetuity?

Wanting someone that wants the same lifestyle you do, that can provide that for themselves without needing you to pick up the bill, is no bad thing.

Milliejacksonhouseforsale · 09/08/2025 02:42

For those that may not have read he's already owe op North of a grand for a holiday for him his 2 children and op and her daughter.
The above figure was his half.

Weepixie · 09/08/2025 03:01

@Pungifries Ive spoken to him about it and as he feels so bad at having spent up on the stag do that we’ve decided to cancel and use the money (full refund) to go for a nice meal instead

Yep, that’ll sure will teach him a thing or two about his behaviour and the choices he makes (that don’t seem to have much to do with consideration and respect for you)

Just why would you even be going for a meal with him at all let alone when you’ve said it’s time to put your big girls pants on?

Canceling the weekend away and ending the relationship whilst saying goodbye to the money you’ve already lent him (because you’re never gong to get it back anyway) makes way more sense and would be the best thing you could do for yourself. It will be the making if you.

Weepixie · 09/08/2025 03:07

Milliejacksonhouseforsale · 09/08/2025 02:42

For those that may not have read he's already owe op North of a grand for a holiday for him his 2 children and op and her daughter.
The above figure was his half.

I hadn’t read that bit, only that he already owed money to the op for a holiday.

dampsquib94 · 09/08/2025 03:10

Was it a surprise? If the stag was budgeted for, I wouldn't be shocked if he didn't have much left over.

Side note, I wouldn't be keen on a forty year old man who still goes on five day stags...

SpryCat · 09/08/2025 03:32

The fact of the matter is he borrowed money of you, promised to pay you back in an agreed time period and only paid you 5% back. He prioritises meals out with mates and a stag do over paying you back and you’re starting to realise you are unlikely to get paid back. The birthday lodge is the last straw because he has made it clear he has no money but still wants to go and not put his hand in his pocket.
Can you cancel the holiday and get your money back?

LBFseBrom · 09/08/2025 04:49

Doingmybest12 · 07/08/2025 23:52

I would cancel and plan something within your budget and also decide if this is a lifestyle you want

I agree, cancel and then see how it goes. He may shape up in the future but play it cool. He's only been your boyfriend for a year and pushing the boat out for his 40th as you intended is serious stuff. One would also hope he'd be more financially stable at 40 and he already owes you some money.

It's all gone a bit too fast. Please protect yourself.

A nice meal out will be fine.

echt · 09/08/2025 04:56

Should you cancel the weekend, and substitute meal out, his reaction will tell you all you need to know.

JingsMahBucket · 09/08/2025 06:04

Weepixie · 09/08/2025 03:07

I hadn’t read that bit, only that he already owed money to the op for a holiday.

Show quote history

@Weepixie then maybe you and other recent posters should try reading all of an OP’s posts before wading in, especially when we’re already 8 pages deep into the thread.

Notsosure1 · 09/08/2025 06:18

Bigpakchoi · 08/08/2025 03:25

100% this.

His priority is his friends. Even if he went to the stag do, he could have skipped the big meal on return so he had some cash for your weekend away. He prioritises any fun money just for himself, also owes you money.

Glad to hear you save your money for yourself and your child - fund your own dreams not his.

Show quote history

His priority is his friends. Even if he went to the stag do, he could have skipped the big meal on return so he had some cash for your weekend away.

Exactly what I was thinking!

He sounds entitled and expects OP to pay for him regardless. He don’t have to go to the meal, or the stag do come to that - the fact he wasn’t even embarrassed to tell OP he was filling a space (not even invited and besties with the groom!) while owing her money shows utter lack of respect and the assumption OP won’t make a fuss about it. He sounds vile.

GiveDogBone · 09/08/2025 06:45

Poopeepoopee · 08/08/2025 00:01

Sorry if it sounded harsh - It wasn't meant to be harsh I'm just so fed up of women dating broke men who leech off them you see it here all the time. It also sounds as though he was saying "well, yeah, I'll go, but you're gonna have to pay for everything because I don't think you're worth spending my money on"

When was the last time he brought you a bunch of flowers?

Show quote history

“I'm just so fed up of women dating broke men who leech off them you see it here all the time”

Maybe he married a gold-digging bitch who took him to the cleaners? Probably a far more likely and frequent occurrence.

Weepixie · 09/08/2025 07:01

JingsMahBucket · 09/08/2025 06:04

@Weepixie then maybe you and other recent posters should try reading all of an OP’s posts before wading in, especially when we’re already 8 pages deep into the thread.

Edited
Show quote history

@JingsMahBucket

I knew the boyfriend owed money for a holiday - not that it was for a family holiday involving all of the children I had missed that bit despite only reading the Ops posts because unlike you I didn’t have time to read all the pages of the thread this morning in between getting myself ready for the day and my severely disabled son wakening up.

Now awah an hud yer wheesht yeh haverin wee cuddy. Eh cannae be bathered meh erse wie yeh.