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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents won't let me paint my kitchen cupboards

378 replies

Forfucksake84 · 07/08/2025 22:49

I currently rent a flat off my parents. I have 2 children and have outgrown the flat and my parents have bought a bigger house to accommodate us. I will still be paying rent, and will be having a rent increase. I'm incredibly grateful that my parents have helped me into a bigger home but I feel they (particularly my dad) are being quite controlling about the small adjustments I would like to make to it. When we first looked at the house they agreed to me painting the kitchen cupboards when I move in. At the moment they are a boring mdf colour and I wanted to paint them a nice light grey. My dad has now backtracked and said that they don't want them done at all, and that they are fine as they are but has given no reason for it. I just don't understand how it would affect them as it won't be them living there! He reluctantly agreed to remove the carpets in the bathrooms as I said it was a hygiene issue but even that was a struggle. He keeps reminding me that he is the landlord and that I need to ge permission to do anything but it feels like he is treating the house as an asset and me as a tenant rather than his daughter and I really feel like I'm not allowed to make any changes at all. Im due to move in in 3 weeks and it's making g me not want to move in at all...
For reference I am 40 and my parents re in their mid 70s

OP posts:
MummytoE · 07/08/2025 22:52

Are you getting a family discount? Do you have any other options? X

SleepingStandingUp · 07/08/2025 22:52

What's the rent agreement? Are you paying market value or a huge discount? Are you likely to inherit the house long term?

If it's as expensive as the next rental along, I'd be tempted to move in and look for something else.

Greybeardy · 07/08/2025 22:52

The house is an asset and you are a tenant though.

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 07/08/2025 22:53

But you are a tenant....

DancingLions · 07/08/2025 22:53

I'm assuming (at least hoping!) that the rent they charge is significantly less than market rate. Because why would you put up with it otherwise?

That said, I couldn't live that way. Sounds awful. Do you have a long term plan?

YourSnugHazelTraybake · 07/08/2025 22:54

You are a tenant. Yes you're their daughter as well, but you're still a tenant. I'm on the same position in that I rent from family, and I get permission for any changes I want to make. You need to emotionally separate your relationship as a tenant/landlord from daughter/parent.

LemonTT · 07/08/2025 22:59

Got to back his opposition to griege.

Did you pay for the carpets to be replaced in the bathroom?

Most landlords would stop a tenant painting kitchen cupboards. It can be done badly, and often is done badly. Maybe ask if you can replace the doors at your own expense.

Original poster
Forfucksake84 · 07/08/2025 23:00

But he's not giving me any permission for any changes and I just don't understand how it affects him as its not going to be him living there. Also the fact that he initially agreed to it and then changed his mind. Just seems a bit unfair. Surely they should be pleased that I want to take pride in it and make it nice...

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 07/08/2025 23:01

Their house, their rules.

After all, would you have been able to get a larger place without them buying one and accepting you without any affordability checks? Some dull looking kitchen cupboards are worth a secure home.

titchy · 07/08/2025 23:02

It’s not yours though it’s theirs. You’re a tenant. Most landlords don’t want tenants making changes.

voucherwowcher · 07/08/2025 23:04

Unfortunately I think this is the cost of renting from family, assuming there’s some kind of discount?
If there’s no discount then rent privately. Not that I agree with your parents but this is one reason why family and money never mix

Original poster
Forfucksake84 · 07/08/2025 23:04

NeverDropYourMooncup · 07/08/2025 23:01

Their house, their rules.

After all, would you have been able to get a larger place without them buying one and accepting you without any affordability checks? Some dull looking kitchen cupboards are worth a secure home.

Thats not really my point though. My point is the complete non sensical lack of reason behind the refusal. I would even pay for a professional to do it but I don't think hed agree to that either

OP posts:
TheFairyCaravan · 07/08/2025 23:04

I get you’re his tenant, but you’re also his daughter so I would have thought he wouldn’t have been as strict as a more conventional landlord about changes to the house. If it were me, I’d let you change the colour of the cupboards and paint the walls.

Original poster
Forfucksake84 · 07/08/2025 23:06

voucherwowcher · 07/08/2025 23:04

Unfortunately I think this is the cost of renting from family, assuming there’s some kind of discount?
If there’s no discount then rent privately. Not that I agree with your parents but this is one reason why family and money never mix

Yes there is a small discount but I'm still paying nearly a grand a month

OP posts:
SpringSpruce · 07/08/2025 23:06

Painting cupboards could come out an awful mess and mean a kitchen refit is needed. If they're planning this as a 5 year or so thing while you get on your feet it makes sense to keep it at a similar value not risk damage.

Workingmum2025 · 07/08/2025 23:07

Just paint them! I painted mine at a previous property and the buyers loved it! Use a foam roller for zero brush marks , life's too short and your dad sounds boring and won't realise the difference it wil make to brighten up the place, would go for a neutral beige over light grey as greys are dated now. Good luck!!

Pippa12 · 07/08/2025 23:07

You are in such a fortunate position, I wouldn’t kick a gift horse in the mouth. Painted kitchen cupboard can look great if your (incredibly!) skilled at painting, or absolutely shite within a couple of years and you’ve got yourself a ruined kitchen.

Id suggest paying somebody to do a proper job, either painting or wrapping.

Or, private rent off a landlord, who will not let you paint the kitchen!

SleepingStandingUp · 07/08/2025 23:08

The reality is that you ARE a tenant, however little you pay in rent. I understand you think he should be more lenient and trust you not to ruin it, and I agree with you, but sounds like he's trying to seperate out the two relationships.

MummytoE · 07/08/2025 23:08

Could you not come up some agreement that you can decorate as you please but that you will return it to as was when you leave.?

Vaxtable · 07/08/2025 23:10

Time to cut the ties and rent your own place elsewhere then, although I am not sure any other landlord would let you change the colours of the cupboards

Whiningatwine · 07/08/2025 23:13

Not many landlords would allow you to do this, so I don't think they are being unreasonable. If you paint kitchen cupboards they're unlikely to cope well longtem and will show knocks and chips. It's not then just a case of painting back over them.

Yes the might look nice immediately, but it will cause more work in the long run.

NeedZzzzzssss · 07/08/2025 23:14

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 07/08/2025 22:53

But you are a tenant....

This. It's irrelevant if your parents own it. Obviously they're a bit uptight, but maybe there's good reason for that.

nocoolnamesleft · 07/08/2025 23:15

So you want to devalue the kitchen? Yeah, I can see why they’re not keen.

Original poster
Forfucksake84 · 07/08/2025 23:16

What about that kitchen wallpaper stuff for cupboards...would that be a good compromise?

OP posts:
Original poster
Forfucksake84 · 07/08/2025 23:17

nocoolnamesleft · 07/08/2025 23:15

So you want to devalue the kitchen? Yeah, I can see why they’re not keen.

Would it be devalued even if I got a professional to do it? I would have thought it would increase the value?

OP posts:
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