Parents won't let me paint my kitchen cupboards

[Forfucksake84]

I currently rent a flat off my parents. I have 2 children and have outgrown the flat and my parents have bought a bigger house to accommodate us. I will still be paying rent, and will be having a rent increase. I'm incredibly grateful that my parents have helped me into a bigger home but I feel they (particularly my dad) are being quite controlling about the small adjustments I would like to make to it. When we first looked at the house they agreed to me painting the kitchen cupboards when I move in. At the moment they are a boring mdf colour and I wanted to paint them a nice light grey. My dad has now backtracked and said that they don't want them done at all, and that they are fine as they are but has given no reason for it. I just don't understand how it would affect them as it won't be them living there! He reluctantly agreed to remove the carpets in the bathrooms as I said it was a hygiene issue but even that was a struggle. He keeps reminding me that he is the landlord and that I need to ge permission to do anything but it feels like he is treating the house as an asset and me as a tenant rather than his daughter and I really feel like I'm not allowed to make any changes at all. Im due to move in in 3 weeks and it's making g me not want to move in at all...
For reference I am 40 and my parents re in their mid 70s

Another vote for just going ahead and painting them. Not much they can do about it once it's done. I wouldn't advise this if it was a regular landlord, but my parents have funny ideas about perfectly normal things too!

None of the places I've rented in the past would have allowed any decorating.. however he shouldn't have agreed originally.
I dislike my kitchen cupboards but wouldn't paint them, they rarely turn out like they show online.

Do you have siblings? What is the plan when your parents die or need to pay for care home etc.

Do they not want to gift it to you just in case you get married and then it becomes a marital asset?

But you want to pay someone to change the colour of perfectly fine kitchen cupboards because they're 'boring'?

With spending priorities like that you're very, very lucky to have parents who can afford to house you.

Your dad is being very unreasonable. If this were my dad I’d just do it anyway! Unless you seriously think he would kick you out and risk strangers as tenants, and you don’t have enough income to rent a non-family place, just go ahead and do all the things that make this house your home. You sound like a lovely, reasonable daughter who is actually doing your parents a good turn by being a good tenant, you can get some terrible ones. So it’s not just you benefiting from them, it goes both ways.

I'm a LL and I wouldn't let a tenant paint the kitchen cupboards. I have it in tenancy agreement. I allow bedroom walls painted provided they are returned to white with 3 coats of paint before they leave.

tbs most landlords wouldn't let you spin the kitchen cupboards. so it makes sense...and if it looks shit he'll have to pay for it to be sorted.

boring isn't good enough reason frankly

<£1k for a 3 bed, that he bought specifically for you to live is great deal. this is not real problem. redirect this energy into a hobby or some cpd

Or increasing earnings to purchase their own hose

If OP fucks it up she can put on her big girl pants and pay to replace/unfuck it when she leaves 🤷🏻‍♂️

But that's the thing...she isn't going to be leaving anytime soon.

OP has stated that she can't afford to buy her own place, and will be in this house for the foreseeable. It's not like she's staying for a year or so while she saves for a deposit, then they're going to bang another tennent in. How is she supposed to make it a home?

OP is very lucky that her family are able and willing to subsidise her housing...but constantly reminding your 40 year old daughter that you're her landlord is controlling and unpleasant.

Paying a professional to repaint cabinet doors would cost more than buying replacement doors.

Doing either may not be the best use of your money, but I understand about wanting to personalise the place. Perhaps talk to your dad about replacements? If nothing else, the discussion might reveal his reason for vetoing a paint job.

Yes, I did mine using DC Fix wrap. Very easy, looks great and can be taken off easily if necessary. Good price too. Perfect solution in your situation.

Difficult to apply perfectly by hand. Over time, it tends to peel and split along the edges and corners. Some people are brilliant at applying it, but even they tend to view it as temporary.

The foil that's applied in the factory is bonded under high heat & pressure - and even that splits after a while!

what is mdf?

Is "spinning" cupboards the same as painting them?

Medium density fibreboard. It's used extensively in TV home makeover shows when they transform rooms in a couple of days (make of that what you will).

Tbh, I thought it was meant to be painted.

He is the landlord but he’s also her DAD
mine would have asked what colour I was planning and totally agreed with ripping up carpets. In fact he probably would have been through the house with me and discussed decor, that’s a normal thing to do
it’s not a typical landlord situation

"You sound like a lovely, reasonable daughter who is actually doing your parents a good turn by being a good tenant'

@YourAquaLion tbf, we know very little about the OP and she hasn't even moved in yet. There's nothing to indicate whether she's "lovely" or not.

Perhaps she has form for doing crap "improvements" in previous homes. Perhaps not.

"Nice grey" actually suggests very little style or imagination - but that's just my opinion.

These doors are probably factory-finished. This is a permanent coating applied under controlled industrial conditions.

We know nothing about OP, but we know that her dad was originally happy for her to decorate, changed his mind, won't tell her why and keeps reminding his 40 year old daughter that he's her landlord and she needs to ask his permission for things.

It's weird. You either want to help your daughter/grandkids or you don't. This gives vibes of "You've got a roof over your head but for the grace of me, and don't you forget it".

He's charging her lower than market rate rent, but not so low that she'll be able to save for her own place as a single mother. A real cynic might say he's doing that on purpose so he'll always have her on the hook.

I very much doubt her dad would have bought this house outright to let to just anybody.

EDIT - Oh and I quite like a nice matte grey 😁

This! Sounds to me like he doesn't want too many changes made to the house so that it remains 'aesthetically pleasing' to anyone who might want to rent it out if/when you decide to leave. Harsh but fair.

That ^^
i had a parent like this and it reeks of it. Any tiny thing they disapprove of and it’ll be “you need to move out, don’t forget I own the house” etc etc

What @Velmy said 100% but I am the cynic and do think your parents have done it to keep you on the hook.

I hate it when parents put conditions like this. Can’t really think of anything to say that will help, I do feel for you and hope somehow you can get out from under their clutches.

I wrapped a kitchen with dc fix, it's still going strong 5years later.
I wouldn't do a shaker kitchen again as the doors were a massive faff but if the kitchen has flat doors then you can just do that and new handles as ots very easy to remove and return to original state.

Who are you people renting from? They sound awful. I have never had a landlord that thinks like this ^ and I would never have moved into a property owned by one. Even the worst landlords I’ve had have given permission to decorate, pretty much whatever I like, as long as I return it to its original state.

When I rented from a friend of my mother’s, not my mother just her friend, in my early 20’s I had complete control- I even upgraded the bathroom and parts of the kitchen! The whole place was personalised and she obviously didn’t want it changed back because it added value to the house.

If in the future I was to buy a house to rent to my child I wouldn’t be treating them like any other tenant, I can’t imagine being so cold.