Parents won't let me paint my kitchen cupboards

[Forfucksake84]

I currently rent a flat off my parents. I have 2 children and have outgrown the flat and my parents have bought a bigger house to accommodate us. I will still be paying rent, and will be having a rent increase. I'm incredibly grateful that my parents have helped me into a bigger home but I feel they (particularly my dad) are being quite controlling about the small adjustments I would like to make to it. When we first looked at the house they agreed to me painting the kitchen cupboards when I move in. At the moment they are a boring mdf colour and I wanted to paint them a nice light grey. My dad has now backtracked and said that they don't want them done at all, and that they are fine as they are but has given no reason for it. I just don't understand how it would affect them as it won't be them living there! He reluctantly agreed to remove the carpets in the bathrooms as I said it was a hygiene issue but even that was a struggle. He keeps reminding me that he is the landlord and that I need to ge permission to do anything but it feels like he is treating the house as an asset and me as a tenant rather than his daughter and I really feel like I'm not allowed to make any changes at all. Im due to move in in 3 weeks and it's making g me not want to move in at all...
For reference I am 40 and my parents re in their mid 70s

Op clearly states she cannot get a mortgage on her salary - so giving her deposit money would be pointless.

Unfortunately if you rely on your parents to house you, you are maintaining a parent/child dynamic, in which they hold the power (and adding a layer of landlord/tenant in which they are also powerful). Who knows what your dad’s reasoning is? But if you don’t like it the options are: lump it or find different accommodation. Up to you.

I’ve always rented I wallpaper and paint landlord says I can. But kitchen cupboards never. I’m a council tenant now we are not allowed to alter the fixtures and fittings. That includes kitchen cupboards. Yeah they’re a boring colour but so what they do the job. No matter how much you sand them they will eventually start to peel.

Beggers can't be choosers.

Most LLs would not let you paint kitchen cupboards. Its your home but their house and you're not entitled to make changes.

If you dont like the property then go rent something else.

That’s nice dear.

That's pretty unreasonable - just because they've bought a house for her to live in at a reduced rent doesn't mean they can just afford to give away money. The money they used to buy the house was likely invested and providing an income stream which has now gone. And giving the OP a smaller amount of money wouldn't have helped if she can't get a mortgage.

It’s better to avoid this kind of situation. Perhaps they could have given op a deposit towards her own place and so avoided this. We don’t know if they are able to let her live in their house rent free. The price of the house may represent their pension pot.

You didn't just ask how much her discount is. You said if it's small, it's not worth being under their thumb. I pointed out that she'd not just be just at 'under the thumb' of an unrelated landlord, but also potentially at risk of losing the tenancy for even asking, as a lot of landlords will be very reluctant to have a tenant who wants to make material, devaluing, changes to their fittings. Because painting over inoffensive but boring mdf cupboard doors with a now unfashionable light grey would absolutely devalue the property.

It's genuinely batshit that people are advising her she should rent privately because her Dad doesn't want her to damage his asset. Being a private tenant is mostly shit. You have next to no autonomy whatsoever, and almost no security of tenure. It's not a good way to live long term if you have another option, even if that other option means following similar rules, at least she'd have some sort of security knowing that she wouldn't randomly get notice to quit in the future.

It doesn't really matter if the state of the rental market is right or wrong. The fact is, it is what it is. If the OP moves to a private rental she will have less rights and almost no security. People advising her to move out, so she can get away from her controlling father are not advising her based on the reality of the other options she realistically has. Telling her move out because she should be allowed to do what she wants in a long-term rental is bad advice, because she will not be allowed to do what she wants in the reality that we live in.

And in countries where tenants have more rights to make alterations, they often have to fit their own kitchens and remove them when they leave.

The number of posters either renting properties owned by parents or living with parents is an eye opener. They are incredibly lucky to have this option

Don't do that. You can disagree with people's opinions without being condescending.

But being condescending where condescension is deserved is much more fun.

and again we need the laugh emoji

If you off-set the reduction in rent you have benefitted from over the time you’ve been in the property, I assume that this is still less than the deposit given to your sister? How long would you have to live there before it added up to the same as your sister’s deposit?

It seems like your parents are doing what they can for you in the situation you find yourself in (unable to afford a mortgage).

the level of ungratefulness to get a house bought for you to rent a low cost is what’s infantilising you. Not your parents.

the house meets your needs size wise and you can’t make it your own with furniture, pictures and knick knacks comparing about not being able to paint the cupboards is
immature.

unfortunately as long as your parents provide your housing the dynamics of your relationship will always feel like you are in arrested development. As they’re still having to actively provide for you and your grandchildren. Yes they don’t mind but its still irksome and it’s not even about the money.

They probably had enough capital to give her a nice deposit which was the original intention for her and her sister. This is no good for the OP as she doesn’t earn enough money to get a mortgage. So they’ve had to resort to plan B which is isn’t a great solution but the best they can come up with.

They probably needed that capital to live off the interest in retirement or drawing down some capital each month, so buying the house will have left them short. The only way they can make it work is by living off the rental income. The banks wouldn’t have allowed them to get a buy to let mortgage and rent to a relative so they needed to buy outright. So whilst they can give a discount they can’t go too low on the rent as they need that income rather than using the interest from that capital if it was invested elsewhere to the house.

I suspect they’ve actually had to think carefully about doing this for the op. It’s not an optimum retirement plan unless they have oodles of cash. DF will want to look after his investment and diy paint jobs are not good.

They have probably made sacrifices to do this for the op. It’s exactly the solution we might come up with if our kids are in the op and her sisters position. They are doing a good thing and certainly not in it for themselves. There are much better ways of financing a retirement.

The trouble with accepting help from family it comes with rules as they are doing you a favour. Either stick to the rules and be an adult and go and rent a property owned by someone else.

Most private landlords wouldn’t let you do this either

I wouldn’t want carpet in the bathroom either!

Yes I know that. It was making that point that renting privately means you can choose the house you rent

Oh, ok: I didn’t get that at all. Sorry.

I think you need to move in and just let everything settle. Buying a house is so stressful regardless if you are the one moving into it or not. . Wait a few months and then revisit. Why load on all these requests at a stressful time. Your timing is so out.

I really struggle to understand why the OP's obsession with the cupboard doors' colour. I would understand if they were so old that they were falling apart, or mouldy or didn't work properly. But why making such a fuss over their colour? How is their colour important enough to risk falling out with the parents who have helped her have a home to live with her children?

For a HOUSE? You can’t get a studio flat round here for less than a grand! Count your blessings, OP…

Honestly-you'd struggle to get any landlord to agree to allow you to paint the kitchen cupboards-even if done by a professional. Too much scope for it to go wrong, and if it goes wrong-it's very hard to bring it back to its original state.

I don't see why this is a hill you're willing to die on, OP. They're kitchen cupboards. So long as they're functional, what does it really matter?

And no, he's not treating you like a child. It is his house and therefore, he gets the final say. Not you. If you want the final say, you need to buy your own house and since that's out of reach at the moment, you just need to suck it up or move to a different rental property, but you'll find that other landlords are likely to be as strict with their renovation policies as your dad is.

If you want to alter the kitchen/brighten it up/make it to your tastes-can't you just paint the walls/wallpaper? The kitchen cupboards are difficult because they're very hard to get it right.

Also light grey? Really? All this for light grey?