Parents won't let me paint my kitchen cupboards

[Forfucksake84]

I currently rent a flat off my parents. I have 2 children and have outgrown the flat and my parents have bought a bigger house to accommodate us. I will still be paying rent, and will be having a rent increase. I'm incredibly grateful that my parents have helped me into a bigger home but I feel they (particularly my dad) are being quite controlling about the small adjustments I would like to make to it. When we first looked at the house they agreed to me painting the kitchen cupboards when I move in. At the moment they are a boring mdf colour and I wanted to paint them a nice light grey. My dad has now backtracked and said that they don't want them done at all, and that they are fine as they are but has given no reason for it. I just don't understand how it would affect them as it won't be them living there! He reluctantly agreed to remove the carpets in the bathrooms as I said it was a hygiene issue but even that was a struggle. He keeps reminding me that he is the landlord and that I need to ge permission to do anything but it feels like he is treating the house as an asset and me as a tenant rather than his daughter and I really feel like I'm not allowed to make any changes at all. Im due to move in in 3 weeks and it's making g me not want to move in at all...
For reference I am 40 and my parents re in their mid 70s

Presume the rent is to cover the costs of the house, such a land taxes, maintenance, insurance, etc. The big costs like roof maintenance don't happen often but, when they do, and they will, it's not cheap. They probably think that at 40, it's reasonable that these sorts of costs should be covered by the person living there, especially if they're getting a discount. We recently did the roof pointing and paint and decking and it was about 50K all up.

I think asking about professional painting or wrapping might solve the issue.

The colour grey is completely out of fashion, it will date the cupboards and your dad knows this.

FAFO!

She is his daughter, first and foremost. If you can't see how that changes things, I don't know what to tell you.

Well I guess that’s you then. Your decision etc

You must feel so grown up arguing about kitchen cupboards with your parents. Go you!!

I am not going to say a nice thing here, just a real life thing.

My parents are similar age. My mother sounds much like your father and I am very grateful that I am not reliant on them for my home.

Wait it out if you are sure of your inheritance. If you are sure (absolutely certain) that they will leave the house to you then wait it out.

No, its not nice but it is realistic. And bear in mind that your mother will very probably outlive your father.

Dont be a dick. It doesnt make you look big or clever

I’m being honest. Your post shows exactly what motivates you - and it clearly isn’t being independent..
The OP sadly has the exact same problem

How on earth did you reach the idea that I am not independent?!

I am mortgage free at 52, all done by myself. I am as independent as they come.

My point was that if my mother owned the house I lived in, she would be exactly the same as the OP's father, which is why I am glad that she doesnt

ETA I was 49 when I paid off my mortgage fyi

Do you have any siblings or are you likely to inherit? I wouldn’t let a tenant paint kitchen cupboards either and don’t know any landlords that would (we rent, we aren’t landlords). Wood looks much better!

I agree! If I was that parent, I'd give my child free rein to do whatever they liked to make it their home. But OP's parent obviously isn't like me (a lot richer for a start!) and it sounds like they could get even more unpleasant if she goes behind their back.Thats why I said it was bad advice.

jes rose vinyl is good to cover the cupboards and landlord friendly as you can peel off
go leopard print and give them a shock !!

Is there somewhere safe and dry in the house where you can store the existing cupboard doors? An attic or something?

If so I would take the cupboard doors off, store them and buy new ones in a colour and style that you like.

Painted doors often look shit after 2/3 years whereas new ones will still look good after 10 years.

Maybe Dad,like many other people, hates grey.

Move in and make the house homely; you are so lucky to have landlords who buy a new house for you!

After you have settled, examine again the need to paint the kitchen and what colours would look best.
I would paint a few samples on boards for you all to see every now and again but not be too invested in an outcome.

It could be that your father, as landlord, has a good eye.

Who is paying for the new flooring in the bathrooms?
Do you like the colour?

You do need to ask the landlord for permission usually; that is not odd.

When you have such a good thing going - secure housing under market rate - is it really worth worrying about cupboard door colours.

Yes, your dad is being controlling.

I'd take a step back and stop arguing with him. Instead, spend your time researching renter friendly decorating tips. There's loads you can do to make a place your own style, that's reversible.

Then, I'd stop asking permission and just get on with it.

I can see why it’s frustrating OP. The fact you are lucky they are happy to buy a place and rent it to you doesn’t negate that what they’re doing with the lack of permission is controlling and infantilising you. They’ve bought it so you can live there, there’s no benefit to them to stop you painting the cupboards or the like, but they stop you from putting your mark on your home in petty ways. Ensure you really feel how indebted to them you are.

You don’t have the power in this situation, though. There is little you can really do if you can’t wear them down or convince them. They’re rich and pretty generous but they aren’t really as nice to you as most people hope their parents would be. Unfortunately lots of parents aren’t. Just be glad they’re well off and willing to help make sure you’re housed, albeit with a small bite of condescension.

Painted cupboard doors look terrible, fast. Grey is also out as PP said.

it’s standard to not be able to do these kind of things with a rental agreement.

Just do what you want and they’ll have to lump it.

You're a single mum with no money to buy your own place. I really struggle to see why the colour of the kitchen cupboards is such a massive issue in order to make such a big deal about it. Do you realise than after a couple of weeks living in the house you won't even notice them?

I would say, pick your battles. There are plenty of things in life that are stressful, the colour of the kitchen cupboards is not one of them.

Imagine this from your parents perspective, their daughter is a single mother and they want to best for them and their grandchild(ren), not only do they supply a bespoke rental property but exchange it for a new bigger one to meet their daughter’s needs. The home that they took the risk on is in their name and they want to keep it in a good condition.

OP this is what it’s like to rent, if you don’t like it go find a rental property elsewhere. But be aware if the landlords situation changes you make have to up and move and be left with nowhere to go. You have a guaranteed rental that you know will be in a good condition and you’re moaning about the cupboard colour, grow up.

Painting cupboards can have varying success and not stand up to wear and tear ( yes someone will be along to say they painted there cupboards 27 years ago ago and still looks brand new)
and once there painted there no going back

You’re getting a massive favour. I can see how you feel like a child, but the alternative is getting your very own place. It’s hard to paint cupboards properly. Personally, I wouldn’t turn down a secure roof because the kitchen isn’t to my ideals.

I wouldn’t let a tenant paint kitchen cupboards either, especially not grey. They almost invariably look dreadful. You can buy new kitchen cupboard doors on Amazon pretty cheaply, so you could ask to replace them and keep the old ones in the loft until you move out.

Most landlords will not let you make significant changes because almost every time a tenant does it’s a sloppy job that has to be put right. I once had a tenant who let her teenage daughter paint one of her bedroom walls bright pink. It was awful - splattered everywhere including the carpet, lines were jaggy and uneven, and it was all patchy. It needed undercoat and three coats of paint to get it back to a reasonable state.

Since you can’t move out, sit down with your dad and ask that, as things need replaced, they are replaced with something more to your taste. Ask if you can agree to the carpet being replaced in the next 3 years, for example. Assure him that you’re going to be there long term and you want to build a home for the grandchildren. Hide flooring you don’t like with area rugs, etc.