Parents won't let me paint my kitchen cupboards

[Forfucksake84]

I currently rent a flat off my parents. I have 2 children and have outgrown the flat and my parents have bought a bigger house to accommodate us. I will still be paying rent, and will be having a rent increase. I'm incredibly grateful that my parents have helped me into a bigger home but I feel they (particularly my dad) are being quite controlling about the small adjustments I would like to make to it. When we first looked at the house they agreed to me painting the kitchen cupboards when I move in. At the moment they are a boring mdf colour and I wanted to paint them a nice light grey. My dad has now backtracked and said that they don't want them done at all, and that they are fine as they are but has given no reason for it. I just don't understand how it would affect them as it won't be them living there! He reluctantly agreed to remove the carpets in the bathrooms as I said it was a hygiene issue but even that was a struggle. He keeps reminding me that he is the landlord and that I need to ge permission to do anything but it feels like he is treating the house as an asset and me as a tenant rather than his daughter and I really feel like I'm not allowed to make any changes at all. Im due to move in in 3 weeks and it's making g me not want to move in at all...
For reference I am 40 and my parents re in their mid 70s

Maybe your Dad thinks you won’t achieve a good finish on the cupboards which might make them look worse or result in the need to replace them.

I rented my house out to relatives and let them make changes which I ultimately had to rectify when they decided at short notice to move out - it was a royal pain in the arse.

whats the long term objective here, has this been discussed with your parents? Will you rent for a period in order to be able to buy something yourself, or is it a lifetime tenancy type situation? If the latter What happens when they eventually pass away ?

I ask this from being in a reversed situation where I took a joint mortgage and put down the deposit for a flat for my dad. With the view that we both contribute to the mortgage, I would eventually inherit the whole, but he had somewhere to live for his lifetime. I can’t understand why your parents would take this approach, and as you slash it feels they are treating their s situation as being an “asset”

It doesn't matter what the reason is (largely that it'll look shit, make it impossible to keep clean and/or cost a load of money you'd only have because they bought you a house to live in instead of paying market rate and passing checks to not be allowed to do it in any other private rental).

They don't want you to do it. So either don't piss around with their kitchen cupboards or buy your own house.

He probably doesn't want you to inadvertently damage them / make them look worse so that when you move out he has to a new kitchen fitted. Perhaps he doesnt want to tell you that in case it sounds rude.

Could you look into that stuff you can stick down and then peel off later? Google renter friendly changes and you'll find loads of videos im sure.

I will never be able to buy anything else unless my situation changes drastically. I am a single mother and my income isn't enough to pass mortgage checks. We haven't really discussed the long term objectives

I’m in the minority OP but I agree with you. It does seem mean to refuse this with no good reason (albeit grey is massively overused and already looking dated).
They’re treating you as family by giving you a discount but then enforcing the landlord/tenant relationship.
It’s difficult because they’re quite within their rights as everyone has stated but then is something a bit controlling/infantilising about it. I wonder if being able to parent you is part of the incentive for them to have bought this house, whether they would admit that or not.

You have got an option though, you can find an alternative property. It won’t be as cheap and you still won’t be able to paint but you won’t build resentment towards your dad either.

Does this really need doing? Save your money. Why do you want to waste it on painting kitchen cupboards in a renta!l?!

This is where family dynamics fall down. You've accepted their generosity at beneficial rates and assumed it meant you owned it. Tenants don't get to decorate without landlords permission

Edited....its tough to be controlled by anyone let alone parents at your age.

Paint them. What's he going to do, evict you and his grandchildren? Tell him you'll return it to the colour you found it when you move out.

Because the likelihood is I'll be there a long time

It's pretty near damn impossible to paint existing cabinets and have them look good unless you take the whole thing apart and sand it down to bare wood. If you do this and it looks awful, what is your plan to rectify it?

Maybe he thinks it will ruin the cupboard doors and he'll later have to pay to replace them.

I'm sure she's free to find her own place though it must be easy when parents provide homes, even if rent is paid. Were she to move out then presumably her parents can let the house at a higher rent.

I think I would have an open and honest conversation with them. They might not realise how they are acting.

it’s obviously a very nice thing they have done for you, but you want and deserve to live somewhere that feels like your home and you can do stuff to as you like.

I hope you’re able to get it sorted

Because if and when you move on they need to think about the next tenant. If you make loads of changes it’ll be more time, stress and expense for them replacing what you’ve done so it’s back to neutral again

Any experiences on the wrapping paper stuff instead?

He’s worried you’re going to fuck it up and it’ll look shite. At the end of the day it is his asset. If and when you move out he’ll need to rent it out again and he doesn’t want grey paint peeling off or naff wallpaper bubbling.

Painting cupboards can look really bad - can you ask him if he would allow you to buy new doors?

You are a tenant, it isn't your kitchen and they aren't your cupboards. You don't get to make changes, that's how it is when you rent.

It affects him because the house is his and he doesn't want it to be devalued (as bad painting might do). Most landlords would be the same.

You can get the doors taken off and get them professionally sprayed. It can look really good. Would he agree to a different colour?

TBH it's the landlord's choice.

Two coats of bad painting would be even harder to rectify. That's terrible advice anyway as it will merely sour relationships.

She knows she does not own the home.

She’s merely frustrated at her father’s inflexibility.

But bully points for you for putting words in her mouth.
Her “my house” was a figure of speech - as in the house where she and her children will live.

It takes a whole different kind of person to think the worst about someone - or make them out to be the villain, when all they want to do is paint some kitchen cabinets in a house they rent from their dad.
Bravo.

Presumably the current mdf colour is the factory finish? A good rule of thumb is never to paint anything that doesn’t actually need it. It creates a maintenance requirement, and will wear and deteriorate more quickly.

I had my kitchen cupboards professionally sprayed. It certainly hasn’t devalued it. Before the cupboards didn’t really go with the tiles ( I didn’t pick them) and I really disliked it. DH said we could rip it out, but it was 5yrs old so that would be a waste of money, so I picked a colour out of the tiles and had it sprayed. It looks so much better and the job is guaranteed for 10yrs. You’d never know it had been painted unless I told you.

It sounds very stiffling alright. It's completely natural to want to make improvements to where you live, especially since you have kids and are in your 40's. Chances are you won't change your parents though, not at their age. Could you suggest getting a painter from a company they trust I wonder? And paying for it/part of it if possible