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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask if you had your own Mother present when you gave birth?

308 replies

Wiseplumant · 07/08/2025 14:34

I am interested in this because my own mother died years before my DD was born, so it was never an issue. I think I would have been fairly horrified at the thought! But then I was only 15 when she died, so we may have had a closer relationship by the time I had kids of my own. Did anyone decide to have their Mother present but changed their mind when it came to time. Or did you definitely decide you didn't want her there, but changed your mind and really needed her there? What about women who were with their daughters as they gave birth, did you want to /feel privalaged to be there? Or was it very traumatic for you,but you felt that if your daughter wanted you there you would be there no matter what?

OP posts:
jennygeddes · 07/08/2025 15:42

I didn't mean to have my mum there, but she came down to the delivery suite to keep me company as I was being induced and thought it would take hours. We planned to play cards! It did not take hours and there was no card playing, so she was there for the birth. I totally didn't care who was there. Just me and DH for equally speedy baby no2 though.

myglowupera · 07/08/2025 15:44

No all four times.

Werp · 07/08/2025 15:45

I wouldn’t like it but I definitely don’t think there’s anything strange about it and it’s quite rude for some people to be saying there is. Probably more normal historically than the father being there!

namechangetheworld · 07/08/2025 15:45

I couldn't imagine anything worse. Then again, I woud have been perfectly content if DH had left and just let me and the midwives get on with it. What use is someone standing uselessly by the side of the bed gawping at you?

Nanof8 · 07/08/2025 15:45

I didn't have my mom in the delivery room, she was just outside in the hall.
I was present for my daughters first child, but stayed home with first child when second one was born.
I didn't find it traumatic to be there. I also felt honoured that I was there. I also took the first family photo.(mom, dad, baby)
I didn't take any embarrassing photos just the one.

notevencharging · 07/08/2025 15:49

My mother definitely wanted to be there, but there was no way I’d have wanted her there. It’s a moment for the parents (I guess it’s different if someone is a single mother or the father can’t be present for some reason)

AutumnFoxe · 07/08/2025 15:50

Yes i had my mother there and am hoping she is here for my next birth. My dp is absolutely useless and causes me a lot more stress and wont advocate for me just tells me to do what the midwives tell me whereas my lovely mum tells them what i want. Years ago it was the norm for mothers to be at births and not husbands. I find it utterly peculiar the new attitudes people have that you must have the babies father there and absolutely no one else.

iwentjasonwaterfalls · 07/08/2025 15:52

I did; I was a teenager and scared.

I wouldn't if we were having any more children.

Daisydove336 · 07/08/2025 15:52

No, adore my mum, but no 😂 she’d have driven me crazy. Just me and my husband

tinyspiny · 07/08/2025 15:52

Christ no ! And I was very close to my mother . With the first both my mum and sister were at the hospital waiting in the corridor but left as soon as it was ascertained that both of us were ok ( I’d been very sick throughout the pregnancy) . Ironically just after they left I haemorrhaged . With the second I had an ELCS and they weren’t on the premises .

ThirtysomethingF · 07/08/2025 15:56

I had both my husband and mum there as i wanted them both there. I thought it was quue normal, but reading these responses it appears I was in a minority...

Surroundedbyfools · 07/08/2025 15:56

No. I had 2 c sections, first during Covid so could only have one visitor anyway but I wouldn’t have wanted anyone other than my husband there. My mum is not a calming influence !!

Radiatorsa · 07/08/2025 15:57

Cannot imagine it, but if someone felt it would bring them comfort, crack on.

queenMab99 · 07/08/2025 15:59

When I gave birth in the 70s and 80s, this was not a thing! My mother would have been horrified to be asked, she had 4 of her own and I think, had had her fill 🤣
In fact husbands weren't really encouraged, and mine was sent home as the labour was rather slow, so missed it.

thedoofus · 07/08/2025 15:59

No!

I had a high risk pregnancy and was on bed rest and my DH was working at the other end of the country with my mum and my MIL (very kindly) taking it in turns to stay and help me with my toddler. Even then, my birth plan was to go on my own and to be supported by my sister (an hour away) and then DH (eight hours away) as soon as possible. I have a decent relationship with both of them, and am very grateful for the help they gave me, but I would have gone on my own rather than have my mum there!

diterictur · 07/08/2025 16:00

AutumnFoxe · 07/08/2025 15:50

Yes i had my mother there and am hoping she is here for my next birth. My dp is absolutely useless and causes me a lot more stress and wont advocate for me just tells me to do what the midwives tell me whereas my lovely mum tells them what i want. Years ago it was the norm for mothers to be at births and not husbands. I find it utterly peculiar the new attitudes people have that you must have the babies father there and absolutely no one else.

Well I find it utterly peculiar that you would marry and have children with someone who you consider useless and who wouldn't advocate for you.

CautiousLurker01 · 07/08/2025 16:00

I don’t know a single person who has had their mother at their birth. Unless you are from a different culture where this is more acceptable, I’d say it was really rare in the UK.

TheSoapyFrog · 07/08/2025 16:00

My mum was there when I had my twins, but that's because I was single by then. My best friend was going to be there, but then she moved abroad.
We've never been particularly close, and I suspect she'd rather she didn't have to be there, but I literally had nobody else.
I ended up in the hospital for 3 days while I was being (unsuccessfully) induced. On the 4th end I ended up with an emergency c-section. It was a long time for her to be there, but i was grateful as she kept her cool and was reassuring.

She seemed quite pleased to be the first one to see the twins and gold them though.

Tbh, if i hadn't have been single, it never would have occurred to me to have my mum there. And I suspect she would agree.

JamesMacGill · 07/08/2025 16:02

No. I actually think my mum would’ve been good in a childbirth situation (trained nurse with 4 kids of her own) but she despises me, and I her frankly, for a number of sad reasons. If we had had a better relationship I would’ve been open to it, I imagine a woman who has given birth herself would be more useful than a clueless man (looking at you DH who forgot my hospital bag)

CaptainMyCaptain · 07/08/2025 16:02

My mother was with me although she had originally wanted me to have an abortion. She doted on my daughter and I'm glad she was there in the end.

i was with my daughter for her first two births and I will remember them all my life as wonderful experiences. One was in hospital with twins and one was a home birth.

4naans · 07/08/2025 16:02

I had my mum there plus my husband.
It was helpful because I had an extremely long labour so they could take turns supporting me.
When we were at home whilst I laboured my mum brought us food and helped out etc.
I had a hemorage after birth and my mum held the baby while my husband was supporting me.
I was grateful to have her there.
I wasn't certain whether to have her and went back and forth on it but it was the right choice.
She supported both me and my husband and didn't feel to smothered. I made a point in saying she needed to not to chat too much to the midwives haha!

Orangellama · 07/08/2025 16:03

No! She would have stressed me out even more. She did gently broach the subject for DC1 as many of her friends were in the delivery room with their daughters but they were much, much younger than me at the time, and I shut that down pretty quickly.

If DH wasn't able to make it - he worked away quite a lot at the time - I would have had a friend over my mother.

I'm not sure I know anyone who had their mother in the delivery room, so it's not the usual in my circles.

LidlAmaretto · 07/08/2025 16:04

Id rather have given birth in the middle of the High street at lunchtime than have my mother at the birth!

CaptainMyCaptain · 07/08/2025 16:05

queenMab99 · 07/08/2025 15:59

When I gave birth in the 70s and 80s, this was not a thing! My mother would have been horrified to be asked, she had 4 of her own and I think, had had her fill 🤣
In fact husbands weren't really encouraged, and mine was sent home as the labour was rather slow, so missed it.

I gave birth in 1980 with my mother there.

stackhead · 07/08/2025 16:07

God no. My mum's a worrier and a fusser(rerer?) she would've driven me up the wall.

I had my DH and my sister. My sister was necessary as my DH is useless in pressured situations, so I needed my sister in case shit hit the fan. As it is I ended with an emergency section so my sister had to wait around but I know how much she loved being there for DD1 as soon as she was born. Plus she helped my DH with the nappy and outfit as again, he was pretty useless :D (he learned quickly!)

She was slightly traumatised by it though so absolutely refused to be involved in DD2's birth!