AIBU to ask if you had your own Mother present when you gave birth?

[Wiseplumant]

I am interested in this because my own mother died years before my DD was born, so it was never an issue. I think I would have been fairly horrified at the thought! But then I was only 15 when she died, so we may have had a closer relationship by the time I had kids of my own. Did anyone decide to have their Mother present but changed their mind when it came to time. Or did you definitely decide you didn't want her there, but changed your mind and really needed her there? What about women who were with their daughters as they gave birth, did you want to /feel privalaged to be there? Or was it very traumatic for you,but you felt that if your daughter wanted you there you would be there no matter what?

I had my mum and my husband for both my son's births (2.5yrs and 7 months old). I'm very close to my mum and knew I wanted her there to support as for our first son it was likely my husband wouldn't make it home as he was deployed.

My mum is very hands on, but knows exactly when to back off and is very discreet, and each time has asked my husband privately, without me knowing until after the event, whether he was happy for her to be present. Each time she has been great, and for our second son it was noted by our midwives how good she was at supporting both me and my husband and knew exactly when to let him take over so she wasn't overbearing.

I'm a midwife myself and have seen lots of different circumstances. No birth partner, friends, MIL, other family members. It's just whatever the woman feels more comfortable with.

Where was your partner during all of these births?

For me, the only people who should be there arecthe people who were there atvthe conception plus the minimum of medical professionals. It's not a show or event.

Not a chance

Absolutely no way would i of wanted her there, I doubt she would of wanted to support me anyway

She had 8 months notice of me giving birth but told me a few months before if I had the baby in the week she couldn't visit as she had not holidays left, due to her booking a 4 week holiday with friends

I wasnt worth one day off

I knew as soon as I found out I was pregnant I wanted my mom there. I’m glad she was as she became my advocate when things were going sideways.

Baby’s dad was basically useless.

My mom and I are very close though as it was just us. The bond my son has with her is amazing.

Not actually in the room all the time but my mum was waiting close by and she came in and out as I needed her. My dad then came up as he hated sitting at home just waiting to hear. I ended up with emergency c/s so it was just hubby and myself but I’ll never forget mum & dad rushing through my room
door to see their first grandchild.

No way I’d have my mother. My sister was there though and she was amazing. The dad was utter shit. If I had another child I’d want a female birth partner. I’d be privileged if my dd asked me to be there but it wouldn’t be expected, hopefully she chooses a better father to her kids so I’d be redundant

No way. I had DH. I would probably expect someone to have their mum present if they were fairly young and didn’t have a partner present.

Just read a few more of the replies and I’m surprised it seems such a thing for people to have their mum there. Perhaps it’s one of these things that move with generations, like when my mum had me (1960s) there would never have been partners present.

Same as my friendship group! Totally normal for our first babies, then they provided childcare for the second (and sometimes third!)

I can't think of anything worse. I rang my mum when I was in early labour in hope of some emotional support, but she was drunk and slurring down the phone.

MIL though was amazing. She wasn't at the birth but came shortly after and stayed with me in hospital the night DD was born. She was a godsend.

I didn’t have that sort of relationship with my mother. A friend of mine did. I’d be honoured if my dds wanted me (but I won’t expect it)

My mum was not with me and I wouldn’t have wanted her to be. I gave birth alone with my first child (apart from hospital staff) and I much preferred it to when my husband was there the next time). If my daughter had wanted me to be there, I would have, but I’m very squeamish and would probably have fainted.

I had DC’s father there but he was incredibly unhelpful during a two day, increasingly complicated, labour so my Mum parachuted in and replaced him for the last 12 hours!

Under no imaginable circumstance would I have had my mum there.
I can just about imagine a circumstance under which i might have had my dad, as long as he kept away from the business end.

My husband was there through the long, boring bits of my first failing-to-progress labour so he kept me company. He was there for the actual birth of all of our kids but really, I'd have been happy with a midwife.

Not a spectator sport.

Had to for one of mine because my husband had Covid. She was only in for the last few pushes. I definitely wouldn't not have chosen her to be there but she was so thrilled to be there so I'm glad it happened

My mother wasn't even in the same city. It would have been traumatic as the anesthetist nearly killed me during the c-section and I had a couple of anesthetists sitting with me for hours afterwards trying to stabilize my blood pressure. I have to say my husband was a rock though he told me later he'd been desperately worried. In fact, he'd tried to stop them making the near fatal decision but they told him they'd be able to control the side effects. He watched the monitor in the theatre as my blood pressure just dropped like a stone and it became very apparent they couldn't. He was left literally holding the baby while I was kind of hallucinating and wondering what a baby was doing in an operating theatre.

Good god no. She’d have asked why I still had a tummy the second I’d given birth. As it was she had to wait until three days in (the only day she’d been asked not to come) and insisted on bringing the golden grandchild with her - my sister’s eldest - because all she really wanted was to show him the baby. Par for the fucking course.

Seconded. Didn’t even cross my mind !

My mum has done it 6 times so she is pretty much a pro at giving birth, so I wanted here there the first time. She spent most of the time bossing DH around and telling him to do things, it was pretty funny. I mainly wanted her there because she’s done it so many times and because she is a knowledgable advocate.

My mum has done it 6 times so she is pretty much a pro at giving birth, so I wanted here there the first time. She spent most of the time bossing DH around and telling him to do things, it was pretty funny. I mainly wanted her there because she’s done it so many times and because she is a knowledgable advocate.

No chance. Partner and medics only.

You realise that for centuries births were handled by women of the family and men were nowhere to be seen. You now have the choice of who you want there but there's no should about it

Yes. My mum was with me for both births.

She and DH were both present for DS's birth but DH was not much use.

When it came to DD's birth, DH stayed at home with DS, and my mum came with me.

My mum is a much better advocate than DH. She was also more sensitive to my needs. It just made sense.

Nope. I love my Mum dearly and were very close but it didn’t occur to me to have her there. I got quite annoyed when in labour with DC1 as they kept asking if my Mum was coming. I assume it was because of my age.
To be honest I would’ve been happy to just be on my own. It was lovely to have DH there when the babies were actually born but for the labour I would have preferred to be alone.