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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ask if you had your own Mother present when you gave birth?

308 replies

Wiseplumant · 07/08/2025 14:34

I am interested in this because my own mother died years before my DD was born, so it was never an issue. I think I would have been fairly horrified at the thought! But then I was only 15 when she died, so we may have had a closer relationship by the time I had kids of my own. Did anyone decide to have their Mother present but changed their mind when it came to time. Or did you definitely decide you didn't want her there, but changed your mind and really needed her there? What about women who were with their daughters as they gave birth, did you want to /feel privalaged to be there? Or was it very traumatic for you,but you felt that if your daughter wanted you there you would be there no matter what?

OP posts:

fatimashortbread · 08/08/2025 21:30

I wouldn’t have had my Mother at either of my births as she would have told me I was doing it wrong

Muffsies · 08/08/2025 21:36

My mum was there when I had my first. She was just really keen to be there, she had 6 of us so I guess she also knew what she was doing 🤣

She stuck about to cut the cord and help me with the first feed, then made herself scarse so we could bond with baby.

My first had a few complications because he was 5 weeks early, he needed to have a monitor on his head during birth because his heart rate was slowing down. I had to birth him quickly and my mum coached me through it. Like I said, she had experience and had gone through a couple of tricky births including a still birth, so she was a handy person to have there. She's practical and not the sort of person to make things about her. She didn't like how hard I squeezed her hand tho.

Idiot123 · 08/08/2025 21:37

There's no way I'd have had my mum present at either of my children's births, we get along great but nah it's between me and my husband they are our creations 😊 I actually don't know of anyone that had their mum there

Mewling · 08/08/2025 21:46

Christ no. My mother would’ve just criticised my hair and hospital gown, and told me I was doing it all wrong. Having said that, I very nearly didn’t have ex-DP in there. If I could’ve got away with it I’d have done it solo.

namechangetheworld · 08/08/2025 21:55

JustMeAndTheFish · 08/08/2025 19:36

Definitely not. In fact I didn’t want my husband there either, although he missed our first child’s birth. I just wanted to concentrate and get in the zone and him rubbing my back and twittering on just really got on my nerves 😂

Glad it wasn't just me. I'm intrigued about this 'support' other posters were getting from their husbands during labour that they couldn't get from a midwife. DH kept rubbing my back and asking inane questions and I just wanted to murder him. I love him but if I ever have a third I'm telling him to wait outside and just let me get on with it. Too many cooks.

norsesummer · 08/08/2025 22:04

Yes I had my mother! I'm incredibly close to her. If anything, I was not particularly keen on the idea of my husband being present to witness such a scene!

THEDEACON · 08/08/2025 22:31

Im very firmly of the belief that with the exception of hospital staff only those who were at the conception should be at the birth

MferMonsterSearchingForRedemption · 08/08/2025 22:50

My mum was there for my first. I was only just turning 18 and wanted her there with my then partner for extra support. I was so glad she was there.

She would have been there for my second but she missed it as it was such a quick labour. With the others I needed her to watch the other children.

RoseAlone · 08/08/2025 22:52

There wasn't a snowballs chance of my mother being anywhere near me during my births. I can think of no greater an invasion of privacy. Nothing worse!

Cfcbaz · 08/08/2025 23:13

Nope!! Luckily I gave birth at the end of Covid so only 1 person was allowed to be present so I didn't need to have an awkward conversation with my mum. But my mum works in the hospital so she came straight after.
As much as I love and absolutely adore my mum, I think she would've unintentionally pissed me off and I would've said some hurtful things in the heat of the moment.
My best friend had me and her husband as her birthing partners and I felt so awkward knowing her mum was outside waiting for me to give her the update and I got to see baby before her.

Maraudingmarauders · 08/08/2025 23:20

No. I had DH and about 20medical staff. Nice and intimate…
It wouldn’t have occurred to me or my mother to have her there.
We are very close but that moment was for me and DH, not my mother! She came in for cuddles later that day, I think. Or maybe be the next day, it’s a bit of a blur.

Cattenberg · 08/08/2025 23:42

I was a single mum and my mum was with me at the birth. Soon afterwards, I fell asleep as I'd missed nearly two whole nights of sleep during labour. My mum dressed my baby before going home.

Grammarnut · 08/08/2025 23:52

Traditionally a woman's mother supported her when she gave birth. One of the criticisms launched at the doctor who attended Princess Charlotte when she died in childbirth was that the princess's mother was not present.
But now most women do not want their mother present. I certainly did not. And did not want my (ex)DH present at the birth of our second child - he was not very helpful the first time round

Soppydawg · 09/08/2025 01:52

Seems like it’s a no for most people, if you think about it ,for those of us old enough, for our mums it would have been the norm to have their mum or close female relative, men weren’t expected to .
BUT my mum actually asked tentatively and said she’d understand if my DH wasn’t keen though which he wasn’t, in recent years I massively regret listening to him , it would have been so special for her and I need to tell her so. I don’t really understand his reasoning but now it just feels really unkind and selfish.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 09/08/2025 03:52

I had my brother in with me for the c section as he is a doctor and doesn't panic, then my mum came and took over to do my first overnight in hospital with me which was great

wobblyweasel · 09/08/2025 03:54

Absolutely no way on earth would I have had my mother with me!

ChewbaccasMrs · 09/08/2025 04:03

I went in with my DD when she gave birth to her son,my Grandson it was traumatic at the end but that was because of a large blood loss and I'm glad I was there because my DD knew she didn't feel right and I spotted the blood loss and made the midwifes aware before they'd even noticed,but I'm really glad I was there it was a huge privilege and my DD still talks about her birth experience in a positive way she says because I was there with her.

I was luckily allowed to stay with her for a few days afterwards because of the blood loss so I got to look after my baby whist she looked after hers and she's an amazing mummy and her DS my DGS turns 6 next month and we're all still really close.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 09/08/2025 04:15

I didn't think that I'd like her there, she was the nervous type, but I would have loved a hug from her immediately afterwards.
I felt very emotional.

defrazzled · 09/08/2025 04:46

No, but she was outside and when I got very poor treatment she went crazy and saved the day.

NavyBee · 09/08/2025 04:52

My mother was in another country for two of my three children's births but no, I wouldn't have wanted her there. We had a complicated relationship. I was in my mother in law's house and had a home birth for our middle child and I didn't want her either (we get along very well but really only wanted my husband). However, I was there for my daughter's first (long) labour until they wheeled her away for a possible c-section but in the end ventouse delivery and was happy to be. I have taught antenatal classes in the past and supported at other births, so comfortable with all aspects of birth and it was, helpful to have an extra pair of hands there. I was happy to support my daughter in whatever way she wanted (including accepting that she might send me away at any time). She didn't feel she needed me for her second baby. I would have been there if asked, but this way I was available to look after my grandson when they went off to the hospital. I think my son in law was probably happier to not have me present (we do get along well, but for this special time just having himself and his wife was probably better). I really think that only the woman giving birth can know what she wants - and she's allowed to decide differently at any time right up until baby arrives (and after). And if the dad will be present that needs to be considered too.

persianfairyfloss · 09/08/2025 05:06

My DH fainted at the homebirth of our second baby. Our first baby was stillborn and I think he was still traumatised by that.

Baby 3, we discussed it and he was torn about being present. My mother came for the birth and she was my support person. She was brilliant. DH arrived about 5 minutes after the birth.

PollyBell · 09/08/2025 05:16

Yes plus my husband

Nat6999 · 09/08/2025 05:23

My mum was in theatre with me when ds was born by emcs, she had been with me for most of the 60 hours I was in induced labour, my husband had been diagnosed with MS a month before ds was born & was unable to get into theatre. I was glad she was there, she had been more useful & had been able to advocate for me when I was unable to myself. She was the first person to hold ds, she dressed him & there has always been a special bond between her & ds.

Peanut91 · 09/08/2025 05:24

DS1 it was just my DH and I. He was (and felt a bit useless) and I laboured a fair amount of it on my own in the hospital as I was admitted and it was outside of visiting hours.

DS2 was in COVID but I was allowed two birth partners once in active labour and I asked my mum to be there as well as DH. She was so touched she had been asked and was extremely discreet and supportive (although my labour was very quick so she only just made it as he was crowning when she arrived)

For DD1 I decided to have just DH and I. There wasn't any particular reason I just decided it would be the two of us and it was again really special. Another quick birth so she wouldn't have made it even if I had asked her

Rayqueen · 09/08/2025 05:59

Tbh never thought about it lol but then we didn't exactly plan much tbh all 4 born at home no problems hubby made it from work just about everytime lol

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