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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

thinking its mad, how everyone assumes your going to return to work, when your dcs start school?

573 replies

milkgoddessmakesthefinestmilk · 28/05/2008 20:49

im not planning to, i want to be the one that takes dd to school picks her up from school is there if shes sick or on holiday.

don't school children have about 3 months of hols a year?

OP posts:
beaniesteve · 28/05/2008 20:55

If I had the choice I'd stay at home until they were at school maybe, but I would want to go back when they started. personal choice though isn't it? As it is I will be going back ater maternity leave.

TigerFeet · 28/05/2008 20:55

My dd goes to school in September and I am cutting my hours - it seems mad that I can now afford to work less because she is at school but because I am not shelling out for childcare I can work far less.

It makes sense to me to be a SAHM when your children are at school as much as it does when they are small imho. As you say there are still holidays, pick ups, drop offs and sickness to worry about. If I didn't need to contribute financially I would give up work like a shot.

I'm planning to have a couple of days a week at home while dd is at school so I can get housework and other bits done (car MOT's etc) during the week and then our weekends will be free to spend time together as a family. Also during the holidays it will be far easier to find childcare for three days a week rather than five. And, I will actually get to spend some time with dd

So no, YANBU at all

jellybeans · 28/05/2008 21:28

No YANBU. I also get people assuming that I will be returning to work as my DC are all at school. I am happy at home and would not want to use childcare when I am happy to do it myself, I love being there to pick my kids up etc.

gabbyfemale · 28/05/2008 21:32

YANBU the only month there are no school holidays of some description is the month of March (well this year it is on my calendar) - I'm still at home with my DD2 but when she starts school next year I won't be rushing out to work !!! I still have a job - I take them to school, pick them up, am there for them when they come home to do homework, cuddle, chat, have dinner, play with their friends, am there when they are sick, or when they have those 2 months off in the summer!! What do people do if they work?!!

amazonianadventure · 28/05/2008 21:37

my lo starts school this year and my mother commented today wont you be getting a full time job after the summer, i replied i wanted to go to college one day a week and she said what kind of job are you getting that will give you a specific day off every week. I will go back to work but not everyday,id love to work 9-3 but its really realistic

LaVieEnRose · 28/05/2008 21:55

This is interesting. I'm going back to work p/time after my 1 year mat leave is up. This is through choice not through financial necessity. I think that the nursery are better equipped to entertain, teach social skills etc to my ds than I am to be perfectly honest.

However, we don't have family in the area and I have wondered what we will do when ds (and poss a sibling) go to school. I obviously cannot take time off every time they have a school
holiday. What do other people do? Maybe I'll have to give up work?

Having said that I always thought of mums/dads who still didn't work once their dcs went to school as a bit slack tbh. What do they do all day? Housework doesn't take that long. Sorry if I've offended anyone but it seems that some women (and it usually is women) seem to think that as they've given birth that means they can then use this as an excuse to basically slack off until their kids are teenagers.

but then I don't know what to do re childcare during the school holidaysso perhaps I'll have to give up work

Janni · 28/05/2008 21:57

This comes back to the old chestnut of whether you want or need to be in paid work now you are a mother. If you do you will find a way, if you don't you won't. Just have a standard answer ready and you'll be left alone.

So many of these conversations about work are small talk, not particularly meaningful.

What did your mum do when you were little?

TheFallenMadonna · 28/05/2008 21:57

Blimey woman! You've only just started. I wouldn't make hard and fast plans about what you're going to be doing in 5 years time

IllegallyBrunette · 28/05/2008 21:59

YANBU

That is what I always fully intended to do with my children, but as I am now a single mum, I have no choice in the matter.

Luckily, I have a job interview on Friday, for a job that fits in with school hours. However, I will have to work during school holidays.

LaVieEnRose · 28/05/2008 22:00

Thinking about it I'll probably take a career break because I would like to be there when ds gets in from school, or at least drastically reduce my hours.

Janni · 28/05/2008 22:01

Agree with TFMadonna too.

You may be climbing the walls by then.

LyraSilvertongue · 28/05/2008 22:03

But what does it matter if someone does slack off as long as they're paying their own way?

DS2 will start school full time in January and I fully intend to take a six-month break before even considering increasing my working hours (I currently do one day a week and that's plenty).

Hulababy · 28/05/2008 22:03

It is far harder, IME, to work when your child is at school than it is before they go. Childminders and nurseries are designed to meet the needs of working parents. Schools are not childcare and do not tie in well witht he majority of work hours.

questionmaster · 28/05/2008 22:06

oh stop being so lazy !!

only kidding, great plan!

beaniesteve · 28/05/2008 22:06

LaVieEnRose

depending on your employee you can get flexible hours when you return and certainly where I work I am entitled to parental leave for sickness up to a point. This should be available to your children's dad too.

Most people manage to juggle it between family members where I work, and some work shorter hours (for less pay) so they can be there when their kids are leaving school each day.

Obviously not everyone has family around and I certaily won't be able to rely on mine as my mum still works (and I wouldn't expect her to look after my children even if she was retired) and the inlaws are abroad. I am guessing I will have to pay a childminder. Up until school they will be in the creche. I don't think it becomes any easier until they are old enough to come home from school by themselves.

aintnomountainhighenough · 28/05/2008 22:07

I think it is actually more difficult to work when your DCs go to school because of the school hours and holidays. I agree with you about wanting to be there to drop off/pick up and etc (although I do work from home so juggle it currently) and not to have that 'what am I going to do during the holidays!'. That said I don't have any family support and my DH is the main breadwinner so it would be difficult to juggle everything. If I loose my current job however I will be looking to do something as I don't want to be a sahm.

LyraSilvertongue · 28/05/2008 22:07

Ours has an after school club and a breakfast club but I'd hate for my boys to be at school from 7.45am till 5.45pm.

Hassled · 28/05/2008 22:08

I've tried it both ways - I worked FT with my older kids, and they went to breakfast clubs, after school clubs and holiday clubs. During the summer holidays I actually worked at a loss - childcare cost more than I earned. I don't think my oldest DCs suffered in any way because of it and at the time I had no financial option but to work FT. It did make things like chicken pox, D&V bugs, school concerts etc a nightmare to manage (no family around) though.

I'm now effectively a SAHM with my younger 2 at school - I do some PT work from home. WIthout people like me there would be no volunteers on school trips, no PTA stalwarts, fewer parent governors, fewer parent helpers during the week - I do all of those. DH works away a lot - for example this week, half term, he's away all week. I know I could manage that and work FT (and did in the past), but being a SAHM does make life easier. It helps that I'm not especially ambitious for a career of my own.

NorthernLurker · 28/05/2008 22:10

I work and have school age children but I simply wouldn't able to without the excellent after school club which is located in my daughters school . There is a holiday club there 8-6 very day of the school hols as well. So I pay for that (ouch), I hardly ever have time off work apart from school holidays so I can save my holiday for those times and I carefully co-ordinate visits etc to relatives to get it covered - so in the summer i have a fortnight off, mil will come down to us for a week and the dds go to my parents for a week leaving two weeks to cover with holiday club. At £32 a day (subsidised rate) for the two of them plus nursery for the baby - that's definately all that I can afford!

Original poster
milkgoddessmakesthefinestmilk · 28/05/2008 22:12

janni, my mother worked full time, when i started junior school, whats that about 7 years old, and i hated it, spent loads of holidays alone and after school alone

don't want that for dd

OP posts:
anniemac · 28/05/2008 22:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Pheebe · 28/05/2008 22:13

Hide this thread from xenia immediately

YANBU its your choice and makes no difference to anyone except you and your partner, how lovely to have that choice

cheeryface · 28/05/2008 22:14

my kids are 12 and 9 and i have never gone back to work except for cleaning for people in their houses a few hours a week. but i don't even do that at the moment.

FairyMum · 28/05/2008 22:14

My children go to after-school clubs 5 days a week. I pick them up at 5 pm. I am currently on mat leave and could pick them up at 3:15. They don't want me too. I have compromised with them and I am allowed to pick them up early on fridays, but they love their after-school clubs and I had to beg and bribe them to let me have them home early on Fridays.....After-school clubs and childminders can be a great way for your children to socialise.Just wanted to give the other side....

Janni · 28/05/2008 22:21

Milkgoddess - I can really understand why you feel as you do, but keep an open mind. You don't know what your circumstances will be by the time your DD is school age. When they're babies you can't imagine leaving them but things do change!

I have three DC and have pretty much been at home with them, but would like to get back to work when the youngest starts school - a lot depends on whether DH downshifts as he says he will.

Hulababy's point about it getting harder to find childcare once your children are in school is a good one, but a bit depressing!