thinking its mad, how everyone assumes your going to return to work, when your dcs start school?

[milkgoddessmakesthefinestmilk]

im not planning to, i want to be the one that takes dd to school picks her up from school is there if shes sick or on holiday.

don't school children have about 3 months of hols a year?

KayHarker, taking your comment to the extreme....there's a strata of society out there where the children do indeed learn from their parents that waged employment isn't essential these days and neither their parents or grandparents work so they have no example to follow. I personally prefer setting the example that to have an income one goes out to work to earn it.

Unfortunately its mostly mums that become the SAHP and it does rather send out the example that women don't work if they have kids. I just want there to be a mix of some that do and some that don't, regardless of whether this is out of necessity or not, so that my children see that it is sometimes an option to work sometime an option to stay at home. My choice is mine alone, my children can and indeed should choose for themselves when they are parents.

I think it's mad to become totally dependent on a man. But there you are, each to their own.

Exactly Stopitplease. That's why I'm going back to work even though financially I could just live off dh. I'd rather not thanks.

Why would it be necessary to take it to the extreme? My children have no such example of fecklessness, their dad works very hard. They have an example that an income needs to be earned.

The simple fact is that yes, some women work when they have children, and some do not. I don't need to actively be the example of every possible permutation of life-choice for my children to know about it.

YANBU in wanting to stay at home after the kids have gone to school. Just as long as you recognise that it's not everyones ideal situation and everyone makes their own choices based on individual circumstances.

From my own experiences, complications really begin when children start school. Childcare is far easier to obtain on a permanent basis than it is just to cover school holidays/inset days etc. And what if (like me) your job starts at 8.30am, buts school starts at 9? If you can find flexible employment you've got it made, but I have juggled extremely over the years and not always successfully. Plus I have had to sacrifice all the 'fun' elements of the job (the days away, any trips) because of childcare constraints and having to be here to pick up at 3.30 or whatever.
Sucks.

haven't had a chance to read all the comments (am sure it would anger me too much) but surely being a good role model by staying at home ie a caring nurturing mother who is always there for her children - and I mean by that, at a seconds notice and when they come home from school, is extremely important? Call me old fashioned. What kind of society are we going to have when we are bringing our children up to be dumped with someone else for breakfast, taken to be school by someone else, picked up by someone other than their parent, and then having to do their homework at "after school clubs" - do the parents just come home at 6pm and put their children to bed? What input do they have on their children's schooling? or their life? their friends they are keeping? aarggh I could go on ... I know many mums just don't have a choice and I feel very sorry for them - but many many people go out to work for "adult conversation" not for the money. Fair enough, but I would rather be a role model for my children that mothers are there for them before they go to school and when they come home again. They are only young once. (I am talking primary school age here). Of course many mums find a way round the holidays - but at what cost?

Agree grumpy, it definitely gets harder. A juggling act of CM/afterschhool club/holiday club/juggling annual leave with partner etc. Thing is, although it's hard, it's a lot to give up a career once the kids are in school.

I don't get why we can't all just accept that everyone is different and makes different choices? As long as there is a healthy balance between family life and working life then why should it be anyone elses business?

I just thought I should add that I dont think the OP thinks going back to work is mad. I think she is trying to say that is is mad for people to assume she will be, just as it would be mad for people to assume she would be staying at home. People should not make any assumptions about how you and your DH choose to live your life. Stay at home if it suits your family or work full time. Your choice no one elses, only you can decide how to live your life. Therefore YANBU to be mad at people assuming you should go back to work, people shouldn't be assuming that you should do anything. However, YABU if you assume that any there is only one correct option SAHM/WOHM are both valid choices with pros and cons on both sides.

i'm surprised we haven't had any of the hard-line work freaks on this thread yet. There is large group of folks out there that seem to think a 9-5 office role defines them as a person (or some such tripe).

My dw gets this all the time. She gets the looks from other mums and friends whenever she tells them that she doesn't work and ds goes to school now.

They can swivel. They're just jealous

'What kind of society are we going to have when we are bringing our children up to be dumped with someone else' - right, when this bollocks starts, I know it's time to get off the thread. Parents who work don't dump their children. Parents who work care for, nurture their children, are interested in their lives, provide a supportive environment etc etc.
We happen to have stimulating and interesting work lives which complement the stimulation and joys of home/family life too.
But if you want to start the slagging off about 'dumping' kids then clearly you are not capable of, or interested in, intelligent discussion.

No daddycool, not jealous. That's your thinking

p.s daddy - don't know about your line of work, but we're not all 9 to 5 office based. My job is far more interesting !! And no one's job doesnt totally define one as a person, but clearly all people are defined by the lives they live, so if you have an interesting and worthwhile career as well as an interesting and lovely home life, well, you're probably going to be an interesting and fulfilled person!

naahh, i'm not necessarily talking about you findafiver. I've come across loads of people that have bullsh*t jobs fooling themselves that they actually value the job other than the wage part of it.

honestly, how can you think that you'd rather be a 'purchasing clerk' or a some other mundane administration person rather than persuing something worthwhile and fun under your own terms?

YABU to think it's mad for people to assume you would go back to work, because the majority of mothers are working mothers, even if the work is part-time to fit around pickups, holidays, etc, or job-sharing. If you think it's mad then it sounds to me as if your world has shrunk.

You're free to decide what you want to do, and if you like staying at home, good luck and enjoy yourself. But don't be deliberately naive and pretend you aren't aware of what a huge number of other mothers do, both from choice and necessity.

The huge number of working mothers make it a valid supposition that a mother of school age children might think about rejoining the workforce. So YABU.

DaddyCool I presume you mean envious, rather than jealous, and YA also BU to assume that about your wife's peers. It's more than likely not the case at all.

I'm an Accountant. It's all about the wage. Honestly, I'd rather be doing anything than sitting in this office... but I'm money hungry. I'll work and work and work at a job I hate until I'm making the very maximum amount of cash I can get.

What annoys me is the people that actually fool themselves that they enjoy it. There is nothing enjoyable or satisfying about my career that beats persuing something considerably more exciting in my own time.

but now I'm just ranting. You're right, people are entitled to do what they want and people do considerably more interesting jobs than me. it's my fault.

(but the interesting jobs are always the low paid jobs... unless someone can tell me otherwise and I'm on it!!)

DaddyCool just because you hate your job doesn't mean that purchasing clerks or "mundane" administrators hate theirs. And there are thousands of people who enjoy being accountants. Doing a job you hate is your fault. You say you do it because you are money hungry. That sounds like a pretty dubious situation to me.

Sorry DC x post with you getting all self aware!

No offence

findtheriver, I was just commenting on the "not bringing up your own children"-type comment on the "why do people become sahm"-thread.I asked a few questions, but didn't get any intelligent answers to my questions. Those kinds of dramatic statements are so easy to throw about,but if you dig a little deeper it doesn't seem to be much of a thought-process going on behind.

riven, well, yes, I am side-stepping the issue personally by Home educating, but I'd still stay home anyway.

I am going back to work for the money Daddycool, I don't fool myself that my job is that interesting either!
If I did have some sort of private income though which meant that I didn't have to work or be dependent on dh, I probably still wouldn't look after ds full time, its boring! I would be "persuing something considerably more exciting in my own time."