thinking its mad, how everyone assumes your going to return to work, when your dcs start school?

[milkgoddessmakesthefinestmilk]

im not planning to, i want to be the one that takes dd to school picks her up from school is there if shes sick or on holiday.

don't school children have about 3 months of hols a year?

I'm not sure that children are that affected by what their mother does. Having an inspirational parent can affect you either way, depending on your own personality. My Mum was a SAHM all her life (even before she had children!) It used to annoy me (which was unfair I suppose) as many of my friends' mums worked and as a teenager I challenged her about it. She said that my Dad hadn't wanted her to work, so she didn't. It was nothing to do with the children, as this started when they got married and continued after we had grown up.

I don't think it really affected me either way, but since I'd had an education and training, it seemed a shame just to throw it all away. Far more emphasis needs to be given in schools to discussions of choices for women. Women are led to believe they can have it all, but I'm still not sure that's true.

Agree. I don't think that message has really got through very much!

I agree men need to do 50/50, but how do we do it? I think I see so many sahms on these thread (obviously not you riven) who think they are the only one who can truly care for their child. I think men look after children (and the house) is a very different way from women and I think often we don't like that. I know I laugh of DH sometimes because he cannot multi-task bless him. I have gradually learnt to leave it to him to do it his way. We do have a cleaner twice a week and I think she saves us from quite a few family-feuds.

I think that's a fair point fairymum. I know some mums who practically grit their teeth when their husband baths the baby or wants to take it out for the afternoon. Nothing worse than a possessive mother.

Yeah riven. Alive is good! Clean and fed is a bonus eh!!

being a sahm does not stifle a childs aspiration any more than being a WOHM enhances it.
It is important for parents to model all sorts of things for their children but my daughter is not going to grow up to be a SAHM because i am one. We are not all that two dimensional. My daughter does not live with an impoverished drudge - she lives with me. Her aspiration for life would not be improved by moveing to a house where mum works all day and comes home to clean the house. I am a SAHM but I live in a far more equal enviroment than many of the wOHMs in my circle.
My DH works all day but does many of the childcare and house based tasks - e is for example a far better cook than I.
Of course the more women in significant jobs the better. Of course women need to understand how to make them selves financially independent. But we also need the freedom to form families in the best interests of all its members.

A better focus would be much more child friendly working arrangemants rather than this belief that a woman has to work to teach her child how to be independent. And overturning societies view that a woman only achieves significance through paid work is a good start too.
I want access to good education for my children. i want equality of oppertunity and I want supprt for parents to jointly organise child care. After that I want everyone to mind their own business.

I have noticed that if I am around DH will not wake in the night unless he gets a very hard kick. When I around in the mornings, I get everyone organised to get out of the house while DH takes ages on a couple of tasks and always asks me what he needs to do

However, DH is responsible for the children in the mornings as I am already at my desk in the office when they wake. They manage just fine even if my children often wear their school-jumpers inside out and noone in our family have ever been seen with matching socks.

are socks supposed to match then??

If you want to set a good example for your children, then I think matching socks is important!

I was walking DS2 to the market yesterday and one of his socks from the day before fell out of his jeans leg.
I am clearly a very bad mother.
I did tuck it in my handbag and match it when I got home though..

Parent races are banned at my DCs schools. Apparently the parents got a leetle too competitive ...

PMSL Quattro

Pagwatch - your last post was spot on - well the one before the sock incident anyway! Freedom of choice for your own family is the key.

Primarily I want my children happy, healthy and educated. What they do with that education is up to them. If they want a career they can have one. If they want to flit from job to job, so long as it is legal and they want for nothing they can do that. If they want to stay at home and look after their children all day that is up to them - good luck to them I say. I want them to make their own minds up about what makes them happy, not copy me. They don't have to SAH just because I do and I don't expect them to work just because I will.

A career is not the be all and end all. Some of us just don't need it.

Quattro - you have a point that children living in poorer families have lower aspirations but I am don't necessarily think that it is lack of working parents that is the the key or even the poverty but a lack of education. Take a child from a poor family but educate them well and their aspirations match. Their family situation doesn't need to change.

The issue is not getting their parents to work (although that may make their life better of course) but making sure that the good schools are located in the poorer areas.

Fairymum - I don't think I am the only one who is capable of taking care of my children but I am the only one who wants to do it full time. DH is very good with them by the way and I have no hesitation leaving them with him at all.

Oldcroc - I agree with you too - we are lead to believe we can have it all.

But I don't think anybody does. There aren't enough hours in the day, we all have to compromise somewhere. I know that if I had continued to do my old job and look after the children I wouldn't have been able spend enough time on the job or on the children. Personally I would rather do one thing well (my choice to SAH) and drop the other (the job). Other people make other choices of course and good luck to them. Unfortunately I am a bit of perfectionist so it would have driven me mad not to be able to spend enough time on the job and still not see the children as much as I wanted. Others are perhaps better at compromising with their time.

I'm a SAHM but I work at the weekends ... best of both worlds

just being nosey gabby, what do you do?

I work in a cafe on a Saturday and stay at home during the week with my children - perfect arrangement all round. you can be a SAHM but still earn money and have a life of your own !!