thinking its mad, how everyone assumes your going to return to work, when your dcs start school?

[milkgoddessmakesthefinestmilk]

im not planning to, i want to be the one that takes dd to school picks her up from school is there if shes sick or on holiday.

don't school children have about 3 months of hols a year?

i don't think after school clubs existed when i was at school, although i would of been happy to go with a cm rather than home to a empty house

janni thanks yes ive been told that before, to see how i feel later!

tbh i could get locuming work, if i wanted to or have a change in professions

Right I'm tentatively dipping a toe in very uncertain waters by posting here but here goes...

What do you do all day when your children are at school? I'm not saying this to stir up sh*t I promise, and I understand that being there when your kids are around is one thing, but approx 6 hours per day 39 odd weeks of the year seems like alot of time to fill? I do about 1 hours housework a day (we do live in a small house), and I walk the dog and see friends but it doesn't seem to fill the day. I'm going back to work next week from having 6 months mat leave as I'm kinda bored.

lazyhen you don't sound v lazy to me

Thanks very much, but I am lazy the way I approach stuff... lazily walk the dog... lazily sits in starbucks comparing children....

Well I will not be able to afford to pay childcare for 2 dc, the plan is to see DD off to school, have another then stay at home until the 2nd is at school. Then I will reconsider. I feel bad about it but needs must. School causes me more childcare problems tbh. DD is at Nursery 3 full days. When she starts schools she will start later and finish earlier so I will need a childminder each end of the day.

I agree that it is harder to work when you have school age children than when they are younger.

My DD3s nursery is open about 51 weeks of the year, 0800-1800 so plenty of scope for working mums (and dads too of course).

School - well, let's see - DD2 starts in September, a week after DD1 who goes back into Year 5. DD1s school day is 0850-1505. DD2s will be 0845-1505. They are 2 different schools a mile apart. Logistically that's going to be interesting!

And there aren't exactly many jobs (certainly not in my field of work) that offer 0915-1445 hours, term time only. Finding childcare for 3 children in the school holidays is expensive and difficult.

So no, going back to work when the children are at school isn't automatic.

YABU to think it's mad. You know that really. The vast majority of mothers do work and find their way around stuff like holidays and afterschool care. You can only do this if you want to of course, and it sounds like you don't, which is a fair and valid approach. But YABU to think that the vast majority are mad.

Am glad lazyhen asked the question that dared not be asked.

I just had another thought... If your child is sick then a childcare provider wouldn't take your child anyway, you'd have to take time off work (and I imagine that most Mums working or not would want to be there for their sick children). I know there are policies in place at my work for this.

So as I understand it, it's the collecting/dropping off school children and holidays that cause the grief.

OP...you have a 11mo, do you not???

you regularly start SAHM threads....and now this.....?????

how do you know what you will do????

give it time please.

altho, good for you if you are that convisted to your beliefs

It's the zeal of the newly converted psycho

thefallenmadonna.......

I echo that.

Milky goddess I have a question.

How does your partner feature in this?

In your ideal situation would he/she be involved in after school pick ups or holiday caring?

I realise you are very much in love with your dd. But do you think that possibly you dd may also benefit from being looked after by other carers?

Also,

Do you think your dd may benefit from seeing a woman being successful and active in paid work? I ask because my daughter said once (with an incredulous scoff)

"But mummy, women don't go to work?!!??!"

She was young and I pointed out all the women she knew who did work, paramedics/writers/teachers/it specialists/nurses/councillors/blah blah BUT it made me flinch. (I didn't work at the time and what she saw was daddy's not around because they worked and mothers around looking after babies.

In answer to OP. yabu a little, it isn't mad. most people need paid work and lots love contributing in different ways to world.

But fuck it, sure people assuming anything about thee or me is pretty unreasonable .
and with that catch all I declare all AIBU threads to be reasonable

daughter meant.

obviously women don't go to work. she has evidence. with her own eyes. She was incredulous that I would even suggest it.

only kinda not really when she thought about it for more than a second but it was an impression she had.

Oh dear, not another SAHM thread!!
Who cares what everyone else thinks?

I always used to think that way too. Obviously you don't need to be at home all the time when your DCs at school. Reality interveneed when my eldest started . School doesn't make allowances for working parents (nor should they really) when they plan inset days, sports days, school plays. They tend to take a dim view if you are regularly late to pick up. Unlike most CMs or nurseries who make some effort to acomodate you.

I went part-time when my boy started school after having gone through 4 years of full-time work and childcare. It was just too problematic. And I wanted my DCs to be able to chill out after school in their own home. I have been lucky - not everyone can find hours that suit schools.

slur- with regard to role models for DDs, I'm not sure it really works. I was once asked by a DD of an older friend of mine "what do you do at work, are you a secretary?" . And this is a girl whose mum has always worked in pretty high powered jobs and at the time had a very succesful business.

I don't think it is 'mad' to assume that a parent is going to return to work once their child is at school.

It is personal choice.

I went to college p/t when DD started school so I actually had 2.5 days (taking into account home-based study and assignments) to myself. 1 day was spent doing housework and the other day and a half I could spend however I pleased. I got bored. Very, very bored. Most of my friends work too so meeting for coffee or whatever was not really a regular option.

I now work p/t and have childcare cover for the hours I need it. My hours mean that I can collect my kids from school 4 days a week (early starts and early finishes), so I don't miss out on that aspect.

It is possible to work and have school aged children.

Sickness cover can be difficult, especially if you have more than 1 child (I have 3). In cases of sickness I have to take annual leave or DH has to work from home. Neither are ideal solutions, but as we have no family childcare cover, it is our only option. We are by no means the only family in this predicament.

I dont think its mad to assume mum will return to work once their child is in school either.

You suddenly have a large part of the week free and housework doesnt take that long.

Some mums return for the interaction, some so that they have a life beyond once the child leaves home, some for financial reasons etc.

If your partner can support you to stay at home then its your choice, however if you are living on benefits then I dont think its unreasonable for people to expect you to work once children are in school.

i plan to go back to work just because i will be able to but will only work bank shifts so i can choose my own hours

people assume you will as many people say when they are at schooletc then when the time comes dont want to

but for myself and dp i want to if possible so i can have the independance of earning my own money and helping dp out

dp wants me to work full time and rely on my parents to take care of ds pick up from school etc holidays

but i said big fat no as not my parents responsibility its mine i will work i will earn money but i will also be there for my ds and if they will have him 2 days and i'll do overtime then that would be great but whatever money i earn and contribute will be more than we have now

Well even when you think youve got it 'sussed' something comes along and spoils the plan .....Im a nursery nurse and have worked in nurseries and pre schools whilst mine were there too the plan being that once the boys were in school i would try and work at the same school- so with ds1 6 and ds2 4 I applied to work at the village school the job was only temporary each year because it was funded by the pta but it suited me I had school holiday and side from the odd training day where i could take them with me it was all good.

I got the job but being new to the village hadnt realised Id stepped on peoples toes and some one whod been volunteering for years had also gone for it being assured the job was hers - I went to see the head who told me that technically this was true but id been the best interviewee and so I had the job to cut a long story short I declined the job!! well then surprise baby 3 came so i worked in a local hotel for several years.

we moved away from the village back to our home town and expected me to go to work in a school when ds3 went- middle child has blood problems and a M.E type virus- limiting his school attendance so once again I simply cannot work and i get the frequent question 'will u be going to work soon?'why are people whose business it is not -so keen to know why im not at work?

ds1 is now 14 and he came home from school few weeks ago and i wasnt there - dh was but he said to me ' its awful coming home and youre not there mum '