thinking its mad, how everyone assumes your going to return to work, when your dcs start school?

[milkgoddessmakesthefinestmilk]

im not planning to, i want to be the one that takes dd to school picks her up from school is there if shes sick or on holiday.

don't school children have about 3 months of hols a year?

no offence taken. I just have a disconnect with this stuff. I have many out of work interests and I can never understand why someone who has the option not to work, would work.

Dubious yes. Realistic, yes. I just can't find any job that I would enjoy that pays what I want it to.

fair comment LaVie. I think I'm digressing (sp?.. ahh who cares).

Riven, I need a [roffle] emoticon now!

"What annoys me is the people that actually fool themselves that they enjoy it."
How do you know they fool themselves? I love my job and its well-paid. I am not fooling myself or if I am it
obviously makes me happy to fool myself so that's good too I think you need to sort out your own situation which sounds far from ideal.

there is no sorting my situation. I want to rollerblade, windsurf, hike, camp and just generally fart about all the time. that just isn't realistic. I'm just a moaning old cow. take no notice.

To the OP only,

Would you say I was unreasonable to have my suspicions that some SAHP's prefer being a SAHP because they weren't able to get much enjoyment/fulfilment from their job or didn't have much of a career going to start with, so by comparision it was always going to come in as a poor second to being a SAHP.

Just so that you realise that not all working parents will envy you or admire the choice you have made without their doubts as to why you are so evangelically keen on that particular path.

daddyCool.... get your wife back to work. Work half time each. Same standard of living.. and you get to do your rollerblading, windsurfing etc!! There are ways and means... just means thinking creatively. I hate to think of you sitting in your office being miserable, your kids at school and your wife at home... makes no sense!

Why don't you become a windsurfing instructor, open a British Camping Holidays company, or whatever? If it doesn't pay what you want, so what? Reduce your lifestyle. Is it better to waste your life in a job you loathe just so that you can have material things, or or live a life you enjoy and that stimulates you? Which would you advise your children to do - follow their hearts or "fumble in a greasy till"? You won't have much space for material things in your tent anyway.

This is meant in a bracing lifecoach manner btw not in a preachy preachy way.

it does make sense because my wife doesn't have nearly the same earnings potential. Not the same standard of living at all.

Of course I'm miserable! Most men are and so they should be! I'm a little old fashioned that way. I just don't believe a job should be enjoyable I guess. hmmmm.

Well DaddyCool if you don't believe a job should be enjoyable you are WEIRD and will never be happy and if you are so concerned about standard of living my sympathy dries up here.

I'd feel like a loser if I didn't earn big money. simple fact. It's in my blood. Couldn't get myself out of bed for the wages that the professions you've mentioned pay.

I would tell my boy to follow his heart and assume he's not the same as me (then I'd be thinking the whole time "god sakes boy, you should be making for money!" )

'more' money, not 'for'.

You are a loon plain and simple then and beyond my ken.

you're right. I'll piss off now and stop hijacking this poor poster's thread.

Well my sympathy has dried up too daddycool! You are a perfect example of why women SHOULD get themselves well qualified, get a decent job and keep their hand in. Where's the joy in a woman having crap earning potential, then marrying a man who can earn a decent amount but hates his job?? Sounds like a bum deal all round to me!

but she's happy and that's a big thing.

I mean that as well. I guess I just believe a man should work at a job he hates to make plenty of money for his family. It's painfully old fashioned but it's how I feel. I'm not a particularly unhappy person in general so I probably get happiness out of the fact that I think I'm doing what's right.

I'll go now.

If you believe a relationship is about one partner being happy at the expense of the other, then I don't think it's oldfashined... just seriously misguided.
And I'd also say it's a strange woman who can honestly be happy, knowing the person she is sharing her life with is not happy.

"Of course many mums find a way round the holidays - but at what cost?"

Well the studies work both ways and show different results but on balance you are probably kidding yourself if you think you are advantaging your children by staying at home. Particularly if you are bringing them up in poverty.

Daddycool, your post made me sad on many counts. Yes your wife stays at home, but at what cost? You're having a miserable work experience to finance your wife's lifestyle. Why not send her out to work? It must be your turn now ...

For the record, it is perfectly possible to have jobs that are well paid and interesting. I absolutely love my job and it is very very well paid. Yes working in a dull job for little money would be soul-destroying, and if it's a choice between that or staying at home, then I understand staying at home. But there are interesting jobs out there - you shouldn't have to shackle yourself to something you don't enjoy.

p.s. mind you, I'm glad you've discovered MN! Must do a little to ease the tedium of those office hours

Daddy you are actually THE reason why women shouldn't just opt out of financial responsibility. If you got an interesting job and she got a job, you might be able in time to match your current earnings, and I think you'd both be happier.

oh no no, don't blame her. her earnings potential is a drop in the ocean and it's me that feels this way, not necessarily her and we tried to fix the problem by us moving abroad and me stepping away from my work a bit and all i did was moan that I wasn't happy not making loads of cash.

this is me. it's me thinking i'm not a man unless i'm making serious moola.

Quattro, what do you do? I'm nosy as you and I agreed on a thread last week along similar lines and now I want to know!!!!!

(it was the one where I got a pasting for saying that it IS perfectly possible to work and arrange childcare in the hols)

I'm not opting out of financial responsibility by not bringing in a wage. I still have the responsibility to help us budget in a sensible manner.

Why do you care about money so much? So much that you sacrifice your life for it?

That's the bit I can't understand.