thinking its mad, how everyone assumes your going to return to work, when your dcs start school?

[milkgoddessmakesthefinestmilk]

im not planning to, i want to be the one that takes dd to school picks her up from school is there if shes sick or on holiday.

don't school children have about 3 months of hols a year?

Daddycool, it's still v sad that you don't enjoy your job, tho'. My dh earns a v.good salary but also loves his job and even when he retires will still do something, even if just occasional lecturing etc. It seems a waste of your life if you're spending half of it feeling unhappy.

she doesn't want a good paying job. good paying jobs are really boring LOL.

Sorry I don't mean to spotlight you I genuinely have never come across this point of view. I know a lot of very successful, highly paid men and women and a lot of very successful, not highly paid men and women and I really have never heard your view expressed, DaddyCool.

Well paid jobs are really boring???

What, like running a huge multibillion pound company? Being a barrister? Being a leading surgeon?

You know you're talking bollocks now DC

DaddyCool is a bit like my husband really, who long before he met me chose a career route that would make him money rather than do something he enjoyed, because the thing he enjoyed paid crap. He enjoys that he is the breadwinner, he likes providing for his family, he is a great dad who does loads with ds outside of work but says he would never want to stay at home with him as he'd go mental and be bored.

I don't see anything wrong with his choices. The world needs different type of people and different type of people get happiness different ways. If I hated a job my whole life would be miserable because job enjoyment for me is the end in itself, not pay, with dh, the pay itself is the reward that makes the job worthwhile.

He is very very happy in his life. And I don't have a "lifestyle".

I have no intention to work for another few years. Me being home enables DH to do his job which he loves, and it is only 39hrs a week. He works shifts so is off alot in the week daytime, that is like our 'weekend' when we get stuff done and do shopping etc. So there are only about 2 days a week when I am at home with the kids at school, I do 16 hrs a week OU study and volunteer with school quite abit. I have very little spare time. I would maybe like a career one day but I have already tried combining that with kids f/t and in my eyes something had to give and in the end it was the job. For me, i can have both, but would rather do one at a time (for now anyway). I don't care about being dependent on DH as he is on me anyway just as much. In my view, living on one wage (and thus having someone avaliable as back up worker) is preferable to depending on two wages.

I personally wouldn't choose to be an accountant in a million years, I freely admit that, but "good paying jobs are really boring LOL" is a really weird view.

I had always assumed I'd go back to work as soon as my children were at school - I was a librarian before I had DS, running a small branch in SW London, and when DD went to school I looked at library jobs, but in my area, all library staff had to work 3 Saturdays out of 4, which I wasn't prepared to do - also they were starting the long process of cutting down on qualified staff, so it might have been difficult to get a job anyway.

I started thinking about retraining, but in the meantime I was volunteering regularly at DS & DD's schools, as well as a lot of PTA work. Anyway I started a voluntary project with the chair of Governors, reorganising the Junior school library & by the time DD started there I was 'working' there about 12 hours a week. After a while, a paid support job came up which was 8 hours a week & I was asked if I wanted to do it - a bit later on they discovered I knew a bit about computers & one thing led to another & I now work fulltime in term time as ICT support manager - something I would never have remotely considered as a career, never having thought of myself as a technical person.

It has been useful being around in holiday time and after school - like a previous poster I would not have been too happy with the idea of leaving two teenagers in the house - not because they would have been alone, but because they wouldn't!

I don't think it ever really occurred to us that I was 'living off' DH or not making a contribution - when DS & DD are through with university, we are thinking of DH giving up his job to carry out various projects & I'd be quite happy to be the only earner if necessary.

my dad did a job that he loved. we never had any money. i thought he was a loser and i don't understand him. it's just something stained on my brain.

it's as if I know he's right and i'm wrong but i would still feel like sh*t if i didn't make the cash so it's a price i'm willing to pay.

this does drive my dw insane by the way. have no illusions. she's not this women egging me on for higher and higher paying jobs. it's me.

Oh DaddyCool you would HATE me in RL! I am not your type of person at all.

You seem an easygoing guy & have taken criticism on the chin so all I can say is good luck to you.

Gotta get back to work myself now. WOHM today and NOT very productive.

but they are marmite. the really enjoyable jobs are always low paying simply for that reason! the employer knows it's an enjoyable job so they pay very little.

running a multibillion pound company is boring. it is. it's all admin and corporate bullshit. being a barrister is incredibly boring! it's the same! paperwork and red tape!

surgeon. ahh, now there is an exception but you'd never see your family. your sacrificing loads for that kind of thing.

hmm. this is a tough one. We're now going in to the realms of what I consider boring and what other people don't and then I get back into that argument about people fooling themselves.

Kay, see I think you are opting out of financial responsibility by not earning. It also subjects the earner to sole-provider pressure, and exposes the family to increased financial risk (through illness, redundancy, recession etc). Look at the sad state Daddycool is in.

Of course those aren't the real reasons for my working, I work because I enjoy my job. I like the opportunities I have of mixing with eminent and occasionally terrifically clever and motivated people with a range of different skills. I like the challenge of six impossible things before breakfast. I like the stretch. I have no idea how sahms keep their brains alive (I suspect they don't) and they simply can't be keeping any workplace skills alive, which must make them incredibly dependent. But that's their choice. It wouldn't be for me.

Quattro, I agree re. the sole provider pressure. I'm sure this is a problem a lot of men experience but feel unable to broach.

"I have no idea how sahms keep their brains alive (I suspect they don't)"

oh ffs.

Hmmm, see now quattro resembles the type of person I'm familiar with. I don't think you'll appreciate this Quattro but in my experience you're the kind of person that says she likes it, says she likes juggling it all, says she has to keep her brain stimulated at all times.... but then when you look into their eyes, they look tired and their expression tells a different story.

I reckon both me and Quattro come across as very similar people in RL. Only diff is that I always tell myself that what I'm doing is really shit and she doesn't.

lol at SAHMs not keeping the brain alive! If that is what people think, though, I really don't mind. And so what if some SAHMs did take a 'brain break' what does it matter? Would working on a checkout etc be a better workout for the brain? Do all jobs offer intellectual stimulation? Life is short, if they are happy good luck to them. Although deep down I would wonder if they (the vocal anti-SAHM) were envious (what else can it be?) or felt they had less choices and I wonder why they think they should dictate another persons choice? Whos business is it if I want to stay home and enjoy my kids and time/life?

someone had a great point a few months (years?) ago on this....

"how many people laying on their death beds say 'hey you know, i wish i had spent more time in the office'"

that just sums it up for me.

also, if you won the lottery (a few million say), would you still work? loads of people say they would. i think they are full of poop. they probably would still work but it wouldn't be in a bloody office.

You know Daddy, I disagree with you about that. You see people occasionally losing their drive - motivation ebbs and flows but when the drive goes you've had it.

So what causes the drive? Well enjoyment is a key part but one thing it is definitely not about is money, Daddy. It's about stuff like market place reputations, beating the oppo, devising clever solutions, leading edge thinking all that sort of stuff. So I think we are different animals.

Quattro, I'm quite surprised at your attitude towards SAHM.s

Really surprised in fact.

I am a SAHM and admit that I'm not exactly stretching my brain work-wise, but I do use it a great deal. I have many things I am interested in which knowledge I am able to expand whilst being at home, I do not need to be in the workplace to do it.
In fact, I might suggest that though your brain is being 'stretched' it is only working in one area, your employment, whereas mine is all over the place, constantly learning new and different things.

I do plan to go back to work once my youngest starts school, and am studying to make sure I can do a job I shall enjoy, will pay ok, and will allow me to still do most childcare myself but if I didn't ever have to work, i.e. if I had won the lottery there is no way I would 'work' as such.

sounds like bullshit bingo to me.

wouldn't you rather be absailing?

.. and anyway, that sounds like a lot of work

I must say the 'keeping their brains alive' comment sounded pretty daft to me too - I read so much more widely and deeply when I was a SAHM than I ever seem to get the time to do now (that could be because I didn't have MN then of course...)

I would hate to be abseiling - I can't imagine anything worse except possibly your other wannados "rollerblade, windsurf, hike, camp and just generally fart about all the time." We're entirely different animals, Daddy.