thinking its mad, how everyone assumes your going to return to work, when your dcs start school?

[milkgoddessmakesthefinestmilk]

im not planning to, i want to be the one that takes dd to school picks her up from school is there if shes sick or on holiday.

don't school children have about 3 months of hols a year?

I've been a SAHM for years and never felt any pressure for my decision until I joined Mumsnet. People here seem to be obsessed with wondering what we do all day, why we don't want to work, when we will re-join the work force, etc.
Everyone makes choices that suit their own families.
My dh loves that he isn't involved in taking time off for sick children, hospital/dentist appointments, never has to cook or do housework or help with homework at the end of his working day.
My teenagers love that I'm available to drive them and their friends places, pick them up from school if they finish early, drop their forgotten sports gear/homework into the school etc.
I love that I'm the heart of the home. I love being here now for the 14 weeks holidays my dc have this summer. I love being available to bring them to activities if they want, or hang out here with them if they want that. I love that when they're sick I'm able to be with them and care for them.
We are all winners in this choice my dh and I made, WHY WOULD WE CHANGE IT?

Slur - excellent post.
Up to you, OP, what you do if you can afford it, though personally I'd want more to life once the kids are in school 6 plus hours a day.
But why try to predict how you're going to feel several years ahead? You may well be itching to get back to work by then!!

Potoftea - Are you not worried that your dc have grown up thinking this is what women do? And that men don't have to help in the house?

If you're happy with this situation then great. What will you do when the dcs move out?

I do work part time, but the difficulty is in the school holidays. If you are in a well paid job there is a lot of choice of different types of childcare, childminders and summer schemes etc, but although I really enjoy my job it is not well paid, and the cost of childcare for 2 children during all the half terms and school holidays makes it hardly worth my while working. It is only because my mum helps out that it is financially viable for me to work.

I know frankie. For most people, it's a case of splitting some of the annual leave, so that your partner and you each have some responsibility. And then paying for childcare for the remainder of the time. TBH, compared to paying all day childcare for preschool children, it is financially worthwhile. The logistics of childcare are more tricky, i agree, but financially you can't help but be better off when your children are in school (and in effect being looked after for free!) for over 6 hours of the day. LOL at the 14 weeks summer holiday that potoftea refers to.... sounds like her kids are home more than in school!
I think one needs to take a long term view in this situation. Your children will not need before/after school and holiday care forever. They grow up, and step by step you can give them more independence which is great for helping them move towards adulthood anyway. eg I remember getting to the point where my eldest was allowed to be at home after school for a couple of hours, but we still made arrangements for the whole days during holidays. It's a step by step process. And eventually there will be a time when they are capable of being on their own for longer periods of time AND WILL WANT TO!!! Hugely important! And you will have a life of your own which doesnt revolve around them (which they will also want you to have - nothing worse for a teenager than feeling that a parent is dependent on them). LaVieEnRose makes an excellent point - our children will (hopefully) grow up to become independent adults with a life of their own, so its essential to make sure we have our own lives too!

I think anyone who makes assumptions of any kind is mad these days. Though obviously not in a proper 'thinking the pepper-pot is talking to me' way.

I've said it before, I'm never going back to work.

I have a perfect situation - I am a teacher. I honestly don't know how people with normal jobs do it, especially if there is no family near by. At most LEA schools there are 12 weeks holiday a year and 5 teacher training days.
Of course, you have to take into account the days when your children are ill, but I also have 2 retired grand parents on stand by.
I think the answer is, get a job in a school. I would hate not to work and I don't think it's healthy for women not to... Yikes, it just slipped out, sorry!!!!

It's swings and roundabouts though hashim.... teachers work longish days (often in work from 8 am to 5 or 6) and in many respects it can be easier to find another job that fits around school hours. I have several friends who have arranged flexible hours, enabling them to drop their kids at school and pick up) and NONE of them are teachers! the teachers I know are working a longer day!!! I also know some people who have negotiated term time only working - friend of mine works in a bank and gets this. Being a teaching assistant is a shorter day (though even then, unless you're in the same school as your children, you will need before and after school arrangements) but being a teacher is not necessarily the most family-friendly career.

YANBU, I originally planned to go back to work when my youngest went to school, partly financial, then DH job changed within the same company and now he travels so much it is impossible for me to work, although the financial side is sorted.

Now my plan is to go back to work when my youngest goes to comprehensive school in 3 years, but something that still allows me some flexibility to be here for my DCs. I'm looking into attending a refresher course for my shorthand, as I've heard our local council are finding it difficult to recruit people who can do shorthand.

As for what I do when the kids are in school. I was on the pta, helping out in school but we bought a holiday let property, renovated it ourselves and now I do that one day a week. I'm CRB checked so I help out a friend who runs a nursery/playgroup when one of her staff is on holiday or sick. I walk the dog, attempt housework, cook from scratch and play tennis.

I get a lot of fun made of me by everyone (DH, family, friends) when asked what I do at a recent night out my BIL chipped in "semi professional tennis player", I was narked to say to the least but laughed it off.

Like others have said, this is my life choice, at the moment, and I'm loving every minute of it.

You've made your decision to SAH so enjoy your time with your DD, believe me it flies by.

What I think is mad is the assumption that it is impossible to find ways round things like the school holidays etc. Agree with quattro that it is fine to not work then if that is what you want, and with hula that school gives new sets of issues to working parents - not just the hours and finding childcare round them but also the after school clubs, the reading/homework etc.

I am currently in the worst (IMO) position for a working parent - having one at school and one at day nursery. So my school age DS goes to a CM before and after school and my DD goes to nursery so that is two pick ups and two drop offs and all to be fitted in with football practice, swimming lessons etc.

I only work 3 days a week though so have two days to catch up on other things, spend time with DD and do the school run, also allowing DS to have friends for tea. And I have noticed that people assume I will be increasing my hours once DD goes to school. Not so... I have considered spreading them over more days which would be fine in term time (although actually increasing my working week because I have a 40 min commute) but would not be difficult in the holidays.

Do what you want. It's no-one's business but yours. I am a sahm and my children are at school and it suits us fine. If anyone had a problem with that I'd tell 'em to bog off

YABU in "thinking that it's mad" because it shows that you have baby blinkers on and cannot see beyond your own life. Other people have different lives and different pressures. I personally think you are a little bizarre not to be able to grasp this and understand why people are therefore starting from the assumption that you will return to work eventually.

You are also being insensitive to those who have to return to work.

I presume that in stating your planned course in life you have someone else lined up to fund your SAHP'ing and can guarantee that you won't be affected by any of the following, Death, Debt, Divorce.

Have you also got alternative pension plans in place because without working/contributing to a pension plan you'll be dependent on someone else in old age ?

See, there's more to it than you thought isn't there ?

Findtheriver,
It works for me. My partner drops DC off at school, I get to my own school mega early to get things done. I try not to stay too long after school hours, although my DC do have to go to after school club. Then holidays are all mum time, with dad for 5 weeks a year. The only problems are sometimes when I have parent's evening 3 times a year and sometimes evening plays/trips, but this can generally be worked around.

I have 6 siblings and my mum has always worked full time. It just seemed normal to me to do exactly the same.

I think it's important for children to realise that womens careers are just as important as men's.

good post sitdown

I love that 'someone lined up to fund your SAHP'ing', like it's a akin to being an heiress It-girl out on the party scene

hashim - I totally agree! As a F/T working mother, I think it's vital that our children grow up realising that women's careers are just as important as men's.
I was just making the point that sometimes people assume that being a teacher is the ultimate answer to any childcare problems, whereas in fact it isnt. You are very lucky that your DH can drop your children at school - many teachers are married to people who also need to leave for work by 7.45/8 am and therefore DO need before care school, as well as after school. The friends I know who work within school hours are NOT teachers - teachers work a far longer day!!

Well, I think it's important for children to realize that waged employment isn't the be-all and end-all.

totally agree kayharker. Not the be-all and end-all. But an important and hopefully fun and interesting part of life. I'm certainly glad that my own dds and ds are motivated to want good career prospects.

Not sure about that Kayharker. My children know that they have good holidays, a nice home, music lessons etc etc, because their mum and dad work hard. As adults I hope they can appreciate this.

Logging off....... but i'm sure this debate will continue. It's all personal and financial choice and I suppose some people don't have any choice when it comes to work. Bye x

We have a nice home, too, funded by their father's work, and I certainly hope they appreciate it now and will in the future. I also hope they will see the value in their mother being able to help out in all sorts of situations at a moments notice, without a wage.

I don't mind if parents want to work, have to work or don't want to go back to employment and choose not to. I don't think any one particular choice is 'healthier' than the other. As long as you're being a generally useful person, I don't see the issue, really.

I don't think the nice home, music lessons etc are the most important thing... though of course having a roof over your head is essential!! It's the more 'hidden' rewards of working that IME are more significant - the self esteem it brings, and the real life experience for children that mum and dad can both do parenting and both work too.

yes, but I'm sorry, those hidden rewards are not confined to waged employment. I am quite content with my self-esteem levels, and my kids have evidence that one can work and be a parent too, in their dad.

Of course they aren't confined to waged employment! But if you have an interesting and stimulating work life as well as home life then it's a bonus - it provides a lot of positives to complement the positives that home and family life brings.