To book holiday without friend

[TarzanGirl]

Have a bit of a dilemma here and don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or not…

Group of 4 friends. 3 of us are what you would call ‘high earners’ whilst our 4th friend works a more ‘hobby’ job for want of a better term and only earns about £45/50k a year.

Last year, we’d all agreed on a city break destination but the proposed hotel was vetoed by our friend due to being too costly, so we went to an alternative (which wasn’t great) at her request.

We are looking at going away again later this year. Early discussions between two of us (not the 4th friend). We really want to stay somewhere more luxurious but know our friend won’t be able to afford it.

Out of the options below, what do you think is most appropriate? We give our friend the option of joining, knowing full well she can’t stay there and when she suggests an alternative, say no. Or book without her knowledge and hope she doesn’t find out about it? We don’t really post on social media so that’s not an issue.

Only earns 50k. Wow! I've never earned close to 50k in my entire life.

Bloody hell. I thought I was doing pretty well with a £47k PA job…I feel poor now 😢

Oh, and you sound mean.

It’s fine to want to go to a luxury hotel. Just be honest and breezy about it. She may well make it work. If not then maybe plan something more budget friendly to do with her next year

You tell her where you’re going and ask if she wants to join. If she says she’d like to stay somewhere alternative you tell her that you’re really basing the trip around the hotel and it’s something all three of you feel strongly about.
Let her know that she has plenty of time to save up for it or she can skip the trip.

I would hide or lie. Just be honest that it’s the hotel you want to stay at and you’re not willing to change it.

Firstly, if I was the lower earner I would have the common sense to know I wouldn't be able to keep up or go on every trip.

Secondly, I would actually hope that my friends valued their time with me more than going to a luxurious hotel that they could go to on any of their other trips abroad.

But most importantly, I would absolutely not be friends who people who were planning a 'secret holiday' without me. So do what you want, but you have to tell her.

I’d invite her as it’s horrible to feel excluded.

Why don't you go to the same place and your friend can book a cheaper hotel to stay in for herself. Booking without her is not good.

Probably shouldn't have used the word 'only' when referring to a salary of £50K, either. Do you seriously not realise how astonishingly out of touch with reality that makes you sound?

I'm on about 26k a year, what must you think of my salary 😂you and your friends sound awful!

You can go wherever you want on holiday. I would invite her and if she asks to stay cheaper just say ‘we really want this one’ and maybe next time do something a bit cheaper. Maybe she’ll just have to come with you every other year if it’s out of her budget to give her longer to save.

Some of your words are unfortunate ‘hobby job’ is only going to wind people up when attached to what most people consider a decent salary. However, the sentiment is the same in that you should be able to go wherever you like without worrying about someone else’s costs. That’s for her to work out, not you. You might lose her as a friend so you have to be okay with that.

I know christ, I wish I earned "only" 50k! 😂.

I agree with the others, you sound like awful friends. Hopefully she'll find less stuck up, patronising ones to go on holiday with.

With friends like you I would rather be friendless. What a horrible snooty person you come across as.

You sound absolutely hideous. 'Hobby job'. 'Penalised for having successful careers'. So you don't think your friend, who earns an above average salary in a job she's passionate about, is as successful as you three? Sounds to me like she's hit the jackpot in life - except for her choice of friends. TBH if this ends the friendship she'll be better off, by the sounds of it.

You did her choice last time, so it's fair to do someone else's choice this time. So it's fair to say that you're planning to go to X this time and invite her. It's not fair to try to be secretive about it. She should realise that it's fair for her to get her way last time, and to simply opt out this time if it's too expensive for her, or just not a destination she wants to go to.

It depends on whether the luxuriousness of the hotel is more important to you than the company of your friend.

If I were her I would find better friends.

Am very confused.

'hobby' because she has a rich husband or a trust fund?

If she is single and has no children, £40-50K seems a relatively large salary.

Is it just that she has different priorities? If so, just be honest about what you want from your holiday.

You sound like a pretentious snob: I have stayed in 5 star luxury hotels and didn’t even use the concierge so I must be a heathen!

A lot of people earn a lot less than £45/£50k. Go without her and let her make some nice friends

Christ, ‘only 45-50k’ 🙄 So approximately 80 percent of the UK that earn less than that have ‘niche’ or ‘hobby’ jobs, do they?

You sound utterly clueless, and as another poster pointed out, I’d be really upset if my friends secretly booked a holiday without me because I couldn’t afford it.

If you and your other mates are so highly earning, why not offer to pay for a chunk of it so she can be with you? She’ll be very aware that her (perfectly decent) salary seems like peanuts to you, so why don’t you prove her company is the most important thing here? I did this once - a friend couldn’t afford a group abroad holiday for my birthday so I just paid for her flight and hotel and said ‘just buy me some drinks while we’re there and let’s never think about it again.’ Simply put, I had the money at the time, she didn’t. Most important thing was that she was there - it’s possible to do this gracefully without anyone feeling embarrassed or ‘owed’.

Jesus 50k hobby job. We are working our absolute arses off and don’t earn that much.

That’s quite nasty to do that behind her back. It’s the 3 of you who want to go there and can afford to. As pp said the 3 of you could club together so she can go.

How much do you value friendship, that the only friends you keep have to be within a specific tax bracket? Make sure to interview your friends better next time to make sure they are also elitists who only care about luxury and capitalism.

If y'all make so much more than her. Pay her difference. Uugh. Clearly your priorities are out of whack.

I'd value friendship over a concierge. Maybe just show her this thread, OP. Then she'll realise you are not a friend to her and won't want to come away with you anyway.

Am absolutely howling at the "no concierge" comment.

Maybe it's just me, but I'm quite happy to wheel my own suitcase if it means getting to spend time with my friends.

That's how you view it? A penalty?

Clearly you aren't her friends so do what you like, she won't have lost anything.

You need to give her the option of joining you, she can decline if she wants.