To book holiday without friend

[TarzanGirl]

Have a bit of a dilemma here and don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or not…

Group of 4 friends. 3 of us are what you would call ‘high earners’ whilst our 4th friend works a more ‘hobby’ job for want of a better term and only earns about £45/50k a year.

Last year, we’d all agreed on a city break destination but the proposed hotel was vetoed by our friend due to being too costly, so we went to an alternative (which wasn’t great) at her request.

We are looking at going away again later this year. Early discussions between two of us (not the 4th friend). We really want to stay somewhere more luxurious but know our friend won’t be able to afford it.

Out of the options below, what do you think is most appropriate? We give our friend the option of joining, knowing full well she can’t stay there and when she suggests an alternative, say no. Or book without her knowledge and hope she doesn’t find out about it? We don’t really post on social media so that’s not an issue.

If she is your friend why leave her out? Keeping it a secret is definitely wrong

I get what you meant with the hobby term but niche does make more sense.

I think you have to go ahead and offer her the chance to decline, otherwise she will be very hurt.

If she can't go on this trip I would make sure to plan another more economical trip later in the year or early next year, to ensure she can join in.

and it feels a bit like we are being penalised for having successful careers.

😆 obviously a wind up

YABVU for calling something a “hobby job” that “only” pays £45-50k! I have a career job with 20 years experience and it pays significantly less than that.

if I wanted to holiday with my friends I’d pick somewhere we could all afford. That’s what friends are for. why don’t you organise a group holiday that’s affordable then a separate one to the pricey place? That way the friend doesn’t miss out.

This has got to be a windup

Invite her.
“X & I are looking to book to go to ABC in (date). Is this something you’d be interested in coming to? It’s £Y per person, flying from (airport) and we’re staying in (hotel). We’re looking to book this weekend, let me know if you’re interested.”

Wow. No concierge? I can’t imagine having to carry my own bags. Definitely worth ditching a friend and making her feel shit for.

Sure it is

You can always go away together and she can book nearish but more suited to her budget accommodation.

An outing hobby?
Makes lycra cycling clothes??

I think this thread will make it over to the recent "the most unreasonable of unreasonable" thread 😂
Yes, OP. You sound twatish

Severely limited earning @ 50k?

Blimey, do you ever mix with the hoi polloi....

Go where you like, be honest, own the consequences.

I'm a Nurse not earning £50k, am I in a hobby job? Never classed my job as a hobby before, kind of need it to pay my rent and bills. 🙄

Crumbs was better at this.

This is a rather poor Lidl-style riff. Needs work.

If you go without telling her you’ll destroy the friendship for good. If this is an annual thing maybe you could alternate between hotels she can afford and more expensive ones so that at least she’ll be able to join you every other year. And shop around a bit more for a better deal so that the cheaper holiday is more enjoyable.

You lost me at hobby job and the stealth wealth boast that they 'only' earn £45-50k, implying that the rest of you earn much more.

Include her, don't be mean. Just because you're earning more doesn't give you a high staus to look down on her which does come across like this in your post.

Give her enough advanced notice to save up to stay there as a treat. Alternatively, does she have a birthday coming up, why don't you other 3 pay the difference? Don't be arseholes about a friend who earns less.

So you've already had multiple trips, where presumably you got to chose the accomodation and this trip is specifically for this group.

You choose, is the accomodation or the friendship most important? And tell

Maybe I'm odd but I'd put spending time with my friend above staying somewhere luxurious -

That's the normal thing to do. I go away with friends every year, all different incomes.

Just tell her that you are set on a particular hotel and give her the option to come or not. Being secretive will ruin the friendship.

I hope for society that this is not real. Initially is, and people like you really exist, then your friend has been wasting her time and energy being friend with you. You don't deserve her friendship. She'll find much better friends who understand and respect the values of friendships.

She needs to find new friends, you sound insufferable.

Give her the choice. She's on £50k, not peanuts. If you want to spend £10k on a holiday and she doesn't then she'll bow out. I do think you need to stop the teenage chittering behind each others' backs though, that's going to quickly destroy friendships.

Oh, life is so hard!

If you are all high earners, is it possible to divide the extra cost for your friend between the 3 of you?