To book holiday without friend

[TarzanGirl]

Have a bit of a dilemma here and don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or not…

Group of 4 friends. 3 of us are what you would call ‘high earners’ whilst our 4th friend works a more ‘hobby’ job for want of a better term and only earns about £45/50k a year.

Last year, we’d all agreed on a city break destination but the proposed hotel was vetoed by our friend due to being too costly, so we went to an alternative (which wasn’t great) at her request.

We are looking at going away again later this year. Early discussions between two of us (not the 4th friend). We really want to stay somewhere more luxurious but know our friend won’t be able to afford it.

Out of the options below, what do you think is most appropriate? We give our friend the option of joining, knowing full well she can’t stay there and when she suggests an alternative, say no. Or book without her knowledge and hope she doesn’t find out about it? We don’t really post on social media so that’s not an issue.

You sound like an insufferable snob.

Hobby job yourself off into the bin.

No shit, Sherlock 😘

No concierge! Oh god ... I see what you mean. Leave her behind, you can't be expected to carry your own bags or book your own tables. She'll understand if she's a good friend.

No way in the world this is real

Well, even very expensive hotels can have problems as I have experienced. I think the more important point is that you are essentially dumping your friend despite her earning a good wage because it's not good enough for you. My friends are my friends because of the people they are and not their earning potential. Your high earning little clique sound quite poisonous TBH.

Actually having read this back, I think the friendship is done anyway. You don't like her.

I’d love to read the “hobbyist’s” AIBU: To stop seeing my friends because they think I’m not worthy of their friendship because I don’t earn enough.

What job does she do? 50k is more than lots of teachers. I can assure that ain’t my hobby love.

Put like that I can definitely see your point. I think we are going to have to tell her and give her the choice of joining but stand firm on where we’d like to go.

I think you should be open about this and invite her to the more expensive hotel. Everyone will then know where they stand and you all will not need to hide it from her in the future.

Invite her, make it clear that's where you're planning to go, don't pressure her to come if she can't afford it, accept she may be hurt that you chose to go somewhere knowing she wouldn't / come, don't be dismissive about "hobby jobs" that earn less than you do

Blimey I wish I didn’t use the term hobby, I couldn’t think of the term to use. ‘Niche’ probably would have been better - something my friend is passionate about but has severely limiting earning potential. Of course she works hard etc.

You're putting luxury accommodation before your friend. That's pretty despicable.

I earn a lot less than this hobby job but work hard.
I think with attitude op has that option 1 way to go but your friend might become more distant.
An example from my life...a friend of mine wanted me to go away for a weekend with her. Far too expensive for me. She said I want your company. It was a one off event and normally we choose something we can both afford. We had a lovely time. It is a bit different to your situation. I am aware this friend tries to sub me if something out of my financial comfort zone. Sometimes I let her and sometimes I stretch myself a little. She is a good friend though.

A hobby job -45k!!!!!!! Only on mumsnet

our 4th friend works a more ‘hobby’ job for want of a better term and only earns about £45/50k a year.

I'm a teacher and earn about that. Do you think I have a 'hobby' job?

What about nurses, cleaners, police, loads of NHS staff, and all the other millions of people who do jobs earning that or less?

Niche, hobby, whatever.

She earns less than you so you are looking for ways to cut her off. Just book the holiday, tell her why you didn’t include her, job done. Hopefully she’ll realise how horrible you and the others are and find new friends,

”Only” £50k! Stuck up cow! Pay for her to go if you’re so fucking loaded!

This.
I'd be glad if supposed friends like that didn't include me in any future events.

Are you for real?

Is the luxury hotel more important to you than spending time with this friend? Really?
If so, I’m amazed you have even posted for advice, as this is clearly not a close friendship and you shouldn’t be worried about the consequences of making that choice.

I understand that the compromise you made last time didn’t work out too well, but that doesn’t mean that a compromise this time will end the same way. You could just be more careful about the alternative choice and check reviews before you book rather than after you have been.

People are rightly really pissed off than you are dismissing decent earnings in the Real World as somehow less worthwhile than yours.

That's what MOST people earn doing hard and exhausting, stressful work. You need a reality check.

Maybe I'm odd but I'd put spending time with my friend above staying somewhere luxurious - to me, the company of someone I love is more important. Surely it's not difficult to find something within her budget that isn't horrible? I suppose it depends on how much you value the friendship I guess 🤷‍♀️

🤣

Give her the option, she doesn't have to come. I feel sorry for her but you shouldn't have to have a crappy holiday because of her

Who needs friends when you can have a concierge!!
Obviously go on the fancy holiday OP, leave your peasant friend behind, on her tiny salary (which, incidentally, is what I earn as a doctor. Never realised I was in a low paid hobby job!)