To book holiday without friend

[TarzanGirl]

Have a bit of a dilemma here and don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or not…

Group of 4 friends. 3 of us are what you would call ‘high earners’ whilst our 4th friend works a more ‘hobby’ job for want of a better term and only earns about £45/50k a year.

Last year, we’d all agreed on a city break destination but the proposed hotel was vetoed by our friend due to being too costly, so we went to an alternative (which wasn’t great) at her request.

We are looking at going away again later this year. Early discussions between two of us (not the 4th friend). We really want to stay somewhere more luxurious but know our friend won’t be able to afford it.

Out of the options below, what do you think is most appropriate? We give our friend the option of joining, knowing full well she can’t stay there and when she suggests an alternative, say no. Or book without her knowledge and hope she doesn’t find out about it? We don’t really post on social media so that’s not an issue.

You sound like a snob and your friend on ”only” 45k/50k would be better off without you looking down on her.
If you really wanted her there, a compromise could definitely be reached but you’re choosing a hotel over your friendship and that speaks volumes.

It's not that she likes these things, it's that she appears to value them above her friendship.

Noones calling her a snob for liking luxury. People are calling her a snob for referring to a £50k a year salary as a hobby job and severely limited earning. Along with the idea that someone with said salary, wouldn’t be able to afford to enjoy the things she does and rather than ask them, she wants to plan a holiday with people she deems wealthy enough without consulting the poor friend

I understand that the hotel she chose was a poor experience that reflected the poor reviews it had. Is there any possibility that there are hotels that fit your expectations and her budget, including via discount /offer sites, soft openings, etc.?

Any which way, you have to tell her. There is no way you could keep such a thing secret.

You really don't sound like a very nice or kind person. The language you use is so derogatory. I think it would be really unkind to leave her out, you obviously don't care much about her as a person or friend if you do. There must be some compromise between slumming it and the level of luxury that is £3000 for 4 nights! You obviously get to go on lots of nice holidays so it's not like you are sacrificing a lot for a once in a life time trip.

I've been on holidays with non beige food that have cost me 300 quid a week. And surely if someone earns 100k plus a year and is confronted with beige food they could

1. Complain to the hotel

2 Eat elsewhere even if its only for a couple of times

Agree.

The actual question is how to deal with a situation where different people are comfortable with different levels of expenditure. They could be talking about 3 friends who want to go to Pret and one friend who wants to go to Burger King.

The simple solution is that you give your friend the opportunity to go to Pret if she wants to, but nobody is offended if she makes a different choice. If you still want to remain friends you will also continue to make the effort to participate in social events that you can share. If the friendship isn't important, you won't.

The OP has been accused of being a snob because of her odd attitude to her friend's salary and earning potential.

Why shouldn’t they have a holiday the majority of the friend group want? One person not being able to afford/wanting to spend that amount of money should not have to restrict the rest of them every time.

They’ve already gone on a holiday they wouldn’t have chosen for themselves, and didn’t enjoy, for her benefit, so it’s hardly like they haven’t compromised and been good friends to her.

Why should she have to compromise or go on a holiday which would entail having to complain about the lack of options? We all get a finite amount of holiday time, no point spending it in places we don't want to be or like.

They are considering booking the holiday without even telling her about it. That's not how you treat a friend.

This entirely
You sound snobby and patronising.
Your suggestion represents deceit
Please reflect

And in the course of this thread OP realized this was a bad idea. A bad idea, but not one with malicious intent behind it.

I would expect any decent human being to know not to treat their friends like shit without being told by Mumsnet.

In wanting to avoid upsetting her friend she briefly thought a bad idea might be a good one until she talked it out and thought it through. Such is the experience of many a human being, including decent ones.

What is the point in moaning about beige food when you could actually raise it with the hotel you are staying with. The beige food complain was from a previous holiday

The actual question is how to deal with a situation where different people are comfortable with different levels of expenditure.

I think it’s more what makes a holiday for different people. The friend can only do her hobby job because her DH earns well. So I expect she could afford it if it were important enough to her.

Clearly the Op wants a luxury experience. Ops friend might prioritise location, or nightlife or weather rather than the cost itself perhaps ie both the W and the Arts hotels in Barcelona are expensive but I would rather stay at a cheaper hotel that’s walkable to bars and restaurants. So I guess it might not be worth it to the friend to spend £££ if her idea of a holiday is something else.
The issue is that Op and others have decided on a holiday and left friend out of the process.