To book holiday without friend

[TarzanGirl]

Have a bit of a dilemma here and don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or not…

Group of 4 friends. 3 of us are what you would call ‘high earners’ whilst our 4th friend works a more ‘hobby’ job for want of a better term and only earns about £45/50k a year.

Last year, we’d all agreed on a city break destination but the proposed hotel was vetoed by our friend due to being too costly, so we went to an alternative (which wasn’t great) at her request.

We are looking at going away again later this year. Early discussions between two of us (not the 4th friend). We really want to stay somewhere more luxurious but know our friend won’t be able to afford it.

Out of the options below, what do you think is most appropriate? We give our friend the option of joining, knowing full well she can’t stay there and when she suggests an alternative, say no. Or book without her knowledge and hope she doesn’t find out about it? We don’t really post on social media so that’s not an issue.

Christ- I consider myself to have a successful career but earn in the same band as your « friend ». I’d encourage her to make better friends-you sound vile.

They may keep separate finances 🤷🏻‍♀️

Even if they do. This holiday must be hugely expensive if someone on 50k a year can't afford to go

It’s not outrageously expensive at all. No more than £3,000 each for flights and hotel. Which for a luxury holiday is brilliant value.

Oh dear, do you just have hobby jobs too then? Perhaps if you worked a bit harder and didn’t sacrifice having a decent salary, you could have a really nice holiday

How long is this for? I’ve just paid just over that for a family holiday to the south of France for 5 people to a nice hotel with pool!

No way would I spend that on a long weekend for 1 person (and yes I can afford it should I wish to).

That’s for 4 nights. Each to their own of course x

Op you aren’t getting it at all are you.

You are talking about a lot of money for many people. Your friend (hopefully she’ll dump you soon) can’t afford what you deem reasonable. It’s fine for you to spend what you like and it’s fine for her not to be able to afford it. Even if you think it’s not excessive.

The problem is you are coming across as an absolutely insufferable snob. I cannot think this isn’t made up because even the most snobbish people I know don’t carry on like this.

Are you sure she cant afford it? Maybe she just didn't want to waste money on an expensive hotel when all you will be doing is sleeping there. Different people have different priorities when it comes to money/holidays. €3000 for one person to go on holiday would seem a waste to alot of people I know even though they could well afford it.

Saying that if 3 out of 4 want the expensive hotel than just tell her that's where you have picked and she can come if she wants. You dont have to compromise every year.

Side note: The fact you think 45k/50k is a low income is insane to me. That's more than most make. You sound so out of touch with reality.

3 grand for four nights - not outrageously expensive? Id call that obscene tbh

It’s relative. For the majority of people, sure, but not for OP and the rest of her friendship group. They all want to go and can easily afford it. The circumstances of one friend should not dictate what the rest of the group does every single time.

Well they can leave her out and tell her later as was first suggested

It’s certainly made me very glad for the circle of friends I have, that’s for sure.

Or they can invite her, and leave it up to her to decline if she can’t afford it/doesn’t want to spend that amount of money. As was also suggested.

It's really not.

Oh dear. Why did you choose a job with such limited earning potential?

I think it is

Ok. That's fine. But what you think isn't what it objectively is it

Well there you go - it’s relative.

OP may be out of touch with your reality, but then you’re out of touch with OP’s. Hers may not be one widely shared, but it doesn’t need to be in order to constitute reality.

I'm out of touch with her reality because I don't earn 100k plus a year - that doesn't mean a four night break for 3k isn't expensive.

This post can't be for real.....

• A friend 'only' earns 50k... disrespectful & elitist.
• A successful career is not only based on earnings.
• An end of year 'blow off' ...... 4 night break costing £3,000!

Show your 'friend' your posts & I'm sure she will make up her own mind about whether she wants to see you again let alone pay 3 grand to join you on a 4 night break.

A

It’s down to priorities really. I can stay in swishy expensive places but a lot of my friends can’t. I prefer their company and value their friendships more than I want luxury. You obviously don’t value your friend, which is sad for her.

I haven't got past the OPs first few updates, but this has to be one of the most entitled threads on here.

OMG OP, your friend needs nicer friends.

I have a lovely friend who likes to do things that I can't really afford. We have a compromise, she generally pays for the accommodation and any tickets etc, and I pay for our meals and alcohol bill. She is happy she has company she likes and I am happy to be contributing in a way I can afford

It's not hard to sort it out between you in a non-judgy way.

Not a hobby job but it’s not like we do actually do anything important.

We only work 9-3, have 13 weeks holiday a year and all we do is finger painting and let the children play in the sand / water.

And we’re quite happy to spend our own wages on resources and give up weekend and evening time for free for the love of the job. 🤪