To book holiday without friend

[TarzanGirl]

Have a bit of a dilemma here and don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or not…

Group of 4 friends. 3 of us are what you would call ‘high earners’ whilst our 4th friend works a more ‘hobby’ job for want of a better term and only earns about £45/50k a year.

Last year, we’d all agreed on a city break destination but the proposed hotel was vetoed by our friend due to being too costly, so we went to an alternative (which wasn’t great) at her request.

We are looking at going away again later this year. Early discussions between two of us (not the 4th friend). We really want to stay somewhere more luxurious but know our friend won’t be able to afford it.

Out of the options below, what do you think is most appropriate? We give our friend the option of joining, knowing full well she can’t stay there and when she suggests an alternative, say no. Or book without her knowledge and hope she doesn’t find out about it? We don’t really post on social media so that’s not an issue.

4th friend works a more ‘hobby’ job for want of a better term and only earns about £45/50k a year.

🤣🤣🤣

I wish I was as thick as you.

New thread, ‘I have three unbelievably snobby friends who treat what I do for a living as a hobby and generally talk down to me, they keep asking me to go on holiday with them to really tacky, expensive hotels, and I’ve been telling them I can’t afford it in order to avoid going, but should I just be honest with them and tell them the friendship has run its course?’

Always be transparent. Maybe suggests she check into a cheaper hotel in the city and she can then join you all on the daytime stuff.

YABU for saying 'only' earns 45-50k and describing a job that pays that well as a hobby.

Seems like OP has done a runner. Shame, I was looking forward to seeing just how much deeper she could dig this hole for herself.

Perhaps she's too busy being 'successful'?

This. Calling someone's job "a hobby" is pretty disgusting.

Nah, this is a wind up.
“ Hobby job” 🤣 Are you sure it’s not just “fun money” ?

How to come across like a cunt in your OP. 😂

Your poor friend earning her tiny wee salary at her hobby job. Just tell her she's not of your class so you're going on a holiday she can't afford without her.

Such a bizarre post. You can go on any holiday you choose but your snobbery is shining through here and you clearly do look down on her job from your posts ‘hobby job’ and a lack of being able to progress.
Newsflash, 40/50k is a good salary and being passionate and hard working are just as important as being a high earner.
You can go on your holiday without her but realistically you could find accommodation to suit all. Your choosing something very luxurious over a friendship and going away without her will probably set a precedent of that in the future.
Btw I would always choose having my friends with me rather than the accommodation.

Waits for OP to decide everyone must be jealous. 😑

but has severely limiting earning potential

The more you speak, the worse it gets. 50k is 'severely limited' earning potential.

🙄

That’s a shame, I could do with a bit of pin money 🤣

I thought only men had hobbies that were outing.

Your friend might also have some savings that she would want to use for the luxury trip or she might be able to save up for it. You just don't know. She also might say no thanks but to not give her the option to be in or out is wrong and not very friendly of you. I went years and years of my 20's having to say no to things friends were doing because I'd been made redundant and was in a ridiculously low paying admin job (that I took because there was nothing else) but I was always invited and given the option to attend or not. I'd have been hurt to not have been asked even if I said no!

I'm just amazed you have three friends who want to go on holiday with you.

Honestly OP, you are not coming across well here. DH and I earn significantly more than a lot of our friends and if we know an event/meal/break is likely to be out of their budget we will always cover the cost or at least, the bulk of the cost and consider it a privilege to be able to afford to do so rather than a punishment for earning well 🙄

What sort of cost are we talking OP?

Essential info for those who (like me) are living vicariously through this thread, and don't really know what a concierge would even do.

I appreciate you can't say where as it would be too outing.

Agreed
I think lots of people must sign up to the site and then suspend rational thought.

I don't see why there's so much outrage about this. The OP has said that the friend in question's husband is a high earner, which enables her to work in a niche area that she's passionate about. Because she's chosen this path (and been fortunate enough to do so) she doesn't earn as much as the rest of the group. Surely she's therefore winning at life. She's doing what she loves, with the full support of her husband. It's not as if she's some poor downtrodden single parent. If her passion precludes her from affording luxury hotels, that's her choice. I don't see why the others should subsidise her or stay somewhere they don't want to.

Wow op you sound like an absolute snobby bitch and a terrible friend.

If you care about your friendship maybe work on being less of a terrible snob?

I'm imagining some sort of SatC type clique where they're all as awfully vacuous and tone deaf as each other. You can just picture their conversations...

"No, no, no, I'm telling you for the thousandth time, I'm not stopping in a hotel that doesn't have a concierge service!"
"Me neither. Why should I be penalised because Jenna's basically on the minimum wage?!"
"I mean 50K?! How does she even manage to feed herself?"

You sound insufferable. But on the plus side I think it’s a win win outcome for your friend.

I think what's annoying people is that the 'hobby job' the OP is so dismissive about still pays her considerably more than many. It's not like she's earning £1000 a year from selling ceramic mermaids on the internet.

I'm certainly not suggesting the OP subsidises her friend. I do think that the suggestion that the rest of them go away surreptitiously and not tell her suggests that the 'friendship' in question is not anything particularly close or valuable.

Is friend 3 likely to come? I would pitch it as follows.

Hi Sarah and Janice - me and Silvia have been talking and have decided to go to the moon. Would you like to join us? It's going to be 3.7 million so I know that's a big ask and totally understand if that is beyond what you want to pay. But we wanted to ask you as it would be lovely if you could come.

🙄 at hobby job!
out of interest OP what do you and the rest of the group earn in your high flying careers?
£45-50k is way above what I earn, I think I’ll quit my job and find myself one of these hobby jobs

Is Neil Armstrong available to run the concierge service up there?