Page 11 | Why do people assume that those who potty train late are ‘lazy’ parents?

ScrambledEggs12 · 07/08/2025 19:21

gobshite23 · 06/08/2025 20:27

Absolutely it must be done before school, in the absence of any additional issues. And I would never judge anyone for when and how they choose to potty train. As pp says, it’s down to the individual child.

But the ‘lazy’ argument isn’t always correct or helpful. People were really mean to me on here basically accusing me of being a shit parent because id let my dc get to 3 without being trained.

I agree with you completely. Mine had both just turned 3. After the first couple of days they were done and they never had an accidents after that. Admittedly my eldest I did put in pull ups when out and about (due to having a baby and being worried about getting to the toilet in time). I also put both in pull ups for long car journeys. Neither of them ever went in the pull ups.

Maybe I am lazy, but I couldn't be arsed with all of this running round the garden half naked stuff.....

Eviebeans · 07/08/2025 19:25

Bluebluetuesday · 06/08/2025 20:37

I did both of mine when they were ready, took 2 days. They were around their third birthdays.
I was absolutely bemused by friends chasing their toddlers around with potties for months on end, spending hours scrubbing rugs and carpets after daily accidents, just to meet some self imposed milestone "early".

People who do this are not potty training the child but training themselves to catch wee. It’s completely pointless although can be entertaining to watch

SugarMarshmallow · 07/08/2025 19:39

I’d say if a parent can’t be bothered to teach their child to use the toilet and just expects teachers to do it in school then they are lazy.

If you know your child best and know they aren’t ready at 1 or 2 years old so wait until they are 3 then you are smart and know your child more than anyone.

My son is coming up to 2.5 and we are encouraging him but he isn’t quite there yet, I have been told by HV that it is common for boys to be 3 and onwards before they take an interest

suburburban · 07/08/2025 20:16

SugarMarshmallow · 07/08/2025 19:39

I’d say if a parent can’t be bothered to teach their child to use the toilet and just expects teachers to do it in school then they are lazy.

If you know your child best and know they aren’t ready at 1 or 2 years old so wait until they are 3 then you are smart and know your child more than anyone.

My son is coming up to 2.5 and we are encouraging him but he isn’t quite there yet, I have been told by HV that it is common for boys to be 3 and onwards before they take an interest

Yes it’s not fair on teaching staff or TAs unless there are SN

Longestgiraffe · 07/08/2025 20:21

MyDogHumpsThings · 07/08/2025 19:16

Babies used to be toiled trained much, much earlier. They are generally capable.

eric.org.uk/why-are-children-potty-training-later/

Babies used to be on solid foods much, much earlier too - guidance was from a few weeks even. But we don't do that currently, times move on.

What was your point?

nadine90 · 07/08/2025 20:27

I don’t think waiting until 3 is lazy. I started with my eldest at 2 and it took a year. We had an amazing childminder when it was my youngest’s turn and tried to start at 2, she quickly said “he’s not ready, wait until he shows you he’s ready”. And he sure did. I put no pressure on him to learn, just made the potty available and showed him how to use it, read the odd book etc. He woke me up on his 3rd birthday saying “I’m a big boy now, I don’t need a nappy”, and literally never wore one again, next to no accidents. It was so much easier and less stressful for him to just wait.

Penjin · 07/08/2025 20:30

gobshite23 · 06/08/2025 20:22

But where is the benefit in doing it early? It can be distressing for the child and takes longer.

What even constitutes as ‘late’?

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Actually not true - ERIC say the earlier the better now - for most children- unless a medical need which is a small minority. Lots of great advice here https://eric.org.uk/potty-training/

Baby reading a book whilst sitting on a potty

Potty training: how to start & best age to potty train - ERIC

We've broken down potty training into 3 easy steps: preparation, practice and perfecting those skills! Use our step by step guide to help your toddler become toilet trained.

https://eric.org.uk/potty-training/

Notellinganyone · 07/08/2025 20:52

TheAmusedQuail · 06/08/2025 23:07

Because late potty training is a fad. 40 years ago it wasn't unusual to start working on it at 1 1/2. Now there are plenty of 3 1/2 year olds still wearing nappies.

It's all linked to the gentle parenting thing. Not that I'm saying late potty training parents are all gentle parents. But it's very much the childs agenda, rather than a societal agenda.

Most children would eat sweets rather than food, but we don't let them. A lot of children would wear nappies until they were 4 or 5 if we let them. It has to be a balance. And at times is IS lazy / weak to leave potty training because it's hard. It's hard keeping them off screens. It's hard enforcing a healthy diet. It's hard teaching them to read. Ride a bike. Swim. But we do it.

The things in your list aren’t equivalent. It makes no difference whether a child is dry at two or three to their development. All the other things can have long term consequences. I was laissez faire with pottery training because I didn’t see it as a big deal but I taught all
mi e to read before school. It’s not about effort and attention- it’s about priorities. At the age of 8 you won’t know when a child was potty trained but you can tell if children were talked to and read to.

jannier · 07/08/2025 21:04

MyDogHumpsThings · 07/08/2025 19:16

Babies used to be toiled trained much, much earlier. They are generally capable.

eric.org.uk/why-are-children-potty-training-later/

Yep 100 years ago mums tended to be at home, washday Monday took all day, kids were left to get on with it while housework took the day, two year olds were in prams and outdoors for sleeps two hours a day all weathers, toys were few, school if you went started at an older age and ended earlier.....life was different. My aunt an nneb nanny in the 60s fed babies sat on the potty and then it was straight to bed no cuddling or going to them if they were naughty enough to cry. Kids who didn't get the potty were often humiliated as well ....a lot of those kids took laxatives as adults as a daily dose of syrup of figs, caster oil and later Epsom salts was normal to keep things flowing. Not all things were great in the good old days.

jannier · 07/08/2025 21:16

suburburban · 07/08/2025 20:16

Yes it’s not fair on teaching staff or TAs unless there are SN

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Kids go into school at 4 so your point is?

jannier · 07/08/2025 21:23

Penjin · 07/08/2025 20:30

Actually not true - ERIC say the earlier the better now - for most children- unless a medical need which is a small minority. Lots of great advice here https://eric.org.uk/potty-training/

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It says ideally 18 to 30 months.
It says it's a long process to prepare for not whip the nappy off at 9 months....look at the skills needed before that stage which starts early...

suburburban · 07/08/2025 22:23

jannier · 07/08/2025 21:16

Kids go into school at 4 so your point is?

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Hopefully toilet trained and aren’t they going the term before they are 5?

Bobloblawww · 07/08/2025 22:29

Olinguita · 06/08/2025 21:01

@NavyRose here here!
It took me well over a year to potty train my ds but he had cracked it by 3.5 and was also dry overnight. It didn't help that he had some awful digestives issues that were making it hard for him to poo and he developed what seemed to be anxiety about doing a number 2 anywhere other than his nappy. I think I had 3 in person GP appointments and 3 phone consultations before I went private and we actually got some answers regarding the chronic constipation he had been experiencing. Absolute nightmare and set our potty training efforts back by a good few months.
None of the 3 day/oh crap stuff worked on my kid by the way. It just. Did. Not. Work.
But yeah, apparently I'm lazy.
Look, if that makes you mums whose kids potty trained at a "correct" age feel better about yourselves by comparison to a slovenly mum like me then go for it, bask in it, have a medal 🥇 you win.

In all honestly this is what the OP is talking about. You probably could have waited to start training at 3.5 and saved yourself the headache.

RubySquid · 07/08/2025 22:40

SouthLondonMum22 · 07/08/2025 18:07

My son was 18 months and soon picked up the words ''wee'' and ''poo'' too.

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Whereas all mine had no more than 6 words at 2 years 8 months. None of which were wee or poo

RubySquid · 07/08/2025 22:46

legoplaybook · 07/08/2025 17:40

Children can communicate before they can speak. You knew if they were hungry or tired before they could speak too.

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And that helps in childcare when the staff don't know? eExactly how?

Hungry I knew as the either cried and rooted as babies or hovered around kitchen as toddlers.

Tired Well they got mizzhoggy and rubbed eyes. Needing a wee? Nope

Tangerinenets · 07/08/2025 22:52

gobshite23 · 06/08/2025 20:10

I’m not talking about those who genuinely can’t be bothered and send their kids to school in nappies so the teachers can do it. That’s obviously wrong.

But both of my kids were over 3 when they were trained. Had a few attempts before that but with both kids its was clear they weren’t ready and got upset so I left it.

I posted here for advice and was told I was lazy and cruel for leaving it so late. For context my dd was three in May so not especially late imo. But she did get it within a couple of days and 2 weeks on we have had no accidents at all.

To me it actually makes more sense to wait until they are a bit older and understand what they need to do and why. It made it a lot easier for all of us.

Mine younger two were both over 3 too. I just waited until they asked and it was done and dusted in a day. I “trained” my severely autistic son before age 3 and it was quite intense due to his not having any understanding or language but I knew it was important to get started as it could take a while. Nothing to do with being lazy at all I just knew it would be more successful if they were fully ready.

SouthLondonMum22 · 07/08/2025 23:01

RubySquid · 07/08/2025 22:40

Whereas all mine had no more than 6 words at 2 years 8 months. None of which were wee or poo

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I can understand waiting longer if the child has a speech delay or it is suspected a child has a speech delay.

jannier · 07/08/2025 23:36

suburburban · 07/08/2025 22:23

Hopefully toilet trained and aren’t they going the term before they are 5?

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So as I said 4 nothing to do with training at 36 months..... unfortunately many in my area go into reception in nappies which is the problem

PurBal · 08/08/2025 06:19

As per Eric guidelines you don’t need to wait for signs of readiness and children can start potty training at 18 months. Also it’s bad for bladder and bowel health to leave beyond 30 months (2.5 years).

https://eric.org.uk/potty-training/

The “west” potty training late because of disposable nappies. Our grandparents and great grandparents weren’t this late.

ETA I had a really hard time with my eldest, he’s only just reliably dry after 1.5 years (he’s just turned 4) which is why I haven’t started with my youngest (2y2m). I know I’ve left it late for him, I just didn’t want to have to deal with 2 sets of clothes. I own that.

Potty training: how to start & best age to potty train - ERIC

We've broken down potty training into 3 easy steps: preparation, practice and perfecting those skills! Use our step by step guide to help your toddler become toilet trained.

https://eric.org.uk/potty-training/

legoplaybook · 08/08/2025 08:41

RubySquid · 07/08/2025 22:46

And that helps in childcare when the staff don't know? eExactly how?

Hungry I knew as the either cried and rooted as babies or hovered around kitchen as toddlers.

Tired Well they got mizzhoggy and rubbed eyes. Needing a wee? Nope

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It's of course more difficult with children with learning difficulties or SEN (I doubt anyone would consider it lazy for a child with disabilities to be trained late!) but the vast majority of children can use signs and symbols even if they have a speech delay.

user482904 · 08/08/2025 08:43

Bluebluetuesday · 06/08/2025 20:37

I did both of mine when they were ready, took 2 days. They were around their third birthdays.
I was absolutely bemused by friends chasing their toddlers around with potties for months on end, spending hours scrubbing rugs and carpets after daily accidents, just to meet some self imposed milestone "early".

Same here. 🫢

RubySquid · 08/08/2025 08:44

legoplaybook · 08/08/2025 08:41

It's of course more difficult with children with learning difficulties or SEN (I doubt anyone would consider it lazy for a child with disabilities to be trained late!) but the vast majority of children can use signs and symbols even if they have a speech delay.

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And if they don't Talking about toilet needs here. ? Or do you know my children better than I did?

And none of them have learning difficulties btw. Late speech runs in our family. By the age of 4 they all could speak well and read.

legoplaybook · 08/08/2025 08:51

RubySquid · 08/08/2025 08:44

And if they don't Talking about toilet needs here. ? Or do you know my children better than I did?

And none of them have learning difficulties btw. Late speech runs in our family. By the age of 4 they all could speak well and read.

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You have to teach them, I don't really understand your point.

Flop2023 · 08/08/2025 09:01

I'd dearly love all these judgy mcjudgy pants on this thread to come and potty train my severely autistic but verbal and bright nearly 5 year old boy. Obviously the reason I've been desperately trying for the last two years, have ERIC on speed dial, and am now tearing my hair out as mainstream reception approaches is because I am 'lazy' and 'can't be bothered'.

@legoplaybook oh my goodness you are such a genius, despite knowing about my kids autism for half his life I've definitely never thought to use a visual for toileting, despite the rest of our house being covered in visuals, I'll go and sort that out right now and I'm sure the issue will be fixed within a few moments, however did I manage without you??? I'm sure a picture of a toilet will cure my sweet child's deep and abiding fear and sensory aversions to pooing on the loo. If you could sort out his trauma response to handdryers that would be helpful too.

weneedthetruth · 08/08/2025 09:05

I waited until my girls were ready. 2.5 and 3. 48 hours. No accidents. This was nearly 30 years ago. I advised the same for my grandchildren. My friend will still tell you her daughter was potty trained at 18 months but she wasn't dry until 3 years and it was stressful for both. I'm not a fan of potties either, they are very uncomfortable and tip over easily. Straight on the toilet with one of those inserts. I actually have a toilet seat that has child seat incorporated.