Why do people assume that those who potty train late are ‘lazy’ parents?

[gobshite23]

I’m not talking about those who genuinely can’t be bothered and send their kids to school in nappies so the teachers can do it. That’s obviously wrong.

But both of my kids were over 3 when they were trained. Had a few attempts before that but with both kids its was clear they weren’t ready and got upset so I left it.

I posted here for advice and was told I was lazy and cruel for leaving it so late. For context my dd was three in May so not especially late imo. But she did get it within a couple of days and 2 weeks on we have had no accidents at all.

To me it actually makes more sense to wait until they are a bit older and understand what they need to do and why. It made it a lot easier for all of us.

Oh bore off. Lack of effort? Life is hard enough, it's not a competition 😂 working full time and running a home, kids in multiple activities is BUSY. Children need consistency and if you aren't the one doing all the 121 work, it's hard. Timing it right is important, not getting in early.

That’s your opinion and you’re completely entitled to it. But others find babies sitting in pooy nappies any longer than needed really disgusting. I think that’s why it’s an emotive topic. For me, potty training by age 2 was important because I feel there’s a clear benefit to their skin and wellbeing of coming out of nappies as soon as possible. I also hated changing pooy nappies myself, it’s a horrid chore that I wanted to be rid of as soon as possible. You say it isn’t gross and disgusting but that’s your opinion, others have different opinions and that’s also fine.

There’s no right or wrong! I followed the cues from from my dd, and it was at 2yrs 10
months. She would not have been ready earlier and it was a dream, hardly any accidents, ignored the potty and straight on the loo with a little step and a toddler toilet seat. 6 months earlier there would have been accidents galore. After a few weeks of being dry in the day, we went for it and she was nappy free at night, and the kids from nursery group of around the same age, who were so ‘advanced’ and tried toilet training at a lot younger age were still wearing nappies at night and their mums were surprised she wasn’t’.

As an au pair I potty trained the 2.5 yo because her nappies were disgusting. Took about a week. Her parents were too lazy to bother with taking her to pee every couple of hours so put a nappy on her if I wasn’t there. She responded by taking her nappy off to use the potty.

I disagree

stay home and really nail it which is, in my experience, what they need at least for a few days.
when they are ready, there is no need to wait at home for a few days, that's the point.

Potty training too early might make some parents feel superior, but what's the actual point?

not sure wiping the bum of a 2 year old is much nicer than changing a nappy frankly.

Ask any nursery staff, potty trained or not (or allegedly potty-trained but with accidents day and night..), 2 year old children do not wipe their own bottom.

How can you potty train too early? If they aren't ready then it wouldn't be possible to train them.

We did bare bum at home for the first few days, that's all that was needed. I don't see how he wasn't ready just because of that when he was fully potty trained by the end of the week.

You’re entitled to your opinion obviously but other opinions exist. In my opinion, wiping a bum of a child sat on the toilet is WAY better than wiping off smeared poo that’s squished in by a nappy!

Why do you think potty training earlier than others makes parents feel superior? It’s not competitive, it’s about private personal hygiene and care. For parents who choose to potty train early, there are lots of reasons. Just because you can’t see the point, doesn’t mean others also feel that way and that’s fine.

surely it's obvious?

If the child is ready, he's potty trained within a day or 2 at most, and never has accident. They're not robots, there's no set age.

if it takes forever and the child has countless accidents, even weeks later, day or night, then he wasn't ready.

Either they're potty trained or they're not.

My 2 are older, 21&19 and back then it was more normal to have them toilet trained when they were 2.
i took a week off work for the sole purpose of doing it. We didn’t use a potty either and both were dry in 3 days.
I wouldn’t say waiting till they are 3 is lazy parenting at all, it does take effort but that’s the same if they are 2 or 3

HNRTFT but I waited until nearly 3 and all trained within 48hours. Maybe I was being lazy but couldn’t be arsed with futile potty chasing!
All fully continent adults now 😉

Don’t be ridiculous. 3 is a perfectly normal age to potty train and ime children have to be “ready” for most milestones. And if you catch them when “ready” it’s easy for them. If you go too early or too late, you will both struggle. That’s not lazy. That’s just common sense. With potty training, children have to be able to not just realise they have “gone” they have to understand what that feeling is when they are about to go and know that this means they need the potty/toilet and then have the understanding to act on that in time to get there, remove clothes and sit. So you are completely incorrect in saying that children must just basically be walking and able to remove clothes.

DS was definitely ready at 18 months but it did take more than 2 days and I'm glad I didn't give up at that point because by the end of the week he was potty trained.

Surely if they aren't robots and there's no set age, they aren't automatically not ready if they aren't potty trained within a day or 2?

Younger doesn't means longer. 2 of mine were dry before 2 almost instantly. With no accidents after day 2.

Why do you think potty training earlier than others makes parents feel superior?

This thread. Just an example...

We did the same but 40+ years ago. Helped that we had a garden and the week was warm and sunny! As I said upthread, we were all pleased to get rid of the towelling nappies and hard plastic pants - disposable nappies are too comfy and convenient to encourage toilet training.

I tried to potty train my son several times between the age of just 2 and 3, and it was just a disaster every time.

In the end we had to force the issue just after he turned 3 because we live in France and he was only 2 months off starting school by that point. It was stressful though.

That stupid "Oh Crap" book was completely unhelpful and just made me stress more than ever.

I'm the opposite of lazy where my kids are concerned.

Mine are now in their 40s. In the dark ages it was usually around the age of two that people started potty-training, if I remember rightly. DS1 was a summer baby so that was easy as could leave him bare-bummed at times; DS2 was winter so he wasn't dry until around two and a half.

The GC are teens and they were trained around the same ages. It works for some but not for everyone.

I work FT and took time off work several times with no results each time we tried to potty train my son. People only have a limited number of days of annual leave, you know.

Oh it’s just daft isn’t it.

All of my three sons were potty trained around the age of three…eldest a month younger, middle and youngest a month after. I’d tried a couple of time before between two and a half and three and they just weren’t getting it within a couple of days so we stopped.

At three…almost instant. I saw lots of other parents say their child was potty trained early, when in reality they were still asking them constantly if they needed the loo and dealing with accidents.

Memory is very subjective around this and also people love a chance to feel superior.

But the presence of other young children in the household, both parents having to work..all of that can affect when you choose to train.

I know I always had to wait until I had a good block of leave and a time when I knew I didn’t have to leave the house a lot…not as easy as it sounds when you have nursery and school drop offs etc.

In short, who cares if other people think you’re lazy.

You’re the adult in your house, you know your child and circumstances best.

No-one is going to ask them at a job interview if they were two or three when they achieved bladder control!

We tried with my daughter just before 3. We had a week of weeing on the floor, never in the potty and I just put her nappy back on and we tried again just after her third birthday. That time stuck. But I'll always remember in between those two attempts I took her out somewhere and needed to change her nappy in the car. Someone walked past and said in a singsong voice "that looks awkward, probably getting a bit too big for nappies" and just carried on walking. I was so stunned that someone would say that to a complete stranger and in a singsong voice, that I didn't say anything but I still wish that I'd told her to mind her own business to this day (it was 5 years ago!)

I imagine most people have potty trained between 18 months and 2. We then hear about the potty training problems on MN. That makes it seem like lots of people are struggling with it or are lazy.

We also potty trained just before 3. Nailed it almost instantly. We also never used a potty, we went straight for training seat on the toilet and after a week or two they also refused to use a training seat and confidently used the adult toilet.

Very few accidents - we just kept reminding them to try the toilet.

They were dry at night within a month as well. We’ve had a far less stressful experience than others at nursery who started 18m-2yo. We don’t have to cart around a travel potty on days out because they use the adult loo.

Yanbu. I left it to just over 3 for both of mine as I needed to wait for time off in-between Xmas and new year. They'd had a toilet trainer seat, potty and pull ups for well over 6 months so they could practice with encouragement when they wanted to.

It was incredibly easy moving over to proper pants as we were at home with no rushing around. All done when they went back to nursery in January with just one accident each. No bags of wet clothes or accidents when we went shopping.