Would you charge your parents rent in these circumstances?

[TheSummerof25]

Long story short for the past 8 years my parents have stored (both inside and out) a number of large items/vehicles at our house. One in particular (a huge caravan) blocks our view and I WFH, without it, i have a lovely open aspect and can watch my chickens and the wildlife on my front from my office window. With it, all I can see is the bloody caravan. They know we don’t like it, we’ve reluctantly tolerated it because they’re our parents.

They do help with childcare, but tbh it’s got to the point where they moan so much and have other priorities we don’t bother asking, for example over the summer I’ve just sent them to clubs where they should have been with parents because their apathy was so apparent - it was four days of the summer I’d asked for.

We look after their pets when they go away, we pay a sitter for ours as we know “how busy” my retired parents are. Whereas we just slot it in.

When I bought a house early in my career, I with much lower pay, they lent me £35k for the deposit. I paid it back within 4 years (moved in with now DH and sold my house) but they charged me “rent” proportionally to the value of the house before it sold. DH always thought this was mean. Both parents retired at 55 and have had several inheritances which have mostly funded the stuff dumped at our house - my point they’re comfortable and have reliable income streams.

Now we’re moving, into a house with an income stream to support retirement plans and they have assumed they can continue to store all their junk, but not only that, want an upgrade of dry storage for all items. Storage is used by the business and so there is a loss associated with letting them have that for free. I said they could get planning and build their own barn, but they don’t want the expense. DH has looked and storage for all their items is easily in the region of £350 per month if not more. He said they can store it but they have to pay - like they charged me rent. This move is a huge investment from us and is with a long term view.

I’m reluctant to charge them, but equally don’t think waterproof items which are now stored outside should be prioritised for items we actually need to store for the business. It will create a gap for us. Parents think we could just make it work. Although haven’t enquired how.

YABU - you can’t charge your parents storage
YANBU - they’ve had 8 years free and can put their hands in their pocket.

Your poor husband has renovated your home and then your DP’s have just filled your shed, garage and garden. They expect you to help them out but it’s one sided, they don’t want to help you and as for charging you rent on the loan of 35K, they would of got less interest keeping it in the bank. Your parents are cheeky fuckers, you need to take off your rose tinted glasses and prioritise your DH feelings over them.

No, I wouldn’t charge rent, because I would not be storing it at any new place. Time’s up for them. Either they sell it or they store it themselves. Including the caravan.

As I suspected OP, you've confirmed they 'rarely' use this stuff, so there is no point them keeping it, or I should say there is no point YOU keeping it. How often do they actually use the caravan? If not at all, then tell them to get rid of it, it's an eyesore, and will just rot away if not used regularly. If they want to keep it, and are worried about it being stolen from their place, then they just need to buy a fold down parking post. If there would be access to it from all sides, then they should buy 4 posts, that way no one will be able to move it, without the necessary key or code. If you've been storing this stuff for 8 years, and it started when they retired, they're probably about my age, and I am looking seriously at getting rid of all my excess stuff, because I don't want to leave masses of things, that will mean nothing to my family, for them to have to get rid of when I die. They may be fit and well, but if they don't use this stuff, just tell them to get rid of it, as you don't want the hassle of having to dispose of it when they're gone.

You said that they moved it all back to theirs when you had the house on the market, so simply say, 'you've stored it all safely while we've been selling the house, so there's absolutely no reason for you not to take care of it yourselves in the future, and as we'll be using all of OUR storage at the new place for business purposes, we simply won't have room.' If they try to argue, just say 'no, sorry, it's not going to happen', and mean it! Then if they turn up with anything at all, even something small, be sure to say 'I told you we're not storing your stuff here Mum/Dad, so you either take it back, or we'll be getting rid of it'. Make it clear that you're serious, and if you have to do it, then DO IT! Like with children, don't threaten something and not carry it out, as it shows weakness, and will always be taken advantage of.

I absolutely would ask for rent OP! Either that or tell them you can’t store their things anymore.

I had to move back in with my parents over 20 years ago, with my two young children, as I was leaving an abusive marriage. I had to hand over nearly every penny I got in benefits, as well as the monthly cheque XH sent. I had to do all the housework, all the cooking and everything else. I was there for three months, and when the quarterly bills came in I had to contribute extra to them too. I didn’t expect to live there for free, but my mother was greedy and selfish, I bought all food for me and DC too, then was always told off that I was filling her freezer too much. I was only allowed a quarter of one of the freezer drawers, so how that was too much I don’t know.

For the entire three months my mother treated me dreadfully, saying things like I deserved to be hit and that I must have provoked him. I could go on, but I understand OP, that not everyone has nice, loving parents x

Wow don't charge them, that is so cheap. Just tell them you can't store it anymore and why.

Did you miss the part where they provide childcare as well as lent OP a deposit for her house?

This.

You don't want the situation, and charging rent won't make it easier to deal with.

It also sounds like you don't need the money and that it's more some kind of principle.

I don't get the correlation between you not wanting this situation, and you charging them rent in return for enabling it.

Get the prices of several local caravan storage places and ask them to choose which one THEY are going to pay for, or if they don't choose, offer to put the caravan up for sale for them. Ditto for all their stuff. They pay to strore it or sell it.
This seems to happen a lot wih chldren dumping stuff but never heard it with parents before.

Nah, fuck 'em.

'You need to shift your stuff as it's not coming with us when we move, we don't have the space and don't want it. We're moving on X date. If it's not gone by then, as we have to leave the property with vacant posession, it'll go to the tip.'

Then switch off phones and wait for the earth shattering kaboom and the mushroom cloud to die down.

@YourJoyousDenimExpert oh we had a delivery of furniture too. That riled both me and DH as it cluttered the house - we stuffed it in their caravan, which annoyed my Mum as she said she didn’t want it cluttered. We did ask them to take some of it back and put it in outside storage - where it would damaged if left.

@allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld we have gates but they have access codes etc, to be fair to would feel very unreasonable not to share those with our family. Our property is quite unique for security as it’s set back.

Thanks everyone for your views. DH has been patient, initially it was a case of them doing a lot for us. Everytime I mention it my mum says “but what about all the free childcare” and gets the arse. That has really started to wear thin. Someone said above about our relationship being transactional and I suppose to some extent it is. My Mum is very tit for tat. She said my DH needs to think about what they do for him. Which at the time was 1 day DO at school and 1 day PU until 4.30 for the kids. They do do some adhoc sitting here and there which I do appreciate.

The items are junk to us, but not to them. The caravan was nearly £80k! I have tried not to be too detailed as to be outting.

Because DH wants to create some more storage but 1. That will cost and 2. If my parents don’t use it a paying customer will.

It also sounds like you don't need the money and that it's more some kind of principle.

We don’t need the money - but we’re not going to be making a fortune and it’s a big chunk of income to just waive. We ultimately want to reinvest and secure our future, plainly we can’t do that if we other free services. These aren’t little items either. (Although there’s some of those too!!)

Do they currently do pick up and drop off or has that stopped now?

@Scarydinosaurs yes they do. Although my Mum moans so much I’ve said to DH I’m going to just start an extra day of ASC. Sometimes she’ll say she’s had “too much on” to make them dinner. Which is sort of the whole point of their visit, collection from school, dinner, home!

Normally I would say that I couldn’t charge my parents rent but …

A) 8 years and with no plan in place for them to ever rehome the stuff?! No. It would be fine temporarily, but not indefinitely.

B) They started it by charging you rent. It would be reasonable, and most parents would have, given you specific conditions for repaying the loan such as a specific timeframe, and possibly even charging interest. But charging rent?! Hell no.

But tbh I’d prefer to have the items gone, than to charge rent.

Time to support your husband instead of letting your parents mooch off you.

Give them a month's to get everything collected and enjoy the freedom.

I would knock it on the head (the childcare) and say from the new place you can’t do storage anymore. Don’t charge them, don’t suggest building anything, just straight no.

The whole relationship needs stripping back of favours and “owing people”. They have been dreadfully presumptuous and encroached on your space. That isn’t fair and it’s caused resentment.

I’d take this as an opportunity to stop storing their items, it all sounds so messy. I’d just say you need the space for your business, sorry you’ll have to find storage elsewhere. Problem solved

Re the childcare my siblings have had a damn sight more than me and have never had to store anything in return! They have always been happy for us to pay for childcare rather than have the kids vs siblings who didn’t need to use any childminders or nursery.

I’ve spoken to DH with some of your comments - he agrees they are manipulative and says they take the p*ss. He also says I should have managed it much sooner. He thinks we should charge. It does irk me they say “we have plenty of money” whilst watching DH working as hard as he does - then my Mum says he isn’t around enough for the kids. DH works for his family.

The issue as I can see, is if we continue to provide storage, even at a cost, they will still keep coming with more stuff - which is what happens now. And it will just continue to grow. DH says I need to be firm and say you can store X for X (because it seems hypocritical to allow other people to pay for the space and not them) but we can’t accommodate more and you can’t just keep dumping stuff.

Ironically we think they probably don’t want their caravan at home because it would block their living room view. I did say to DH if we don’t move that has to go, we have a beautiful view that I love looking at out when WFH and we’ve made quite clear their van spoils it. It’s pretty selfish really that they’ve acknowledged all of this but not acted for the sake of £150/200 pcm.

I think if you're able to cope without their childcare (it sounds like you are) the move is a chance to break the cycle. "We've been storing your stuff, for free, for 8 years. It's time our property was working for us and our enjoyment. Your stuff needs to go by X date".

We can cope without the childcare - but tbh I find it quite upsetting that it’s seen as purely transactional. They’ve upset me this summer moaning about care they have provided to siblings without complaint, so I’ve started to use clubs etc to lessen the load. They were supposed to do one day a week - siblings have sometimes had 2-3 days over the holidays.

I feel a bit upset that they don’t want to spend their retirement enjoying their grandchildren and don’t see it as “spending time with them” but just work. I’m happy to pull back and appreciate not every grandparent feels that way. But has saddened me a bit.

Also - when we move the childcare will be less practical as we’re further away.

I'm astonished you've put up with this for so long! You're letting them get away with outrageous cheeky fuckery taking advantage of not just you, but your poor husband! Stand up to them for his sake if not yours.

It’s not fair to say you’ve never seen a penny when they actually lent you £35k to buy a house, gave you a privileged upbringing and paid for your education.
That aside, if you don’t want to have their belongings stored on your property then just tell them. Stop pussyfooting about and complaining!
“hey mum and day, we’re moving in 3 months, you need to move your stuff somewhere else as we won’t be able to store it free of charge for you anymore”

It really can be hard work looking after grandchildren though. I look after mine and it’s exhausting in the holidays! I absolutely love doing it but boy it takes it out of me.