Would you charge your parents rent in these circumstances?

[TheSummerof25]

Long story short for the past 8 years my parents have stored (both inside and out) a number of large items/vehicles at our house. One in particular (a huge caravan) blocks our view and I WFH, without it, i have a lovely open aspect and can watch my chickens and the wildlife on my front from my office window. With it, all I can see is the bloody caravan. They know we don’t like it, we’ve reluctantly tolerated it because they’re our parents.

They do help with childcare, but tbh it’s got to the point where they moan so much and have other priorities we don’t bother asking, for example over the summer I’ve just sent them to clubs where they should have been with parents because their apathy was so apparent - it was four days of the summer I’d asked for.

We look after their pets when they go away, we pay a sitter for ours as we know “how busy” my retired parents are. Whereas we just slot it in.

When I bought a house early in my career, I with much lower pay, they lent me £35k for the deposit. I paid it back within 4 years (moved in with now DH and sold my house) but they charged me “rent” proportionally to the value of the house before it sold. DH always thought this was mean. Both parents retired at 55 and have had several inheritances which have mostly funded the stuff dumped at our house - my point they’re comfortable and have reliable income streams.

Now we’re moving, into a house with an income stream to support retirement plans and they have assumed they can continue to store all their junk, but not only that, want an upgrade of dry storage for all items. Storage is used by the business and so there is a loss associated with letting them have that for free. I said they could get planning and build their own barn, but they don’t want the expense. DH has looked and storage for all their items is easily in the region of £350 per month if not more. He said they can store it but they have to pay - like they charged me rent. This move is a huge investment from us and is with a long term view.

I’m reluctant to charge them, but equally don’t think waterproof items which are now stored outside should be prioritised for items we actually need to store for the business. It will create a gap for us. Parents think we could just make it work. Although haven’t enquired how.

YABU - you can’t charge your parents storage
YANBU - they’ve had 8 years free and can put their hands in their pocket.

This!

Their stuff is their responsibility not yours.
I wonder if you'll get less push-back if your DH handles it?

So they have the space and it needs to stay there or find other storage.

Tell them it’s can’t come back or if it has needs to go prior to exchange and it’s not going to your new place.

DH has said before he’ll tell them all to take their s**t - that was when sibling also started snd he did lose his temper.

it was really awkward for me as I did speak to both my Dad and sibling and made clear, Dad was very coy and said he knew DH didn’t like it and said he “did ask” years ago when he got the caravan. He didn’t really, he sort of announced it and we never discussed long term. He could easily just move it and either have it on his drive, which I get is more vulnerable to theft, or pay for it.

i basically said you’re pushing your luck and DH isn’t happy - sibling and dad removed a few bits to pacify.

Why are you using your DH as a cop out? You also have an issue with the storage so own it and stand up to them - they’re taking the piss.

Yes. This. Just refuse point blank to be lumbered with their stuff. Give them a date by which it has to be gone and don't waver.

For the love of God just stop!

You're moving, no way should all their shite be moving with you. This is clearly impacting on your relationship with your DH - put him, and your future together, first and tell your parents their stuff needs to be taken away by the time you move.

Utter, utter madness.

Love your dh enough to stop the thing he hates about his home.

I feel sorry for your DH, he must have so much patience. They're your parents, and you should be the one who applies boundaries to your family members; something you should have done years ago!

You know this all has a negative effect on your life and that of your DH, but you're enabling your parents to use your place as a dumping ground.

Your parents sound so selfish and for some reason, perhaps ingrained fear of pissing them off, you appear scared to say no to them, which makes for an unhealthy dynamic.

They need to be given notice - get rid of all of the crap within one month or it'll be collected by the local 'tat man'

It’s time you started listening to your husband more and what his views are.

Just say you are not taking it. It feels a little like you are enabling their refusal to actually deal with it. Currently there's absolutely no motivation to sort it out

I would give them 3 months (or whatever time frame you want…) to get the caravan stored somewhere else.

Come on OP, this really isn’t fair to your DH

Your parents are taking the piss.

Asking for rent will cause ongoing friction. Every Single Week. Plus their mindset will be ‘we can keep adding more if our stuff… after all, we’re paying for it’

Just tell them you need the space for your business and your in life and your DH isn’t working himself into the ground to solve their storage issues.

Tell them to take it all away.

You haven’t been happy, that’s bad enough , but you have no right to presume on the admirable loyalty of your DH.

New house, new beginning, new prioritising of you and your DH.

Before you allow your parents to do real damage to your marriage.

Tell them to clear their stuff out. You will appreciate the view more than the money given grudgingly.

They're massively taking the piss.

New House, new start. Time to take back control. I'd impress upon you DPs how lucky they had been for this long storing stuff at yours. Time to make their storage more 'secure'?

Just tell your parents and sister that you will not accept anything of theirs for storage at your property, and if you find stuff left you will take it to the dump........ and do it. You are a complete mug to have allowed this situation to develop.

The space is already used by the person who owns the house for the business; we will operate in the same way. Space is at a premium for clients and you can never have enough

In that case you've got the ideal answer

I wouldn't make it about past rent charged, personalities or anything at all except that you'll need the space for the business and that's that

You'll get moaning and "couldn't you just ..." of course, but if you stick to the above and add the MN standard "That won't work for us" if necessary, the move will be the perfect time to end this

Oh, and if they dump stuff on your new drive just leave it there to get pinched ... a couple of episodes like that will soon put them off

Just say you can’t stand the caravan anymore. Say it needs to go. You have to stand up to them. No one reasonable would think it was ok.

You know, OP, your parents’ support of your education etc is just normal. It’s what parents do. Parents have kids to nurture them, bring them up and support them.

Parenting isn’t about setting up a tab to be paid back on an indefinite infinite basis.

Bring grateful to your Dad isn’t the same as owing him half your property for his eyesore caravan for the rest of his life.

You must use this move as the reason o force the change.

They have space, they've accommodated it whilst you sold. They need to know what it must go before you move.

It will be difficult at first but worth it in the long run.

A woman posting this about their in laws and a husband who was facilitating this utter madness in her home despite her clearly saying how much she hated it would probably tell her to chuck him out. He’d definitely get his arse handed to him at a minimum and quite rightly too

Locate your backbone OP and put a stop to this for your husbands sake. He’s put up with this shit from your family for long enough

At the first mention I thought the barn building suggestion was that they built it at their property and took their crap back!
Give them a date - if not moved by them get in a waste removal compamy and charge them - plus an admin fee!

No storage for any of it. They store it themselves or sell it.

I wouldn't charge them rent, but that's because I wouldn't be storing their stuff either.

It sounds like the healthiest relationship you can hope for with your parents is one where you have the absolute least amount of joint commitments, whether that's to their stuff, to childcare, pets or whatever. I think you will find that accepting what they're not willing to give to you/do for you (as difficult as that is) and moving forward each with your own very clearly defined responsibilities will give your relationship the best chance of thriving. I'm not saying it won't be sad for you, or that it won't enrage them and lead to unreasonable-ness, but at least you won't be dealing with all that whilst also being burdened by managing their commitments and belongings also.

Côme on. Thé wonderful one is your DH and YOU are choosing this for him. FFS put him first.