Would you charge your parents rent in these circumstances?

[TheSummerof25]

Long story short for the past 8 years my parents have stored (both inside and out) a number of large items/vehicles at our house. One in particular (a huge caravan) blocks our view and I WFH, without it, i have a lovely open aspect and can watch my chickens and the wildlife on my front from my office window. With it, all I can see is the bloody caravan. They know we don’t like it, we’ve reluctantly tolerated it because they’re our parents.

They do help with childcare, but tbh it’s got to the point where they moan so much and have other priorities we don’t bother asking, for example over the summer I’ve just sent them to clubs where they should have been with parents because their apathy was so apparent - it was four days of the summer I’d asked for.

We look after their pets when they go away, we pay a sitter for ours as we know “how busy” my retired parents are. Whereas we just slot it in.

When I bought a house early in my career, I with much lower pay, they lent me £35k for the deposit. I paid it back within 4 years (moved in with now DH and sold my house) but they charged me “rent” proportionally to the value of the house before it sold. DH always thought this was mean. Both parents retired at 55 and have had several inheritances which have mostly funded the stuff dumped at our house - my point they’re comfortable and have reliable income streams.

Now we’re moving, into a house with an income stream to support retirement plans and they have assumed they can continue to store all their junk, but not only that, want an upgrade of dry storage for all items. Storage is used by the business and so there is a loss associated with letting them have that for free. I said they could get planning and build their own barn, but they don’t want the expense. DH has looked and storage for all their items is easily in the region of £350 per month if not more. He said they can store it but they have to pay - like they charged me rent. This move is a huge investment from us and is with a long term view.

I’m reluctant to charge them, but equally don’t think waterproof items which are now stored outside should be prioritised for items we actually need to store for the business. It will create a gap for us. Parents think we could just make it work. Although haven’t enquired how.

YABU - you can’t charge your parents storage
YANBU - they’ve had 8 years free and can put their hands in their pocket.

I don't think charging them rent will solve the issue as it gives them an even greater foot in the door as they will be "paying for it" and feel more entitled.
All their belongings need to go before you move and cannot be moved to or stored at the new place as you have planned the space in advance for your business.
Adopt the broken record, no apologies, no "sorry", just keep stating what has to happen. Also, do not offer any solutions as they are adults and need to sort their own problems.
What would they do, if you had decided to move to a terraced house with no outbuildings or land?

I don’t understand why you haven’t moved the caravan if it’s spoiling your view, or even why you allowed it to be placed where it is in the first place. Also, working 60+ hours a week isn’t working ‘for the family’. Your children would much prefer to spend more time with their father and have a bit less money I’m sure. Maybe he needs to have a day off a week to look after them rather than paying for childcare or expecting older parents to look after them.

I wouldn’t be in this position at all OP, because I’d not be storing all their crap!

@Soontobe60 he is “working for the family” and is making plans to become more self sufficient which we’ve only been able to do because of his income. It’s all with a longer term view. If he gives up a day at work he’ll be working harder, for longer. So he’ll spend less time with the kids overall. Sometimes you have to feel some discomfort short term for a long term gain!

Re the childcare; we didn’t ask - it was offered to try and mirror arrangements siblings have had. We still used nursery etc so it’s only in the holidays there’s an odd full day. It’s more hassle than it’s worth in many ways. When I tried to pull back a few years ago my Mum cried because she thought we didn’t want her help. She makes a big song and dance about helping and having the kids but then uses it as ammo.

Nope nope nope

The transactional nature of this relationship is very harmful. You don’t want any caravan or storage at your new house; their option is to put it in their own home or pay a market rate to someone else. Or just rent one / go to a static or cottage when they go away (which sounds rarely).

Do not offer a barn, don’t offer to have any of their stuff… your new home is yours to settle into and figure out how it operates as a business free from their clutter. It might be something to reassess in a year or two but isn’t your primary concern.

Conflating the GC and the storage indicates how transactional they / you see the relationship and is really sad. Their behaviour is irrational and has the potential to cause much hurt.

We haven’t moved it because we’ve tolerated it, me out of loyalty to my parents and DH for my sake. I agree it needs to go.

Don’t start storing their stuff at your new place

@AbzMoz thank you, I’ve suggested to DH we tell them they need to find an alternative until we find our feet. The only space at the new house, is again, blocking my view and I don’t want that again. My Mum can block her view!

This
everyone on here thinks you’re being reasonable
how much validation Do you want?
stop moaning and tell them NO

@TammyJones i have only answered what’s been asked. I can’t stop people sharing their views.

Re “not seeing a penny” I recognise I benefitted when I was younger, but was referring to the significant windfalls they’ve had since then, which they’ve used in part to buy stuff and store it at ours. So they want to benefit from our house and space but never thought to spread the good fortune. Tbh I’m not too bothered if they spend it all having a nice time, but not at my own inconvenience.

This may be way off the mark - only you know OP. But it almost sounds like they are (perhaps subconsciously) dumping these large items on you on purpose, to keep you entwined with / dependent on them, or to stop you getting "above your station". Big house? Better fill it with clutter. Lovely view? Better stick a caravan in the way.

I agree with others about the clean break. No more storing anything. If they want to buy it, they can sort storage. They won't like it of course. But they can be as angry or sad as they like - you're not dependent on them anymore.

@DisappearingGirl they definitely feel entitled, I can tell by the way my Mum speaks about it. When I raised it with them before because of another massive item, that was in our way practically and restricted OUR access to our garage (so we couldn’t get our lawn mower in and out with ease) my Mum was quite spiteful by saying DH needs to remember what they do for him. Whenever I say the storage costs £X somewhere else (we’ve had a look there’s loads of options) she laughs and says what about childcare.

Forget all the childcare, forget the cash they loaned you, forget the rent they charged. Draw a line under it all and look at the situation with fresh eyes

Do you want to store their stuff for free?
No - send them a letter telling them to remove it by a date otherwise you'll have the items removed back to their land and will invoice them for the costs

Do you want to store their stuff in return for rent?
The answer here is also No - don't mix business and family. It never works. Send them a letter as above

What happens when they turn up with random stuff or their deliveries arrive at your house?
Refuse them. "Sorry Mr Postman I won't be accepting that furniture" "No dad, you can't leave that here, if you do we'll have it removed back to your house and send you the bill"

What do you say to your parents when they complain or try to guilt you?
"That was then. This is now. We've made our decision, it's not up for debate." or "I understand you feel that way, but this isn't a conversation we can have"

You don't have to ask for permission not to be a doormat.

Just stop being a doormat.

Why are you suggesting things to your DH?! They are your parents - you should take care of it.

@Thesummerof25 Something I first read/heard about on Mumsnet is FOG:

Fear
Obligation
Guilt

You are suffering from all three. My dad (a loving but ultimately selfish man) once told me children owe their parents NOTHING. Think about that. Stay strong, thank God for your amazing husband and jointly FUCK THEM OFF! 💐

Tell your tight-arsed and cheeky fucker parents the deadline for removal of their belongings is 31 August. If it hasn’t been removed by then, inform them that you will have their shit disposed of without further notice

@Everyday99 “A* *normal adult does not retire at 55.” Are you insane? 🤣 Anyone with the financial resources and half a brain would retire at 55! I know I damn well would

New house, new start. Say no. If you don’t want to, there’s no point posting here for advice. You’ll be a doormat your whole life if you don’t put boundaries in place.

This!

This. 😞

Whatever you do don’t charge them for anything as soon as as you take money for anything they’ll be even more entitled as there paying for it

bite the bullet and put and end to it

as for childcare make other arrangements nothing worse than having something thrown back in your face

I just wouldn’t store the stuff. They’ll have to find somewhere else but that’s a them problem.

Sorry if its already been asked but is their stuff at your property insured?
Is their stuff on your insurance?

I’m discussing it with my DH, to ensure he is also in agreement.

It won’t be covered by my insurance, I presume they have their own. But don’t know.