Nothing like treating a grown woman less than a year into widowhood like a recalcitrant child to let her know just how unimportant she is to the family.
Selfish and ungrateful eh? For "moping"? For reaching out to other family who are there by happenstance without "permission"? For being sad when that opportunity didn't work out?
These kinds of responses are why a good number of the bereaved end up isolated and suffering in silence.
I also wonder how much of this is driven by gender based expectations? Widowers seem to get a far better crack of the whip, with ongoing support and understanding for the loss of their help meet /PA. Widows on the other hand should be muscling through and putting everyone else first, because that's "the done thing".
Being a good sport is such a flippant turn of phrase.
And always the exhortation to seek professional support if you're still a bit sad after a few months, to spare your lived ones from the trauma and inconvenience of one's pain.
You know what's really difficult to experience? The sense of embarrassment and guilt when you admit you are struggling, and your confidante shuffles awkwardly because what are they supposed to do about it?
The bereaved know that nothing can be done because necromancers are a rare breed. Sometimes all they need is acknowledgement and a hug and company and a million cups of tea, until something gives one a tiny glimmer of hope that some sort of recognisable life will return, forever altered, but stable enough to build on.
The urging to "get over it" actually delays the process, because you end up mired in self doubt, guilt, feelings of being a burden and the over-riding sense that there is something wrong with you because processing a deep loss on both practical and emotional levels isn't happening fast enough.
I recommend a Facebook page called "Refuge in Grief" for anyone who wants genuine insight into the whole subject.