Aibu to say no if my boyfriend proposes

[Mumof4girlshectic]

Me and fella have been together 6 years, we are happily in love and to be honest we don't have any problems, I love him to bits and I feel he's the same with me... Honey moon faze seems to be our whole relationship and we have beautiful children together. He knew from the moment we met that marriage was something I wanted and he said the same, we spoke about it a lot in the start of our relationship... Anyway we are in the 6th year, have children, a home but still no proposal and in my head I told myself if he didn't propose in 5 years I'd say no, I feel if it's taken him this long then there's a reason, he just doesn't love me enough or something is stopping him, he knows I'm fine with a long engagement so it's not financial. If he was madly in love with me and we was meant to get married he'd have proposed by now, he's made me wait 6 years, I haven't been naggy I don't mention it at all we only spoke about it a lot at the start... I just feel if it was menna be he'd have done it and if he does it now its because he feels he don't have a choice or something.. So I'd say no. Id tell him it took too long and it's too late now. Is that me being an arsehole. Yes I wanna spend forever with him, but he doesn't seem keen to marry me and has kept me waiting why should I say yes when he finally wants to....

Seems very petty. Maybe he just wanted to focus on other stuff like getting a house, job and the children first?

Having child(ren) with a man is a much much bigger decision than getting married to him. You will be linked to him through your children until you die- there is no divorce possibility , that link is unbreakable.
You "love him to bits" but you want to refuse to marry him because he has taken too long to ask you, really? I think you have very unrealistic views about what marriage means and how important it is- it's just one day, yes you will be the centre of attention, but are you willing to upset everything you have because the fairy tale isn't quite perfect- I think you have some growing up still to do.

@Laurmolonlabe it's actually you being very unrealistic. Marriage - or civil partnership if the status of wife/husband grates for whatever reason and you want to continue to be partners - is absolutely not just one day. You are thinking about a party. You’re right. A party means nothing. Being legal next of kin, shared assets, inheritance rules etc when you have kids and a home together are not just one day - they are the rest of your and your children’s life. You have some growing up to do if you are colluding in this ridiculous idea that the point of marriage is parties, being the centre of attention… or even being “in love”. Get real. If the romance has passed, so be it. Get legally hitched, one way or the other. You are adults and parents. Stop fannying around.

Your relationship is far more important than being married- you are confusing these things- you obviously have some sort of hang up, these days being married is not all that important to most people- just because it is that important to you doesn't change that. Yes marriage is a legal contract and it does protect you to some extent- but it is no guarantee past the legal.
Having ones friends and relations recognise your union was very important in the past- but community is not like that anymore.
The state picked up this dropped baton so it is now the state that recognises your union , not your friends and family. Many people , including myself feel that the state should have no part in my personal relationships, because it is none of anyone's business but the people in the relationship- the point of marriage for you is to have your union recognised by the state-that is up to you, personally I don't particularly like it as an idea- but my dislike of it is certainly not ill considered or immature. I thought I was unromantic- but you have the edge on me.

First post nails it

If you aren't happy he hasn't proposed yet, tell him!?

@Laurmolonlabe Can only assume the fact you are talking utter nonsense is because you are referring to different "state" laws than those of the UK.

Nope, I live in England, always have- I wasn't talking about State laws I was talking about the State in the sense of the government- you are really ignorant about the nature of marriage and obviously have some issues.
I have thought about this subject a good deal and researched it in depth, unless you have done the same I would hang fire and look into it a little more deeply before throwing around ill-considered insults.

Why don’t you propose to him OP? I can’t remember the exact details but I think me and my husband agreed he’d propose and he did. After we discussed marriage… really it was just something I wanted, that he proposed.

He ended up proposing again as we got a white gold ring that was just plated as it is (didn’t know) and it started to get gold coloured after a couple of weeks. So we got a new ring and did a new proposal, feeding a baby fox.

Maybe he’s scared you will say no (even though you want to) or feels pressure of doing it wrong? Have you hinted or just said you’d like to get married and a proposal with a romantic dinner (or feeding a baby fox, whatever) would be amazing? Worked for me.

@Laurmolonlabe iwell you are a massive hypocrite for telling the OP to grow up and then feeling insulted when the same language is repeated back to you. I’m not ignorant about the importance of the legal protections conferred by civil partnerships or marriage. You are talking nonsense about the state picking up the baton from friends and family, you really are, but it doesn’t actually matter as the OP is unlikely to listen to either of us. All the best.

As other people have said, have an open and honest conversation with him. That’s what real relationships are about.

I got married last year after 14 years together and 3 kids. We just decided it was the right time and it hadn’t been a priority before that, it’s just the icing on the cake to our relationship.

What a very silly idea! Have you dropped heavy hints?

For someone who has children, you seem to have a lot of growing up to do.

Took my husband 7 years and here we are happily married. Not sure why anyone needs to time stamp these things TBH. The only change is a surname and that’s only if you choose to do that anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️. Kids, to me, are more commitment as they push you together throughout your child’s life, like it or not.

Yep

So you have a fabulous relationship always in honeymoon period no problems , yet your making one by saying you would say no if he asked because marriage didnt happen when you wanted it to and the way you want it to.
You sound immature.