Aibu to say no if my boyfriend proposes

[Mumof4girlshectic]

Me and fella have been together 6 years, we are happily in love and to be honest we don't have any problems, I love him to bits and I feel he's the same with me... Honey moon faze seems to be our whole relationship and we have beautiful children together. He knew from the moment we met that marriage was something I wanted and he said the same, we spoke about it a lot in the start of our relationship... Anyway we are in the 6th year, have children, a home but still no proposal and in my head I told myself if he didn't propose in 5 years I'd say no, I feel if it's taken him this long then there's a reason, he just doesn't love me enough or something is stopping him, he knows I'm fine with a long engagement so it's not financial. If he was madly in love with me and we was meant to get married he'd have proposed by now, he's made me wait 6 years, I haven't been naggy I don't mention it at all we only spoke about it a lot at the start... I just feel if it was menna be he'd have done it and if he does it now its because he feels he don't have a choice or something.. So I'd say no. Id tell him it took too long and it's too late now. Is that me being an arsehole. Yes I wanna spend forever with him, but he doesn't seem keen to marry me and has kept me waiting why should I say yes when he finally wants to....

You’d only be screwing your self over financially. I’ve been married 24 years now and only got married as I was sick of saying partner and I wanted children - we’d been together 8 years by this point and it was embarrassing. I felt the massive wedding etc had gone by then and felt it was more of a paperwork exercise by this point and like you was pissed off.

Well I did it the other way marriage,then kids lol and still very happy several years on..I knew hubby was committed as for years he told his family he would never marry or had any intention of kids then met me and everything changed for him lucky for me lol

or you could be an adult and have a grown up conversation about it all rather than making up scenarios and ultimatums in your head?

Nonsense.

Me walk away from kids a lot easier than they can get a divorce.

MEN

Purely comes down to financially are you better off married or not.

I understand the romance has gone. So if you're financially better off married tell him you want to go to the registry office and be married but you don't want a wedding.

If you're financially better off unmarried then just leave it and if he ever proposes say no.

I don't see a problem with this. If your happy keep it as is.

I think it's a life lesson that not everyone can provide everything but that doesn't mean they don't provide anything.

Enjoy your relationship, your home, your kids & don't lower your standards

My (now) husband proposed to be at 6 years, we got married 2 years later and are now approaching our 10 year a together.

I’m don’t understand why people put time limits on this type of thing, I’d be worrying after 10/15 years not 6 🤣

my husband left it so long as we literally couldn’t afford an engagement ring….. he wanted me to have something nice so saved for 3 years.

Being married makes little difference to our day to day life. I love my wedding ring as it was my dads…. But that’s it really.

why pressure yourself? Why pressure him?

why can’t you propose to him?

This

This….

Exactly this!

What is he waiting for? A written invitation? God, it's grim if he hasn't proposed after 6 years, especially when kiddies are involved.

Nothing more from OP then…

Jesus Christ your screwed up in the head you love him but because he’s not asked you to marry him in the 6 years you’ve been together it means he doesn’t love you enough or something yet you have kids a home etc ffs he’s committed to you getting married is a piece of paper & a change of name your comments are what I’d expect from a 16yr old

Why don’t you just ask him?

How do you know that he knows that you had specifically wanted him to ask you at a certain point? Why is it on him to do the asking if this is something you specifically wanted and you had both agreed you would get married years ago? To decide that you would say no if he now asked you when want to be with him, love each other and have kids sounds crazy and would have so many untold consequences - it could literally end up breaking up the relationship. So if I were you I would just be a bit more transparent and go ask him about getting married now as you feel its the right time and that you feel you should have done it a while ago. Then you will know how he feels about it and can stop musing over it without communicating. Sorted !

Just ask him.

I think being married puts you on a better footing legally and financially, especially as you have kids. So I agree with those saying you are cutting off your nose to spite your face. Maybe have a small quiet wedding saying the moment for a big "pizazz"one has passed. Not that he's asked, but if he does.

Do you both realise theres still a risk to your future if anything should happen to him. His next of Kin could claim everything unless one of your children is 18 by then. The Law still doesn't recognise unmarried couples theres no such thing as a Common Law Wife. Even if he leaves it to you in a will his next of Kin can dispute it if you are not married.

Have you considered just talking to him about it?

What a very weird post. Firstly you say that in your head at 5 years if no proposal…did you actually have this conversation with him? maybe you should have thought about that before you had kids and got a house with him. Also what are you expecting to happen once you turn down this proposal? Likelihood is you would break up. Seems a bit odd to give up everything you say is so wonderful and perfect with him? God I know people who’ve been married for years who would kill for the relationship you’re describing and the ring on the finger doesn’t make any difference to that let me tell you. If you’re that worried then why don’t you propose to him? This is 2025 after all!

💯 this!

I understand your hurt, I've got 3 children with my partner of 23 years and told him from the beginning that I wanted to get married. I've now lost both my parents & in some ways feel like you but in all honesty I think it would be cutting your nose off. He obviously loves you otherwise he wouldn't be with you & I understand where your coming from but please don't be so stubborn that you end up making a potentially relationship ending decision.

So sad that you are still feeling - after 23 years - in some ways like the OP. These days, there's no reason not to get married or have a civil partnership, costs £60 odd and there's no patriarchy or religious remnants to get in the way if you don't want them. Makes a big difference in terms of legal protections in the case of bereavement or break up.

You can propose to him, this is 2025!