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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to say no if my boyfriend proposes

190 replies

Mumof4girlshectic · 06/08/2025 15:00

Me and fella have been together 6 years, we are happily in love and to be honest we don't have any problems, I love him to bits and I feel he's the same with me... Honey moon faze seems to be our whole relationship and we have beautiful children together. He knew from the moment we met that marriage was something I wanted and he said the same, we spoke about it a lot in the start of our relationship... Anyway we are in the 6th year, have children, a home but still no proposal and in my head I told myself if he didn't propose in 5 years I'd say no, I feel if it's taken him this long then there's a reason, he just doesn't love me enough or something is stopping him, he knows I'm fine with a long engagement so it's not financial. If he was madly in love with me and we was meant to get married he'd have proposed by now, he's made me wait 6 years, I haven't been naggy I don't mention it at all we only spoke about it a lot at the start... I just feel if it was menna be he'd have done it and if he does it now its because he feels he don't have a choice or something.. So I'd say no. Id tell him it took too long and it's too late now. Is that me being an arsehole. Yes I wanna spend forever with him, but he doesn't seem keen to marry me and has kept me waiting why should I say yes when he finally wants to....

OP posts:
PestoHoliday · 06/08/2025 16:09

What a childish, petulant way of looking at things.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 06/08/2025 16:10

Yes you're being childish. Unless you don't want to marry him for other reasons ( in which case you probably need to think about whether you want to leave and if not if you need any other legal protections if you're staying)

Reddog1 · 06/08/2025 16:12

Just discuss it like adults!

SugarMarshmallow · 06/08/2025 16:16

Maybe stop being a child and mention to him that you’d like to get married in the near future and don’t hide your feelings or keep a “mental note” that if he proposes after 5 years you’ll say no

You Still chose to have children with this man without mentioning marriage when it was clearly something you wanted

Just be an adult

PommieBear · 06/08/2025 16:17

Don't be so silly. Ask him to arrange a date to get married. Why do you want the big proposal and flash mob? Seems silly to wait for the Instagram ready proposal when you have the house the kids and the mortgage 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

VickyEadieofThigh · 06/08/2025 16:17

LizzieSiddal · 06/08/2025 15:02

I’m 59 and do not understand why young women today need to wait for a man to ask them to marry them. Why can’t you have a grown up discussion and decide together to go and get married. It’s 2025 not 1925!

Absolutely this.

I'm 67 and have been married to a man and am civil partnered to a woman. In BOTH cases we just discussed when we might get married - there was no "proposal" because in neither case was there any need.

We get these "Why hasn't he proposed?" threads time after time. I just do not understand women doing this sitting around waiting for a man to ask - ASK HIM YOURSELF.

MonkeyMonkeyUnderpants1 · 06/08/2025 16:37

Just ask him. My husband and I were together for 7 years before we got engaged. My husband had life goals he wanted to meet before we got married, like getting to a certain career level, buying a house (and adapting it for my disability). I'm pretty sure he was very close to ticking everything off when my DF got diagnosed with aggressive terminal cancer. Over a glass of wine and tears, I said I want my dad to see me get married and can we do it and soon? Of course he said yes and that he couldn't wait to marry me and he regretted the diagnosis being the driving force. Despite organising the wedding for 4 months later, my DF didn't hold on to see the day. So my advice, be an adult, tell him what you want and do it soon.

SoftLass · 06/08/2025 17:24

Awaywiththegnomes · 06/08/2025 15:27

she said no to…. Prove a point?

Show quote history

Yeah, pretty much. She felt like he'd held the power over proposing and not given her what she wanted for so long that when he wanted it, she wanted to withhold it from him. Tit for tat.

ByGutsyTealViewer · 06/08/2025 17:27

You resent him and want to punish him.

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 06/08/2025 17:27

Honestly from a purely financial viewpoint I think it’s wild not to be married if you have children if you earn less/have less assets. I need to know that my children and I are financial secure. perhaps you’re not in that position, but your reasoning seems daft in my opinion.

silverspringer · 06/08/2025 17:41

I think it’s a ridiculous attitude. If you want to get married why not propose to him?

It feels like you’re playing games, waiting for him to propose just to say no. It’s childish.

nomas · 06/08/2025 17:50

Are you a SAHM or working full time?

Whose names are on the house mortgage?

BlueMum16 · 06/08/2025 17:53

You love him.
You want to spend forever with him.

Yet you have never proposed yourself and have decided to decline if he does ever get round to asking.

What a head fuck!

BabyCatFace · 06/08/2025 17:58

Why don't you be an adult and have a conversation with him?

GentleSheep · 06/08/2025 17:58

You need to have a proper conversation with him OP, otherwise you are just guessing at what may or may not be going on in his head. Never a good thing to do, especially not over such an important topic.

Wethers121 · 06/08/2025 18:06

I find this really odd that you would have children with this man yet refuse to marry him because of a timeframe you have in your head. I think you need to stop cutting your nose off to spite your face and accept if he proposes

GRCP · 06/08/2025 18:13

Children are a far bigger commitment than marriage.

LittlleMy · 06/08/2025 18:30

LizzieSiddal · 06/08/2025 15:02

I’m 59 and do not understand why young women today need to wait for a man to ask them to marry them. Why can’t you have a grown up discussion and decide together to go and get married. It’s 2025 not 1925!

I agree! In my late 40s, I used to tell my ex (when I thought he was the one), that when I thought the moment was right I may just surprise him with a proposal - and I meant it!

heroinechic · 06/08/2025 18:32

Why don’t you leave him then? You either want to spend the rest of your life with him in which case you say yes, or you think he doesn’t love you enough and it isn’t meant to be, in which case you say no.

Saying no but remaining in the relationship makes no sense at all!

SixteenClovesOfGarlic · 06/08/2025 18:42

GRCP · 06/08/2025 18:13

Children are a far bigger commitment than marriage.

It's a commitment to the child, not at all to a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Arlanymor · 06/08/2025 19:28

SixteenClovesOfGarlic · 06/08/2025 18:42

It's a commitment to the child, not at all to a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Show quote history

It’s a longer commitment to the child - but married or not, if you have a child you will have to have some kind of a relationship with the other parent for a long time ahead. I think that’s the point being made.

ThatCatWitch · 06/08/2025 21:39

You're saying no out of spite.

Justthethingsthatyoudointhisgarden · 06/08/2025 21:43

Sounds like you're carrying a great deal if resentment, which isn't going to disappear if you say no to a mythical proposal. It's one if those use your words and speak to each other moments

Londonrach1 · 06/08/2025 21:45

If you say no to a marriage proposal why are you still with him?

hellokellie · 06/08/2025 21:46

Mumof4girlshectic · 06/08/2025 15:00

Me and fella have been together 6 years, we are happily in love and to be honest we don't have any problems, I love him to bits and I feel he's the same with me... Honey moon faze seems to be our whole relationship and we have beautiful children together. He knew from the moment we met that marriage was something I wanted and he said the same, we spoke about it a lot in the start of our relationship... Anyway we are in the 6th year, have children, a home but still no proposal and in my head I told myself if he didn't propose in 5 years I'd say no, I feel if it's taken him this long then there's a reason, he just doesn't love me enough or something is stopping him, he knows I'm fine with a long engagement so it's not financial. If he was madly in love with me and we was meant to get married he'd have proposed by now, he's made me wait 6 years, I haven't been naggy I don't mention it at all we only spoke about it a lot at the start... I just feel if it was menna be he'd have done it and if he does it now its because he feels he don't have a choice or something.. So I'd say no. Id tell him it took too long and it's too late now. Is that me being an arsehole. Yes I wanna spend forever with him, but he doesn't seem keen to marry me and has kept me waiting why should I say yes when he finally wants to....

Honeslty I never saw the big deal in having a wedding and only really got married because it just seems like what you're supposed to do.

We always talked about just doing it in Vegas one time as we usually go to the US every 1-2 years on holiday anyway.

I literally text him one day and said "we might as well do it next year because we're going to LA" And he said "yeah I guess" 😅

It got delayed a few years because of Covid but we managed it eventually haha. We'd been together 11 years when we got married 😂