OH wants to give 3 months old to his mothers for a week

[mummymanic]

Hi all,

im due to have DC4 in March and I’ve got a holiday booked for end of June. I’ve asked OH if he would be okay with all 4 kids and he said “send them to your mums” in questioned him and said “even the baby?” to which he agreed.

this will be our 1st child together. AIBU to think that this is what it’ll be like moving forward and that he won’t want to take care of the child/ren when I want some “me time” and he’ll fob them off to either of our parents? He thinks it’s normal because his nephew spends majority of the week at his mum’s and I keep explaining to him that it’s really not the norm and a newborn should be at home with parents.

trying not to stress about it but it’s really upset me. considering bringing the baby with me abroad but dunno how I’ll manage (also not told anybody im travelling with yet).

They really wouldn't think it was fine for a bloke to fuck off on holiday for week leaving the mother with 3 kids and a 3 month old baby.

It’s not normal for a mum to go away for a week when she has a tiny baby. Even a toddler would struggle with this. I hope this is a wind up and not real. ‘Me time’ is for an hour or two, not a week.

In jail baby would be with you until they were 18 months.

"Would most mothers of a new born and 3 other young children be desperate to head off on holiday for a week leaving three of them with her mum,"

The 3 children are staying with the OP's partner along with the 3 month old baby.

Wonderful!!

A dad of 3 months who presumably hasn’t known the the other young children very long… in sole charge of all 4

What. A. Relief.

This thread certainly doesn't support mothers, does it?

If they have a new relationship and start a new family they are "shagging around" and "moving a man in"

Shouldn't sensibly organise childcare a year in advance.

Shouldn't have a week's break.

Shouldn't entrust DP to look after his baby and stepchildren.

Shouldn't have a job when baby is 3 months old

This site should be called ANTI mumsnet

This is rubbish. Most people have made a clear distinction between occasions where a woman HAS to leave her kids at 3 months and where (as in this case) she’s choosing to. And leaving the baby along with 3 other kids, who are not related to the mother’s boyfriend AND, to boot, where it’s his first child and he’s already shown signs of being unwilling and crap.

There is a huge difference between a mother of a young baby who has to travel for work or to a funeral etc, who leaves the baby with a competent and supportive parent, and a mother who wants a week of “me time” and leaves the baby with a new father who sounds completely not up for the task.

And as for leaving the three older kids as well, it’s a recipe for utter disaster. And none of this is thinking about what’s best for the kids (by which I don’t just mean will they be alive, but will they be happy and well cared for with physical and emotional needs met).

This thread, besides not supporting mothers, also puts down stepfathers.

There's plenty of stepfathers who have adapted and learnt to take great care of their stepchildren.

What a nasty thread this is.

Anti mothers.
Anti stepfathers.

And insulting to boot.....

Thousands of people split up and start a new family.
Both men and women.

Are they all "shagging around" then"?
Or just the OP?

As said before, I can only assume it's jealousy of her 7 day break and her partner who is willing to look after his stepchildren and baby.
Good for them.......

Good luck with the birth OP and have a lovely holiday next year.

This is absolutely classic 'wait, everyone does think I'm being unreasonable - well, you're all wrong and I'm not sticking around here to listen to you saying so'.

This though has the added and delicious twist that the OP feels sorry for us in our wrongness.

Come on, people, that's top-drawer entitlement weaponised. It's almost admirable.

Oh 🤫

@Panterusblackish

Of course people will judge you for leaving a baby for a week, but if this was him going on holiday or working away for a week everyone would think that was fine.

if a man was leaving his girlfriend with his three month old baby AND his 3 young DC from a PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP to go on a week holiday …. Hell no people would not think “it is fine”, and you know it

Would YOU hang around to be insulted?
Accused of shagging around and moving a man in.
Predictions that the relationship won't last five minutes?
Insults that her DP won't be able to look after his own baby or stepkids?

You'd stay on the thread, would you?
Yeah, right. Course you would.

OP should feel sorry for posters on this sad thread. I do too.

And I still think it's jealousy....

Truth hurts

so I’m not surprised the Op scarpered

I agree. People would think it's fine.....

Normal people, normal relationships.

And you would stay to be insulted?
Or maybe you "shag around" yourself, so that insult doesn't bother you?

Well surely the answer was to have spoken to him properly in the first place rather than coming here to be all pompous? 🤷‍♀️

I can’t even imagine being in the situation. Let alone started an OP about it. Unfathomable really. Probably I’d have shuffled off, yes.

Love it!

I'll bet there's some absolutely perfect relationships on here.

Everyone speaks to their partner straight away, before coming on mumsnet.
No one is in their second marriage/relationship.
No one has step children.

And everyone would stay on here to have themselves and partner insulted, when no one knows hardly anything about them.

OP was honest and open and people were jealous.
You can almost see the green envy coming off the pages.

It never used to be like this. There used to be a sense of solidarity amongst women and mothers.

I think this nastiness, false accusations, jealousy is because you all need a holiday. A break from your kids.

Am I right?

But you’re also fobbing your 3 month old off

so it’s up to him what he does

Yes because there’s no middle ground between “perfect” and…. This

😆

What situation?
Being in a second relationship and starting a new family?
Unfathomable?
You've never heard of that before?

Wow, You must lead a very sheltered life...

Maybe half the couples in the country should just shuffle off then...

How is arranging childcare a year in advance "fobbing off"

Are you feeling ok?