OH wants to give 3 months old to his mothers for a week

[mummymanic]

Hi all,

im due to have DC4 in March and I’ve got a holiday booked for end of June. I’ve asked OH if he would be okay with all 4 kids and he said “send them to your mums” in questioned him and said “even the baby?” to which he agreed.

this will be our 1st child together. AIBU to think that this is what it’ll be like moving forward and that he won’t want to take care of the child/ren when I want some “me time” and he’ll fob them off to either of our parents? He thinks it’s normal because his nephew spends majority of the week at his mum’s and I keep explaining to him that it’s really not the norm and a newborn should be at home with parents.

trying not to stress about it but it’s really upset me. considering bringing the baby with me abroad but dunno how I’ll manage (also not told anybody im travelling with yet).

Basically the same thing thx. And no reason why he shouldn't be

I'm married with children from a previous relationship and children with my DH. My DH considers himself father to all of them and vice versa. We've lived together for years as a family unit so I don't necessarily agree with the mentality that they aren't anything to do with the partner and they're all OP's responsibility. It doesn't really work like that in real life if the set up is similar to mine. However, I would never leave a baby for a week to go and have a holiday. I can understand his hesitation if he's never raised a baby before. But even if he had loads of experience of that I wouldn't want time away from my very young child ( and also my other kids) and I'm sorry, but it's irresponsible in my opinion.

Oh. Dear.

This man is NOT the “dad” of the three of other children.

head. Wall. SMASH

@RubySquid you honestly think a week of looking after a newborn is the same as looking after a teen?

This boyfriend has never had a child before

and now faced with a week of looking after 3 children that aren’t his and a new born

I don’t give a damn about him but you think this is going to be a happy environment for the 4 DC left with a man who has previously had no children

enjoy those cocktails Op.

But I don't see why it should be harder for a father than a mother. That's what I'm saying

She did offer to send those to her mother It's in the OP.

LAater on she said he offered to look after them all

Because the mother is actually the mother of all 4 children!!!

this chap is the new father of a newborn. A newborn ONLY. He is not the father of the three other children

Can you really not see the difference?

I haven’t said or even alluded to it being harder for a man over a woman

It would very likely be harder for someone’s boyfriend to be caring for their teens or baby

Ideally not.

Some mothers have no choice financially.

Some mothers choose to put them in nursery for other reasons.

The baby being away from its mother for 6 or 8+ hours a day five days a week is not in the babies best interests. It's needs to be with it's mother the majority of the day.

Like it or not, it's true.

No ofc I meant 4 kids that are probably more new to him, given that hes only a first time dad

He of course can look after 4 kids hes raised by himself 😅

Exactly

asking anyone
who has only just become a parent themself
to take care of a newborn and three children (that aren’t actually theirs)

seems just a touch… reckless

You're not being unreasonable.

You should be able to leave him with his baby for a week and the other kids with your mum.

Of course people will judge you for leaving a baby for a week, but if this was him going on holiday or working away for a week everyone would think that was fine.

Many a time there have been threads on here about men wanting to go on lads breaks when the kids are tiny, and plenty of Mumsnetters saying suck it up, you'll manage, I had to!

But yeah, he's going to be a shit dad.

Each to their own
But the idea of going off for a week’s holiday leaving my newborn with their father who only became a parent for the first time himself a few weeks ago… nah, not for me

even if he’d been a dad 7x over, I still wouldn’t want it

but the OP is keen so 🤷‍♀️

How many mothers are single when they give birth to their first? A man is as completely capable of looking after a baby as a woman.

Not if you breastfeed they’re not.

How is that relevant? OP clearly isn’t going to breastfeed, or at least not for three months.

The hospital let me take a baby home when I'd just become a parent, without even having 3 months practice.

Don't get me wrong, I think it's an awful idea, but not because I assume a man can't look after a baby!

I agree, cannot imagine leaving a three month old for a week.

I'm not sure many agree with holidays....work is different there are bills to pay.

Really weird of you to take a holiday when you have a three month old baby, who really really needs you.

Why do you keep churning babies out when the fathers clearly aren't interested and by the looks of it neither are you. Consider sterilisation.

I have more kids and no way would I consider leaving them for a week to go enjoy myself, my motto I had them they come with me or I don't go until there old enough to fend for themselves. Saying that I've had opportunities to go with friends and hubby has always encouraged me but from fairness I wouldn't do it

Will the newborn survive? Of course (well, in all likelihood!)

Will the newborn be fed and sleep? Sure (unless he’s a fucking psychopath)

Would most mothers of a new born and 3 other young children be desperate to head off on holiday for a week leaving three of them with her mum, and newborn with the father who already early on in the relationship (this relationship will be short at best) is withdrawing?

Nah

Oh come on, I'd been a parent for 90 minutes and was sent home to deal with it ... He can do it, he'll have had 3 months experiences by then... stop making excuses for rubbish men..