To not accommodate DH holiday plans

[NotWashingTowelsDaily]

Long time MNer, name changed. I’ve just had a big argument resulting in DH slamming around and walking out. Trying to get perspective.

DH goes on holiday with a small group twice a year. He has form for booking with his mates then telling me with minimal notice, which means I have to flex to cover my job and DC’s needs at last minute. He has a stressful job and set work hours. My job is more flexible but I do most of the child related stuff and juggling of both. Last time he did this sudden holiday announcement (June) I objected as it was massively inconvenient and after a tense ‘discussion’ we had a long talk about talking plans through together, shared responsibilities etc. He took this on board (I thought). He asked mates to move the holiday and they all re booked for end of August. Returning Sunday night. Dates agreed, written in home calendar and work diary. All good.

Except I’ve just been chatting about some meetings I’ve got on the Monday and he’s casually dropped that he’s taking an extra day off and won’t be back until Monday night. He can’t ‘mess his mates around again’ and I’ll have to cancel work commitments or take the day off. I have told him firmly that no, I’m not doing this. Full disclosure I’ll admit I’m cross (I haven’t shouted) and feel totally disrespected. He is absolutely fuming that I can’t be nice and I will ruin the holiday. Hence slamming on table and angry exit.

YABU - you could ask for emergency or parental leave, call in sick or something, no big deal. You usually make it work and it will spoil his holiday and really mess his mates around again if you don’t.

YANBU - His mistake, he should take it on the chin and either admit to his mates he’s messed up and change dates again or he doesn’t go.

Have you heard of “boundary-setting?” If you make a decision and stick to it (whatever it is it will help your self-esteem and you will be able to deal with similar situations in the future if you were giving advice what would you “tell yourself to do “?

He needs to get his priorities in order fair enough he wants time with mates but it shouldn't be a priority over your work it's not fair.
Do you have time away op with your friends ?

His social life isn't more important than your DC and your work?

Why does he commit to long hours if he finds his job stressful? Surely that just makes it more stressful?

I really hate this, he obviously understands organisation as he can organise the dates with mates, organise it with his work and book annual leave and yet the person/people who should be his number 1 priority don't factor in his thinking at all.
Personally I'd be point blank refusing, he can come back a day early as planned. I'd also then be having a chat and agreeing you both roughly have the same amount of personal time/time off life and agreeing the amount of notice required.
Yes he has a stressful job. You have a job, children with complex needs and apparently now him, to manage - you're presumably just as stressed and juggling just as much. I'm guessing you also get nowhere near as much time to yourself, and if you do get any it requires military level organisation and planning probably including leaving meals in the fridge and a full written up itinerary for him. Remind him that if you were divorced and it was his week with the kids, it'd be exclusively his problem to deal with, and nothing to do with you.