Neighbour asked me to babysit her child whilst she works

[kimmmym]

So basically my next door neighbour has asked me to babysit her 11 month old baby whilst she works.

The baby has been in nursery but there was an incident last week (didn’t mention what) so she has now taken him out for the time being whilst she decides what to do next.

I work from home part time and also look after my toddler DC whilst OH works full time.

My neighbour has said that she will pay me and it won’t be every day as her mum will have her son some days.

She also wanted me to fast forward her an interview for my work place and was asking for details on my employer etc due to me working remotely.

I have told her I can’t do it as I am too busy with my own children and I do not want the responsibility of another child.

She said nobody helps her apart from her mum and the father of the child ( DV issues) and he has not paid any maintenance to her since the child has been born and has now also failed to collect the child for the court order arranged visits.

I do feel sorry for her as she does appear to be struggling and needs money but I can’t help her.

When I told her I couldn’t do it she burst out crying.

I feel really bad now.

AIBU that I said I couldn’t help?

I would do it as a one-off to help someone out. But it sounds like she wanted this arrangement on an ongoing basis. And that would be a no.

No, you shouldn't feel bad at all. She needs to sort out whatever the incident was at the nursery and get her child back there, or find somewhere else. And don't get sucked in to her job search either; if she gets an interview at your place of work she has to do it on her own merits.

She can’t go around having these types of expectations of people she doesn’t even know she will walk through life very disappointed. That is an issue for her to deal with though.

Just be firm with your no and let the guilt dissipate.

No don't feel bad for saying no, it is a massive ask. You might want to consider offering something along the lines of ok, just for two days while you sort out other child care - make sure you are very clear you are putting yourself out HUGELY and it CANNOT go beyond two days. but if you don't want to do that, don't feel bad, even 2 days is a really big deal

It's not your problem. She can find another nursery. You are not insured and registered to be paid looking after another child.

Of course YANBU.

Her childcare problems are not your responsibility to solve.

im pretty sure that is she is paying you and it is a regular (more that babysitting on an evening thing) then you need to be ofsted registered and have dbs and insurance!

Well aside from anything else,I’m pretty sure it’s illegal to take money for looking after someone’s child when you aren’t a registered child minder?
It’s an unbelievably huge ask and one that would receive a guilt free hard ‘no’ from me

You work part-time? And look after your own child at the same time? And she wants you to take on her child too?
Don't even know where to start with any of that beyond a firm, flat-out NO!!

This.

As a one off I’d do it but aside from very close friends or family I wouldn’t want to be committed to anything ongoing like this, totally fair enough.

you are working with your own child to take care of. You don’t even need to feel guilty about that. at all.
an 11mo is incredibly hard work and a big No.
she needs to ask and pay her mother if she needs more help

If she is offering to pay you, @kimmmym, wouldn’t you have to be approved as a childminder? Not to mention insurance? It would be an absolute minefield for you, and I think you have done absolutely the right thing by refusing.

YANBU

I would help someone out once or twice but I wouldn’t do it ongoing. She needs to sort something out longer term.

I wfh full time and I am not standby childcare!

I would be ok in an emergency while she waited a week or two for a new place at nursery, but it doesn't sound like that would happen.

Are there any local single parent groups you could point her too?

Can you point her towards home start if there's a branch nearby to get some help.

Hold your boundaries.

Are you even friends?

This is a good idea.

No, there isn't anything wrong with saying no if you can't help. Neighbour arrangements can work really well - it's how I was taken care of as a child when my mum worked. But it's only workable if you can actually do it!

I might consider offering to help this month until she gets something set up, my worry would be that it would not get sorted. So it would depend on whether I thought that a likely scenario.

You did extremely well to say no. It can be difficult to say no to someone, so good on you.

It’s not your problem but it’s plain to see you are a caring person. Helping out occasionally if she’s really stuck, would be the only thing I would do.

I don't think these arrangements work with neighbours.
You have enough going on with your own job and children.
An 11 month baby is a big responsibility.

I’m sure your employer would have something to say about you taking on additional paid employment during your work hours! And you would have to declare it to them.

Obviously you can’t do this. As a one-off in an emergency, sure, but not on an ongoing basis.

I feel for her. Her problems aren't yours.

She made up a magical solution to her issue and when you said ‘no’ she reacted to that not you saying no.

No is a fine word and position for you. Now, you have said ‘no’ she is free to look for a real solution to her problem - which is a good thing.

No, don't touch it with a barge pole. You could end up with a court case on your hands if anything happened whilst the child was in your paid care. Sorry to say but her life sounds a bit chaotic too - don't get involved OP.

What does she mean she wants details of your employer because you work remotely? She will still need childcare for the hours she is working for said employer.