Neighbour asked me to babysit her child whilst she works

[kimmmym]

So basically my next door neighbour has asked me to babysit her 11 month old baby whilst she works.

The baby has been in nursery but there was an incident last week (didn’t mention what) so she has now taken him out for the time being whilst she decides what to do next.

I work from home part time and also look after my toddler DC whilst OH works full time.

My neighbour has said that she will pay me and it won’t be every day as her mum will have her son some days.

She also wanted me to fast forward her an interview for my work place and was asking for details on my employer etc due to me working remotely.

I have told her I can’t do it as I am too busy with my own children and I do not want the responsibility of another child.

She said nobody helps her apart from her mum and the father of the child ( DV issues) and he has not paid any maintenance to her since the child has been born and has now also failed to collect the child for the court order arranged visits.

I do feel sorry for her as she does appear to be struggling and needs money but I can’t help her.

When I told her I couldn’t do it she burst out crying.

I feel really bad now.

AIBU that I said I couldn’t help?

The looking after child is one thing, but her trying to get involved with your work situation is completely very hard no for me.

Her childcare is not your problem to solve. You already work and have your own children to care for. Don’t feel guilty - you’ve not done anything wrong in refusing the request.

I wouldn’t even offer a conciliatory ‘in an emergency’, because everyday will soon become an emergency. Is she assuming that because you wfh, you can do childcare as well?

keep saying no.

My dad ia retired and helps half the neighbourhood

And this.

Gosh! I would definitely hold the boundaries. As I suspect once you say yes once or twice it’s much harder to say no after that.

Slightly concerned how willing she is to leave her kid with people she doesn’t know too well. :/

Yes, but your mutually supportive network of mums is not the situation here. So, woth respect, it's irrelevant.

Had the OP posted saying her neighbour was proposing that and she wasn't sure, she'd have had lots of encouragement to go ahead with it, I'm sure.

No one has suggested the OP hermetically seal.and isolate her family from the rest of the world. Just that these requests are unreasonable and this woman is easily identifiable as bad news.

The OP needs to prioritise herself and not this stranger.

YANBU but I do feel bad for her.

Im not really sure why thats relevant but I am pretty sure he's not posting on here asking why he's being put upon either.

If he's doing it because he wants to and has the time, that's up to him. I'm referring the women who post on here after having ' a little cry' because everyone expects them to do everything, but they won't say no and wonder why no one else respects the boundaires theyve never expressed.

Or wondering why everyone assumes that they will do the childcare because they're a woman when they haven't said no.

Or wondering why other people don't respect them and their time.

Oh definitely not unreasonable. Keep saying no. Her childcare is her problem. Just because you have a set up that works for your child does not oblige you to have hers too.

To start with paying you is very dodgy unless you're a registered childminder or employed as a nanny. "Babysitting" is subject to strict rules such as no more than 2 hours a day before 6pm or something like that (my kids are older so it's been a while since I checked).

I was going to say maybe offer as an occasional emergency but on reading further about her watching the neighbours and pestering a range of people to have her kid i reckon she would be a CF and "have an emergency" every day. She needs a nursery or a childminder.

I don't think it's great to be wfh and looking after a child as you do and as she seems to aspire to but that's another matter really.

You have every right to say no. She's taken her child out of the nursery, and really isn't in a position to 'have a think about what she wants to do'. If she's working, then she needs to find a new nursery asap, it really that simple. She can't rely on random people to provide childcare - and it wasn't fair on her to put all her expectations onto you. If it was a temporary arrangement, until she found a new nursery, I may have considered it. However, it sounds as if she was expecting the arrangement to be a permanent one. Her situation isn't nice, but her financial and childcare issues are not your responsibility to solve.

Absolutely not op, and I wouldn't even do it as a one off as that would start a slippery slope. I was a single parent from when my daughter was 1,it was tough but I had to sort my own childcare and job out, it was my responsibility as a parent and an adult. She also has help from her parents which is more than a lot of people. This is not your problem and she sounds like a complete user.

Of course, ‘Be Nice’…gotcha! 👌🏻

Exactly! And I'm pretty sure that even the OP's neighbour might think twice before asking a retired man to look after her baby. It's completely different for working mums who get put upon and guilt-tripped vs a retired guy who gets a bang out helping everyone in his plentiful time.

This! And also from the OP "I do not want the responsibility of another child" so why would people reply saying "doesn't stop her helping if she wants to". She explicitly does not want to and that is completely fine.

Ex childminder here - unfortunately as soon as you take payment and if there is a risk of it being a regular thing you fall foul of the law. Ie, you would be breaking it. I had to register 10 years ago because I was having my friend’s children 3 days a week after school - its to ensure that a) the child is cared for in accordance with child safety regulations etc AND b) that you are protected against being sued should her child have an accident or be taken ill whilst in your care. It’s one thing to watch a child in their home for a few hours in an emergency, but taking them into your home and receiving payment is not a good idea.

I’d decline and say you are not willing to do so. She’ll have to find a registered minder in stead.

Exactly.

Women. And. Girls. Do. Not. Have. To. Be. Nice.

I had this once (only once, luckily). School mum - our sons in same class Year 2, we each had a younger son mine then aged Reception and hers in school nursery. She went back to work ft and a couple of times asked me to collect hers and take them home and then she would collect. I found it a strain with all 4 to be honest esp her youngest lad who was full-on. At the time I was a SAHM (had recently taken career break) so she had said to others she thought I had spare time. At end of term half day, she asked me to collect them and keep them until 6pm. I’m afraid I declined saying we had something else on. Cue quite a few snarky comments. I still feel badly about it.

Well, desperate times and all that 😳😅

I don't see the harm in suggesting a website to her neighbour that specialises in WFH jobs is a big favour, or opening a gateway to the neighbour asking for more help, though. But we have neighbours knocking at all hours because of my husband's trade (not sex work 😅)

She sounds lonely and like she's struggling. It's sad for her. But, it's okay to say no. I wouldn't take on regular childcare responsibilities for anyone. I wouldn't mind helping in an emergency but not as a regular accordance. It sounds like she wants/ needs a friend, but that doesn't mean that you want to be that friend.

Nobody helps her except her mum and the child's father??
Surely thats the same for most people to have those two choices or often not even that.

You aren't available for childcare, even if that makes your next door neighbour sad.

"Apparently she watches neighbours on her Ringdoor and then when she see’s various neighbours she will come out and start a convo and then start asking for favours as she has asked other neighbours to help with childcare amongst other things, not just me."

It sounds like she's actively trying to confront neighbors to find one or two who won't say no to offload much of her own responsibilities onto, including childcare and looking for a job. In other words, she's looking for a sucker or two. I wonder if there really was an incident at childcare or she's just looking for a chump to babysit for free.

I'd keep far away and just say your workplace isn't hiring.

You aren't responsible for her childcare .

Gosh don't feel guilty OP.

I would be thinking of having to change nappies, and would she be dropping off food for the baby, what if it chokes on your watch ? Is your house even baby friendly if your DC are older?

Sounds like a terrible idea and as others have said she needs to sort nursery asap

You need to tell her you are working and also caring for your own DC so a new baby would be too much. A pity she's not my neighbour because I absolutely adore babies and would do it for free once a week just to get a cuddle with them and to push them out in their pram.

why doesn't she find a childminder if she's willing to pay?