Neighbour asked me to babysit her child whilst she works

[kimmmym]

So basically my next door neighbour has asked me to babysit her 11 month old baby whilst she works.

The baby has been in nursery but there was an incident last week (didn’t mention what) so she has now taken him out for the time being whilst she decides what to do next.

I work from home part time and also look after my toddler DC whilst OH works full time.

My neighbour has said that she will pay me and it won’t be every day as her mum will have her son some days.

She also wanted me to fast forward her an interview for my work place and was asking for details on my employer etc due to me working remotely.

I have told her I can’t do it as I am too busy with my own children and I do not want the responsibility of another child.

She said nobody helps her apart from her mum and the father of the child ( DV issues) and he has not paid any maintenance to her since the child has been born and has now also failed to collect the child for the court order arranged visits.

I do feel sorry for her as she does appear to be struggling and needs money but I can’t help her.

When I told her I couldn’t do it she burst out crying.

I feel really bad now.

AIBU that I said I couldn’t help?

The only real two answers to her question about childcare are:

"No" and "Fuck off".

Her child, her problem.

Do not engage.

I potentially was that person. I was a young mum, on my own, trying to work and juggle childcare, worn down. I’m sure I burst into tears on a stranger at some point because life was so bloody relentless - money worries, time worries, no time out - at all- ever. There were kind people. People who came and sat and let me talk, so I didn’t feel so alone with it all. One lady made me a lot of soup and pizza, I remember. Another sat and played with my daughter so that I could wash up or put the laundry out. A simple ‘I’m going to the shop do you want anything’.

Her mother watches her kid some days.

She has help. Don't try to guilt OP, she has 2 kids under 3 and is working from home. Her plate is full .

She's also watching on her Ring cam and going out to ask her neighbors for favours.

Oh I have also been 'potentially that person'. In that my circumstances at one point with a newborn were dire. But I never was.

I've met many people, personally and professionally who were 'potentially that person' but also weren't. I've also met many who were absolutely that person.

And you can recognise them a mile off.

She's watching her neighbours on her ring doorbell and accosting them.

She is someone to avoid. Not engage with.

She's not asking for a bit of help now and again, she is asking the OP to do something illegal.

Everyone telling you to help out a few times are forgetting you have no idea what the incident at nursery was, and whether you will have the same incident yourself. You need to really trust someone to take care of their child. You have no idea if you are walking into a safeguarding nightmare.

I don't get the few people on here talking about being kind and being concerned at replies on here saying not to help.. There is being kind, and then there is letting yourself be treated like a mug to your own detriment. The op is a working mum, to two young children. Why should she agree to look after a neighbour's baby which would cause her own life/work/other children to suffer?? This lady clearly has help already and has form for using others. You don't have to be a people pleaser to be kind.

People with poor boundaries often see boundaries as being mean or unkind or the thought of doing so makes them feel anxious. Other people putting boundaries into place also makes them feel uncomfortable because they know they wouldn't be able to do the same and it feels wrong somehow.

OP, is this the woman who asked you to do her watering for her?

Stay away from her.
She is a CF user.

Don't get involved at all.

A bit on an update.

My neighbour told me this morning that she has had to give up her job as her employer isn’t being understanding to her situation.

From what she told me she had taken all of her annual leave prior to her going back to work and her employer was not hally that she had only been back work a day and was requesting flexi working.

I sympathised with her and tried to go back but then she began sobbing about how it was all too much for her and how she basically was running low on money now.

She said the child didn’t get on well nursery and she dosent feel comfortable sending him there when he isn’t even walking.
She said she wants to leave her son with someone that she trusts and likes.

I told her again kindly that it wouldn’t be a option for me as I have too much going on and don’t want the responsibility of another child.

We are hoping to move by October due to OH’s job so until then I will just continue to be civil with her etc.

You were fine to say no. In an emergency I possibly would. If it was a long term arrangement I wouldn't do it without payment but even then it would really restrict my time. It's a lot to commit to and totally understandable for you to say no. Besides the fact, you also work. She needs to find childcare arrangements like everyone else and that's not your problem.

Your spine is shiny.

She's persistent and manipulative.

From now on, just say you're busy and can't stop to chat.

You are right not to get involved. I would be willing to bet that if you did any kind of favour for this person, even as a one off, it would open up a massive can of worms.

Taking care of someone else's child is a huge responsibility, and the trust needs to go both ways. The fact that she's asking someone she barely knows to provide regular childcare is worrying. Someone who over-shares with neighbours about her personal life, relationship history and finances, asks people she barely knows for favours then bursts into tears when they say no and seems to have had some sort of falling out with her previous childcare setting is not someone I would feel comfortable entering into any sort of childcare arrangement with.

Yes, this is a really good point. The advice I gave was based on a friend's child. If OP barely know the neighbour, then she has boundary issues and the chances of this backfiring on OP are high. Keep well away and have minimal/ nothing to do with her.

That’s really sad for her, but her child is not your responsibility. It’s unfair of her to try to guilt trip you into it.

Hi
So another neighbour approached me about her this morning as apparently she has been letting a couple of the other neighbours kids play with her son in her back garden.

When my neighbour went to fetch her kid from her garden she was also approached for help.

My neighbour just cut her short and collected her child and went into her house.

Apart of me does feel sorry for her situation, it can’t be nice but she does get a lot of help from her parents.

Hopefully she has taken the hint and will stop asking .

@kimmmym She should be asking her parents for help watching her child so she can work, not so that she can go have a social life. She wants it all and is willing to forgo the job instead of a social life?

Not your circus, not your clown car.