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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour asked me to babysit her child whilst she works

167 replies

kimmmym · 06/08/2025 10:27

So basically my next door neighbour has asked me to babysit her 11 month old baby whilst she works.

The baby has been in nursery but there was an incident last week (didn’t mention what) so she has now taken him out for the time being whilst she decides what to do next.

I work from home part time and also look after my toddler DC whilst OH works full time.

My neighbour has said that she will pay me and it won’t be every day as her mum will have her son some days.

She also wanted me to fast forward her an interview for my work place and was asking for details on my employer etc due to me working remotely.

I have told her I can’t do it as I am too busy with my own children and I do not want the responsibility of another child.

She said nobody helps her apart from her mum and the father of the child ( DV issues) and he has not paid any maintenance to her since the child has been born and has now also failed to collect the child for the court order arranged visits.

I do feel sorry for her as she does appear to be struggling and needs money but I can’t help her.

When I told her I couldn’t do it she burst out crying.

I feel really bad now.

AIBU that I said I couldn’t help?

OP posts:
pinkdelight · 06/08/2025 10:57

Well done for saying no. There are other nurseries and childcare providers. You are neither of those things and have your own children and job to manage. You can be sympathetic but anything more than that is her unreasonable expectation to recalibrate.

ThejoyofNC · 06/08/2025 10:57

Definitely not. It's sad that she's in a bad situation but she cannot expect you to be the solution to this problem just because you happen to live next door. It's way too much to ask.

GreyCarpet · 06/08/2025 11:00

DisforDarkChocolate · 06/08/2025 10:40

I would be ok in an emergency while she waited a week or two for a new place at nursery, but it doesn't sound like that would happen.

Are there any local single parent groups you could point her too?

The OP is married with a toddler.

Why would she be aware of single parent groups in the area?

None of this is the OP's issue to involve herself in and she's better off creating as much distance as possible.

pinkdelight · 06/08/2025 11:00

She also wanted me to fast forward her an interview for my work place and was asking for details on my employer etc due to me working remotely.

I would also not get involved in this, given how she's being about the childcare. She's putting her problems onto you to solve and that doesn't bode well for bringing her into your work. Don't be guilt-tripped by her tears, she has no issue being pushy and could be a CF. Being charitable, she may just be stressed and trying to do the best for her DC but there are routes to getting childcare and jobs and you're not one of them.

Leeds2 · 06/08/2025 11:02

Purpleisnotmycolour · 06/08/2025 10:42

Can you point her towards home start if there's a branch nearby to get some help.

What sort of help do you think Home Start could offer? I volunteer for them, and my group offer a volunteer to visit a family in their home, with mum or dad present, for a couple of hours a week. We don’t do babysitting. I’m not sure if this is what you mean?

outerspacepotato · 06/08/2025 11:03

Why would you feel bad?

Your neighbor's childcare is her issue to sort. Not yours. You're already working from home and have your own kids. An 11 month old needs quite a bit of care and supervision.

Same with your job. She's actually being really intrusive and trying to make her problems yours and that will not end well for you if you let her barge your life.

JudgeJ · 06/08/2025 11:05

JMSA · 06/08/2025 10:31

I would do it as a one-off to help someone out. But it sounds like she wanted this arrangement on an ongoing basis. And that would be a no.

Knowing what she's said, then not even once, that would be the thin end of the wedge. At the end of they day we all have our challenges in life, taking on other people's problems would only add to that.

Meadowfinch · 06/08/2025 11:06

YANBU.

You cannot safely look after two children and work from home. Plus you are not responsible for her childcare needs. She shouldn't have taken her child out of nursery before organising alternative provision.

I had no support at all - not once, from birth to when my ds left primary school, and it can be done, when organised sensibly. She also has parents helping her, so do not feel guilty.

She needs to return her child to nursery while she finds alternative provision, which she can do by accessing the online list of Ofsted approved child minders.

Epidote · 06/08/2025 11:07

YANBU to refuse to take care of the child.
She looks desperate trying to make work a last minute arrangement after the nursery incident. She is not unreasonable asking, venting or crying.
It is very tiring and frustrating when things like this happen. I had to arrange something similar temporary when my DD was 2 and I wanted to cry all the time.
She will find the solution as I did. But in the meantime is really hard time.

wizzywig · 06/08/2025 11:07

Her boundaries are totally screwed if she thinks it's ok to ask what is pretty much a stranger to babysit her kids.

Doingmybest12 · 06/08/2025 11:08

She's asking you to work as an illegal childminder ,so apart from everything else it's just a no.

Samscaff · 06/08/2025 11:08

No. Her problems are not your responsibility. You might want to be kind and agree to a day or two as a favour while she sorts herself out, but then it might be hard not to agree to more. It’s perfectly reasonable for you to just say no, as you have done.

It sounds as if she has unrealistic expectations of others and was too hasty in taking her child out of the nursery - if there were real problems there she should report them as a matter of urgency, and if there weren’t she should leave the child there.

In any case, surely you have to be a registered childminder to accept payment for looking after someone else's child?

You could give her the details of how to apply for a job at your firm but I wouldn't do more than that. You could end up in a very difficult position if you recommended her and she turned out to be unreliable or no good.

thepariscrimefiles · 06/08/2025 11:09

Normally, if you look after someone's child for money in your own home, you would need to register as a childminder. You can only look after an unrelated child for money without being registered if the care is provided for less than 2 hours a day or 14 days a year and it's not in the childminder's home.

She does sound desparate but you can't provide the child care that she needs and you are not being unreasonable.

Grow123 · 06/08/2025 11:11

I'd help a neighbour if it was a one off or an emergency. But become a full time child care? Nope.

FullOfMomsense · 06/08/2025 11:12

So she has no money but claims she'll pay you? And wants a job at your place of work? Tell her you've spoken to the right people and they're not hiring. Maybe send her some links to childminders or nurseries near you.

It's concerning that she wants a remote job, most likely so she can care for her DC while working- that's not good!

Original poster
kimmmym · 06/08/2025 11:12

My neighbour is an OK person but I do find her quite intrusive and I don’t really like talking to her as she will keep me taking for ages.

I just want a “hello how are you?” kind of relationship.
She acts as if we are friends when we are just neighbours.

I just don’t want to be getting involved with her like that as I am a private person anyway and I do feel she does try to force a friendship with me (and other neighbours who have also commented on this).

The babysitting of wouldn’t be a one off she was hoping for a long term arrangement until she either finds a new job/ reduces her hours/finds an alternative nursery.

Apparently she watches neighbours on her Ringdoor and then when she see’s various neighbours she will come out and start a convo and then start asking for favours as she has asked other neighbours to help with childcare amongst other things, not just me.

It is tricky as she is struggling but I have enough on my own plate.

OP posts:
HopingForTheBest25 · 06/08/2025 11:13

I wouldn't do this either OP. I've been a childminder - looking after someone else's child comes with all sorts of responsibilities and risks and is much harder than looking after your own child. It's not something to just 'do' because you are asked!

I also think that once you get sucked into helping, she will start to rely on you as one of her back ups. But you don't even really know her, she isn't a close friend or family. Neighbours are just people who happen to have bought/rented houses on the same street - living in close proximity doesn't mean you have a duty to fix their life problems, anymore than it would oblige you to do this for a total stranger in the street.

She's bonkers to ask this tbh. You have a job and a family of your own.

Mumof3delights · 06/08/2025 11:14

I wouldn’t feel bad or guilty, it’s your right to say no for what ever reason. At the end of the day she may well be in a difficult position with childcare but that’s not down to you to fix it. She needs to sort this out herself weather that be getting child into another nursery or changing her hours with work. If she wants a remote working job then surely she can job search herself. Seems to me she is just looking for an easy way out of things.

HopingForTheBest25 · 06/08/2025 11:16

Cross posted with your last post - honestly she sounds nuts and you should steer well clear. Don't help her to get a job in your workplace - if it all went pear shaped that would bounce back onto you!

Dunnocantthinkofone · 06/08/2025 11:17

With your update, she sounds like an absolute bloody chancer quite frankly

Do not get involved, even for a day. You’ll never got rid of her

BCSurvivor · 06/08/2025 11:19

OP, I wouldn't do it.
One day as a favour will either turn in to a regular arrangement or she will put emotional pressure/blackmail on you so that you back down.
Or knock on your door randomly with child in her arms asking for ''just once, only once, please as I am desperate''

PrincessFairyWren · 06/08/2025 11:19

You can feel bad for her while not feeling bad for either saying no ( for any reason) or for not having the personal capacity to help.

goldenquestion · 06/08/2025 11:19

I'd probably have offered to help as a one off if I could, but not as an ongoing thing. And it sounds like you might've got tied in, so on balance you probably did the right thing.

For the people saying being paid to care for children is illegal if you aren't a registered childminder, that's nonsense. Teenagers have been babysitting for pocket money for time immemorial!

Mothership4two · 06/08/2025 11:20

AIBU that I said I couldn’t help?

Obviously not. She may be in a bind, but that is quite a massive assumption for her to make and to put that on a neighbour. Personally I wouldn't even do it as a one-off after that. You gave a reasonable response and, although it's sad for her, you don't owe her anything, she's not family or a friend - and it's a baby