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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour asked me to babysit her child whilst she works

167 replies

kimmmym · 06/08/2025 10:27

So basically my next door neighbour has asked me to babysit her 11 month old baby whilst she works.

The baby has been in nursery but there was an incident last week (didn’t mention what) so she has now taken him out for the time being whilst she decides what to do next.

I work from home part time and also look after my toddler DC whilst OH works full time.

My neighbour has said that she will pay me and it won’t be every day as her mum will have her son some days.

She also wanted me to fast forward her an interview for my work place and was asking for details on my employer etc due to me working remotely.

I have told her I can’t do it as I am too busy with my own children and I do not want the responsibility of another child.

She said nobody helps her apart from her mum and the father of the child ( DV issues) and he has not paid any maintenance to her since the child has been born and has now also failed to collect the child for the court order arranged visits.

I do feel sorry for her as she does appear to be struggling and needs money but I can’t help her.

When I told her I couldn’t do it she burst out crying.

I feel really bad now.

AIBU that I said I couldn’t help?

OP posts:
ArcheryAnnie · 06/08/2025 11:20

I think - as long as you trust her, and she clearly trusts you - that an occasional reciprocal arrangement between two neighbours to occasionally look after each other kids is a lovely thing.

But yeah, an unregulated paid regular arrangement is just not on for so many reasons.

PennywisePoundFoolish · 06/08/2025 11:20

YANBU to say no. Asides from the legalities of being paid to care for her child in your home, an 11 month old needs full attention and you can't do that and work. You also don't know what the incident is. Maybe it was poor care by nursery, but it could also be she's run up arrears. She'll have to look for other nurseries or childminders.

I would direct her to the Work From Home Hub website for jobs.

GreyCarpet · 06/08/2025 11:20

kimmmym · 06/08/2025 11:12

My neighbour is an OK person but I do find her quite intrusive and I don’t really like talking to her as she will keep me taking for ages.

I just want a “hello how are you?” kind of relationship.
She acts as if we are friends when we are just neighbours.

I just don’t want to be getting involved with her like that as I am a private person anyway and I do feel she does try to force a friendship with me (and other neighbours who have also commented on this).

The babysitting of wouldn’t be a one off she was hoping for a long term arrangement until she either finds a new job/ reduces her hours/finds an alternative nursery.

Apparently she watches neighbours on her Ringdoor and then when she see’s various neighbours she will come out and start a convo and then start asking for favours as she has asked other neighbours to help with childcare amongst other things, not just me.

It is tricky as she is struggling but I have enough on my own plate.

Th, this situation is the opposite of tricky.

It's an obvious, doubtless and absolute no. Not at all. Under any circumstances.

This is not someone you want to invite into your life in any way.

People like this need even firmer boundaries than you'd normally have not fewer because they're struggling.

Dunnocantthinkofone · 06/08/2025 11:21

Babysitters care for a child in the child’s home though - I thought that was the distinction?

OldBeyondMyYears · 06/08/2025 11:21

Purpleisnotmycolour · 06/08/2025 10:42

Can you point her towards home start if there's a branch nearby to get some help.

What?? Why should the OP ‘point her in the direction’ of anything? It’s not the OPs job to research local childcare for her neighbour ffs!

goldenquestion · 06/08/2025 11:22

OldBeyondMyYears · 06/08/2025 11:21

What?? Why should the OP ‘point her in the direction’ of anything? It’s not the OPs job to research local childcare for her neighbour ffs!

Show quote history

Because some people are nice and like to help others. Of course it isn't her responsibility, doesn't stop her helping if she wants to.

pinkdelight · 06/08/2025 11:22

Given your latest post then absolutely YANBU. You want it to be limited to a 'hello' relationship so don't be pressured into going beyond that. What you've said about her using the Ring to swoop on people for favours is CF territory and you're totally justified in backing right off. Definitely don't involve her in your work. Can you imagine how much she'll want to talk/befriend/use you after that?!

Radiatorsa · 06/08/2025 11:23

Do not get involved OP.
She is looking for someone to use.
Keep your distance and your business to yourself.

chattychatchatty · 06/08/2025 11:23

I think if anyone needs to be understanding and give her a bit of support in the short term here, it’s her employer; it’s certainly not you. It sounds like there are other people in her life who could help. Sorry to say it sounds like if you give an inch she’ll look to take a lot more.

GreyCarpet · 06/08/2025 11:23

I would direct her to the Work From Home Hub website for jobs.

My phone screen is cracked and I genuinely read that as directing her to porn hub for work 🤣

Aside from that, it's not the OP's responsibility to direct her anywhere.

The message needs to be clear and consistent - I can't help.

No, "Sorry"; no, "Well I might be able to..."; no, "Have you looked at...'

Nothing.

MyDeftHedgehog · 06/08/2025 11:23

Don't feel bad. Its sad for her but not uour problem. Even if it's a one-off, it sets a precedent that can become an expectation. I know this from experience and I learnt my lesson fast!!

Coffeeishot · 06/08/2025 11:24

Purpleisnotmycolour · 06/08/2025 10:42

Can you point her towards home start if there's a branch nearby to get some help.

Homestart don't babysit whilst parents are working all day,

Op it is absolutely fine to say no she sounds desperate and that can make people cheeky but it isn't your issue.

Sittingatthebottomofthegarden · 06/08/2025 11:24

kimmmym · 06/08/2025 10:27

So basically my next door neighbour has asked me to babysit her 11 month old baby whilst she works.

The baby has been in nursery but there was an incident last week (didn’t mention what) so she has now taken him out for the time being whilst she decides what to do next.

I work from home part time and also look after my toddler DC whilst OH works full time.

My neighbour has said that she will pay me and it won’t be every day as her mum will have her son some days.

She also wanted me to fast forward her an interview for my work place and was asking for details on my employer etc due to me working remotely.

I have told her I can’t do it as I am too busy with my own children and I do not want the responsibility of another child.

She said nobody helps her apart from her mum and the father of the child ( DV issues) and he has not paid any maintenance to her since the child has been born and has now also failed to collect the child for the court order arranged visits.

I do feel sorry for her as she does appear to be struggling and needs money but I can’t help her.

When I told her I couldn’t do it she burst out crying.

I feel really bad now.

AIBU that I said I couldn’t help?

You say - No I can’t do that. I have enough on my own plate as it is. I can’t do what you are asking.

GreyCarpet · 06/08/2025 11:26

goldenquestion · 06/08/2025 11:22

Because some people are nice and like to help others. Of course it isn't her responsibility, doesn't stop her helping if she wants to.

Show quote history

(And this is why we end up with endless threads by women who feel put upon by various people and ask why men aren't put upon in the same way.)

Brefugee · 06/08/2025 11:26

Germanroadman · 06/08/2025 10:34

She can’t go around having these types of expectations of people she doesn’t even know she will walk through life very disappointed. That is an issue for her to deal with though.

Just be firm with your no and let the guilt dissipate.

Edited

it was a question not an expectation FGS.

She sounds at the end of her tether, and in OPs position i would offer a day or an afternoon while she sorts out some other permanent childcare.

Advancing a job application? it doesn't hurt to ask, does it? OP can just say "no, sorry" and leave it at that

Giving a bit of info about what the company is like to work for etc would be kind and friendly and helpful to a woman who is clearly at the end of her tether.

Vaxtable · 06/08/2025 11:27

Don’t feel bad.i would suggest to her she speaks to her employer and asks for emergency leave for a couple of days to sort childcare and she finds another nursery

Hesma · 06/08/2025 11:29

If she wants to you have the baby at your house that is childminding, not babysitting. In order to childmind you need to be OFSTED registered which you’re not so sorry but you can’t look after her child.

Don’t feel bad, you work part time and spend time with your son. That is your life and should be your priority. Please don’t let someone else guilt you into doing something you don’t want to do. It’s taken me a long time to learn to put myself first and say no after years of running myself ragged trying to please everyone.

Carandache18 · 06/08/2025 11:31

goldenquestion · 06/08/2025 11:19

I'd probably have offered to help as a one off if I could, but not as an ongoing thing. And it sounds like you might've got tied in, so on balance you probably did the right thing.

For the people saying being paid to care for children is illegal if you aren't a registered childminder, that's nonsense. Teenagers have been babysitting for pocket money for time immemorial!

I think babysitting is done in the child's home though. I have a friend who is a childminder and ìt means that her home and garden have to be assessed as safe. It's very thorough.

Zov · 06/08/2025 11:31

Of course YANBU. No WAY would I be babysitting someone else's baby/child. Let alone a random neighbour. Not your problem that she can't find childcare. ALSO, I am pretty sure it's illegal to do it anyway, as you have to be a qualified childminder.

ArcheryAnnie · 06/08/2025 11:33

GreyCarpet · 06/08/2025 11:26

(And this is why we end up with endless threads by women who feel put upon by various people and ask why men aren't put upon in the same way.)

Edited
Show quote history

I agree with everyone else here that the OP can't accommodate her neighbour's request, but I do think we are in danger of throwing the baby out with the bathwater. My son is now a young adult, but his childhood - and my life as a mum - was actively enhanced by being part of a small network of women who helped each other out from time to time. There was no obligation, but we babysat each other's kids, had them for sleepovers, sent our kids over to them for sleepovers, walked them home from school, had them collected from school, etc etc. This baby is 11 months, so none of that yet applies, but this weird insistence that each family is a hermetically-sealed unit that must under no circumstances be breached risks all of us missing out.

In this case, I think - as I've said - the OP is right to say no, for many reasons. But the overall tone of the replies really worries me.

notanothersummercold · 06/08/2025 11:33

Nothing worse than a needy neighbour - l don't mean a neighbour in need, that's different but this sounded like she wanted an ongoing arrangement.

PhuckTrump · 06/08/2025 11:36

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 06/08/2025 10:39

If she is offering to pay you, @kimmmym, wouldn’t you have to be approved as a childminder? Not to mention insurance? It would be an absolute minefield for you, and I think you have done absolutely the right thing by refusing.

This. If she pays you, you’ll need to

  • register with your council as a childminder and take their childminder course
  • notify your home insurance
  • register with Ofsted
  • get a home inspection from your council and sort things like French doors (shatterproof glass), etc
  • have an up-to-date paediatric first aid qualification

This is no small feat. Say no. When you’re WFH, you’re still WORKING. My employer would be livid if they found out I was running a childminding side hustle whilst on the clock for them.

GRex · 06/08/2025 11:37

I would be kind and get her the contact numbers of other local playgroups and nurseries. For work - sorry, no vacancies it's a very small firm. As for the rest, she seems very inappropriate; she also isn't your problem so step in only in an emergency.

pinkdelight · 06/08/2025 11:38

ArcheryAnnie · 06/08/2025 11:33

I agree with everyone else here that the OP can't accommodate her neighbour's request, but I do think we are in danger of throwing the baby out with the bathwater. My son is now a young adult, but his childhood - and my life as a mum - was actively enhanced by being part of a small network of women who helped each other out from time to time. There was no obligation, but we babysat each other's kids, had them for sleepovers, sent our kids over to them for sleepovers, walked them home from school, had them collected from school, etc etc. This baby is 11 months, so none of that yet applies, but this weird insistence that each family is a hermetically-sealed unit that must under no circumstances be breached risks all of us missing out.

In this case, I think - as I've said - the OP is right to say no, for many reasons. But the overall tone of the replies really worries me.

Show quote history

In this case, I think - as I've said - the OP is right to say no, for many reasons. But the overall tone of the replies really worries me.

The overall tone of the replies is responding to this case. Not some other case where the vibe is of a nice network of mutually supportive parents.

goldenquestion · 06/08/2025 11:50

GreyCarpet · 06/08/2025 11:26

(And this is why we end up with endless threads by women who feel put upon by various people and ask why men aren't put upon in the same way.)

Edited
Show quote history

Really? My ex husband was, and my son in law is, forever being asked to pop round peoples houses to do odd jobs? I don't think men are free from this, although the requests are usually very gender based I agree.