Scolding DS's accident

[ellie09]

Hi all

My DP moved in with me, DS (8 year old) and my dog about 2 months ago now with his 2 cats. We knew it was going to be an adjustment period as far as the pets were concerned.

At the moment, we have the dog downstairs and cats upstairs. We are slowly introducing them and they are now at the point where they can be about a metre away from each other with supervision and remain calm in each others company. We still keep them separated when we are working etc and unable to supervise, so the door downstairs remains closed.

Today, DS accidentally left the door open a little, which resulted in the dog running up the stairs. No big deal, I just ran up and got dog back downstairs.

However, DP seems to have taken it a bit too far (in my eyes). He immediately scolded DS and gave him silent treatment, stomped around the house sulking that all the work put in with the pets is now a waste as the cats will be scared etc etc.

I told DP that it wasn't a big deal, it was an accident and to just forget it, to which he said "oh I'm sure it wasnt an accident". At this point, I told him he was taking it too fad now, and gave him silent treatment back the same way he feels its ok to give DS.

AIBU or is his reaction unreasonable?

I cant stand by scolding and punishing DS for an accident and something that didnt cause any harm etc.

I'd tell him and the cats to piss off. Your poor son doesn't deserve this hassle.

What is so important about being in a relationship that you would put your son (and yourself) through this person's childish behaviour?

Get rid - do it now.

Of course he apologised and said he felt bad. That is what you wanted to hear.

You told him his behaviour will not be tolerated anymore whilst also tolerating it.

You are putting both your son and yourself in grave danger here.

The abuse starts small, it always does. They are always sorry. Before you know it you are cowering in the corner of the room and he is saying ‘I’m sorry you made me do it’

It might never become physical, it might. You will turn into a mere shell of yourself walking on eggshells terrified in your own home. You child will be frightened, traumatised and potentially grow into a man just like this cunt you have let into his life

That's if you both live long enough of course

Accidentally leaving a door open ONCE is the very definition of a “mistake” ffs - have you never done something like that when busy/distracted/not thinking? and he’s only 8!!

He’s not going to be a perfect human being - and neither are any of us, so he needs a little grace. From you and the OP’s partner.

Such a Pick Me Girl attitude.

You are contradicting yourself with second paragraph make your mind up

How is she contradicting herself?

She isn't contradicting herself at all. @simsbustinoutmimi just has difficulty with nuance.

I never understand women who find men with so little to lose that they can move into women and children's homes without worrying about what they are going to do with the property they have left behind.

And if they have no abode that they are invested in enough (whether via rent or mortgage) , but the woman as a single parent has, they are not yoked.

Much less to move in a stroppy man .
Since when have men become The Prize in heterosexuality? I must move in a different timezone.

Stop moving men into your yards who find it so easy to let go the yard that you found them with.

Nobody with good intentions or sense leaves their home as a big person to live in somebody else's home that they have no legal dominion over.

At my big age, I couldn't just move in with my boyfriend unless we were going to sell up our individual gaffs to buy together.

And that would be unwise as we both have adult children, not together who we want to leave an inheritance to.

Single mothers who have by hook or crook found/retained themselves a home for their children should not be moving in grown men who either haven't got a home for themselves or who carelessly gives it up to live somewhere that their name is not on the tenancy agreement or mortgage.

Cheap arses at best. Carpetbaggers one of the worst case scenarios.

She isn’t.

I don’t think I have been on a thread before where one poster has dominated the thread so much whilst also talking absolute nonsense.

I’d get rid of him. Giving the silent treatment to an 8 yr old? Unacceptable. Yuck I’d have gone right off him, the immature twat. Don’t subject your child to this idiot, what a miserable family life ahead of him, poor kid.

I just hope OP is sensible and intelligent enough to have zero tolerance in place for anything remotely touching on this behaviour again.

OP he needs to know there are no more chances, once was enough and you need to mean it!

Two bloody months he’s been there and already throwing his weight around, at least you know early OP. Don’t let your son down!

God I hate posts like this, why move him in? The worst thing you can do for a child is move a man in and this one sounds awful.

Your poor Ds.

If this was my dd he would be moving straight back out.

He was oh so worried about the cats being scared but has actively set out to scare your DS.

This will not end well.
Please do not put your son in this horrible situation

No, it's not acceptable. The kid is 8, it was an accident. Do not hold children to impossible standards. Leaving a door cracked, once in two months?! That kid is doing fabulous.

I wouldn't have ever had him move in with 2 cats, without the pets bonding first, so now everyone is uptight and stressed, keeping doors closed, stressing the animals and your child.

No one is agreeing with your toxic parenting beliefs. Just Drop it.

What does your ds think of your dp @ellie09 ?

Yes quite odd. I'm not convinced that poster has children or knows anything about them.

Get him out to protect his cats.

I would consider re homing the cats sooner rather than later.

Ds made a mistake that an adult could have easily made and did not deserve the cruel reaction that he got from your partner. For someone who has apparently known your son for 2.5 YEARS, it’s strange that he seems to know nothing about 8 year old boys.

If you’d made the mistake would he have reacted the same? Why should an 8 year old boy have to tolerate that awful behaviour? Poor ds 😢

The future eggs shells I bet your child has to walk on will really shape the relationship you have with him once he is old enough to move out.
I hope this man is worth that.
And after 2 months if the dog cant even go upstairs for 1 minute then the plan is not working.

Either the dog or cats need to go.
Do you have a litter tray upstairs?

That in itself is not nice.

It’s not quite just leaving a door open. Kid knows that the dog terrifies the cats. It was a mistake but it does warrant a word however silent treatment is wrong.

unless partner gives the cats to his aunt/mum (I forget who it was) that’s not really fair. I agree it’s shit on the animals and dog was there first but DP should be moving back if he doesn’t want to give the cat to a loved one, i have no idea why they didn’t speak about the pets before making a decision about moving in together. He would’ve known cat was terrified of the dogs

Scolding YOUR child, sulking, silent treatment? This would not be a relationship I'd be continuing.