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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Scolding DS's accident

236 replies

ellie09 · 05/08/2025 21:51

Hi all

My DP moved in with me, DS (8 year old) and my dog about 2 months ago now with his 2 cats. We knew it was going to be an adjustment period as far as the pets were concerned.

At the moment, we have the dog downstairs and cats upstairs. We are slowly introducing them and they are now at the point where they can be about a metre away from each other with supervision and remain calm in each others company. We still keep them separated when we are working etc and unable to supervise, so the door downstairs remains closed.

Today, DS accidentally left the door open a little, which resulted in the dog running up the stairs. No big deal, I just ran up and got dog back downstairs.

However, DP seems to have taken it a bit too far (in my eyes). He immediately scolded DS and gave him silent treatment, stomped around the house sulking that all the work put in with the pets is now a waste as the cats will be scared etc etc.

I told DP that it wasn't a big deal, it was an accident and to just forget it, to which he said "oh I'm sure it wasnt an accident". At this point, I told him he was taking it too fad now, and gave him silent treatment back the same way he feels its ok to give DS.

AIBU or is his reaction unreasonable?

I cant stand by scolding and punishing DS for an accident and something that didnt cause any harm etc.

OP posts:
Radiatorsa · 06/08/2025 11:09

anytipswelcome · 06/08/2025 11:08

This man, who you chose to move into your home with your little boy:

Gives your eight year old child the silent treatment after scolding him

Stomps around sulking

Told you that if you went back to the weight you were when you had a borderline eating disorder he “wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off” you (when ironically he is obese)

Told you you have “mum boobs”

Said when you were trying to lose weight that he “can wait to see the benefits” and for them to be “firmer” (you broke up with him for this but only briefly unfortunately)

Tells you anyone who went to your uni is “stupid” then admits saying it “to wind you up” as if that’s ok

Went through a phase of messaging “significantly younger” women he had previously dated while with you

Snores so loudly you can hear it from a different floor but won’t do anything about it

Goes back to random drunk women’s houses for takeaways

Your son has ADHD and ASD.

What the actual fuck are you thinking inflicting this man on him? It’s so unbelievably foolish and utterly selfish of you.

Your poor little boy.

Poor boy.
He doesn't have a chan e does he.

SomeOfTheTrouble · 06/08/2025 11:11

Radiatorsa · 06/08/2025 11:09

Poor boy.
He doesn't have a chan e does he.

Show quote history

The worst thing is, he’s learning to treat women (and children) the way that his mum’s partner treats them. That’s his role model.

GoldPoster · 06/08/2025 11:17

All these people on here caring more about the pets than the boy, you need to take a look at yourselves.

anytipswelcome · 06/08/2025 11:19

@ellie09

If you read back the list I wrote (and that’s only the things you’ve told us in your multiple threads about this awful relationship) do you really, honestly think that being in this relationship (let alone living with him) is in the best interests of your child?

You can’t do. So why are you choosing to do it?

Your poor son.

Absentmindedsmile · 06/08/2025 11:23

anytipswelcome · 06/08/2025 11:08

This man, who you chose to move into your home with your little boy:

Gives your eight year old child the silent treatment after scolding him

Stomps around sulking

Told you that if you went back to the weight you were when you had a borderline eating disorder he “wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off” you (when ironically he is obese)

Told you you have “mum boobs”

Said when you were trying to lose weight that he “can wait to see the benefits” and for them to be “firmer” (you broke up with him for this but only briefly unfortunately)

Tells you anyone who went to your uni is “stupid” then admits saying it “to wind you up” as if that’s ok

Went through a phase of messaging “significantly younger” women he had previously dated while with you

Snores so loudly you can hear it from a different floor but won’t do anything about it

Goes back to random drunk women’s houses for takeaways

Your son has ADHD and ASD.

What the actual fuck are you thinking inflicting this man on him? It’s so unbelievably foolish and utterly selfish of you.

Your poor little boy.

Where did OP say those things??

WhereYouLeftIt · 06/08/2025 11:26

Absentmindedsmile · 06/08/2025 11:23

Where did OP say those things??

Show quote history

Over several previous threads.

https://www.mumsnet.com/search/advanced#/?username=ellie09&type=op&topics=&page=1&sort=_search

SeagullFreeZone · 06/08/2025 11:27

It’s just depressing.

mraladdinsir · 06/08/2025 11:29

Poor wee boy. Poor you too. Not a nice situation for anyone. I know he’s apologised but that wouldn’t be enough for me. Any man who can use silent treatment on a child, my child, even once would be out of my house I’m afraid. I feel bad for you as it’s a huge upheaval, but this man has shown he is not good for your son. Be the amazing mum you are - you came on here asking for advice so you already made the best decision possible - checking for your son. Please ask him to move out and either go back to dating without your child being involved, or end it altogether.

Absentmindedsmile · 06/08/2025 11:31

Oh no. I’m sorry OP, he’s an abusive man. Domestic abuse isn’t always physical violence.

I’m sure you need help from somebody -do you have good friends or close family?

TheSaddestSong · 06/08/2025 11:39

ellie09 · 06/08/2025 11:00

DP and I talked this morning before DS got up and he said he feels bad, as he over reacted and it was just an accident.

He went and apologised to DS this morning and told DS that he was out of line and that he was very sorry for his behaviour.

I have told DP that this behaviour will not be tolerated any longer and that he is the adult and needs to lead by example.

Just to add, DS already had his rules set in place before DP moved in, so this isnt anything new for DS. I just had to make DP aware of the rules for DS.

So he is staying? These men often apologise, but they always do it again. He’ll do it again, apologise, you’ll let it go, excusing it like you have this time and the cycle will continue. Your poor son, you have let him down.

Zempy · 06/08/2025 11:40

Off he fucks.

SeagullFreeZone · 06/08/2025 11:41

Nah - she won’t kick him out.

nomas · 06/08/2025 11:43

I’m an adult and I have forgotten to close the door on multiple occasions in a similar situation!

OP, you have had the benefit of seeing early on how this man will treat your son.

Please prioritise your child and get this man out of your house.

TheSaddestSong · 06/08/2025 11:45

SeagullFreeZone · 06/08/2025 11:41

Nah - she won’t kick him out.

She’s not. They’ve had a chat and it’s all sorted. Poor child.

Ddakji · 06/08/2025 11:45

@ellie09 you have started multiple threads since your DP moved in with you, none of which show him in a good light and you are clearly unhappy.

This is simply the latest. I have no doubt that over the next few months there will be more.

I have no idea why you’re with this man, or why you’ve moved him into your house, but you must put your DS first.

Spinachpastapicker · 06/08/2025 11:46

HoneyHoneyHowYouThrillMe · 05/08/2025 22:03

God I absolutely wouldn't have that. Fuck that! You have no children and know nothing about them, so NO, you don't get to throw your weight around with my son.

Scolding, silent treatment, stomping around and sulking?? Seriously, why hasn't he been sent packing?

Agree. Sulking and silent treatment are precursors to emotional abuse and signs he doesn’t know/doesn’t want to resolve issues in an adult mature reasonable way.

Get him out, or make this his final warning.

SeagullFreeZone · 06/08/2025 11:47

Some woman can’t bear the thought of not being in a relationship. Any man - no matter how shit he is - is better than not having a man.

Marmalade71 · 06/08/2025 12:02

Poor son, and tbh, poor cats. Both must feel unsettled at best, unsafe at worst, in their own home.

I know hindsight is easy but this was always going to be a challenge. Managing that kind of responsibility without the occasional lapse is probably beyond the development of most 8 year olds - it would be hard enough for adults to never forget to close a door.

As to the silent treatment. Both adults need to grow up and take some responsibility for this situation.

strawberrysea · 06/08/2025 12:06

It depends on how your child usually behaves. Everyone is saying ‘red flag’ but he’s been in the boy’s life for a while now and so if this is a one off I’d put it down to frustration and explain that the silent treatment isn’t acceptable.

SomeOfTheTrouble · 06/08/2025 12:08

strawberrysea · 06/08/2025 12:06

It depends on how your child usually behaves. Everyone is saying ‘red flag’ but he’s been in the boy’s life for a while now and so if this is a one off I’d put it down to frustration and explain that the silent treatment isn’t acceptable.

He’s a grown adult. He should know that the silent treatment isn’t acceptable. He shouldn’t need it explaining to him.

BauhausOfEliott · 06/08/2025 12:15

You've been posting pretty much constantly about your issues with your partner both before and after he moved in. You don't like his cats and wanted him to 'get rid' of them; you don't think he parents your child enough when you're both at home; you don't have sex enough; he comments on your weight after seeing pictures of you when you were thinner... the list is endless.

Honestly, you are not compatible. It was mad that you moved in together.

Marmalade71 · 06/08/2025 12:51

Wow now I know the context, this is awful. So selfish to your child and his animals. You should both be ashamed 😞

TimeForABreak4 · 06/08/2025 12:53

My dad moved a childless woman in when I was eight and I was so thankful when the relationship ended when I was 12. She used to give me in to trouble for the most minor things that just got worse as time went on. It was a horrible way to live walking on eggshells and I went from loving going at weekends to dreading it.

HoneyHoneyHowYouThrillMe · 06/08/2025 12:55

Honestly threads like this make me hope it's just a tedious troll playing a very long game. It's so depressing reading this type of story knowing the children are completely trapped and can do nothing at all to help themselves.

You do not have to stay in this situation; you could easily fix things for yourself and for your son.

howshouldibehave · 06/08/2025 13:09

he said he feels bad, as he over reacted and it was just an accident.

Where did your boyfriend live before he moved in with you, out of interest? Did he own his own property?

Hopefully he is genuinely sorry he reacted that way and not just saying sorry because he's panicking you'll kick him out and he'll have to go back and live with his mum...