AIBU - no card?

[Inpaineveryday]

Had my wedding last weekend - several friends didn’t even write us a nice card. I’m gutted and suddenly feel very unaware/naive about those friendships. 4 of these people I would have classed as close friends. Am I reading in to this? I wouldn’t dream of turning up to a wedding without at least giving a card congratulating the couple? Isn’t that basic etiquette, let alone what you would do as the minimum for a friend? One of these friends I’m particularly gutted about as I’ve really been there when times were hard for her. Even bought her Christmas food shop and presents for her child when she had not a single penny. A decade of friendship and not even a card? I don’t even know what to think, or am I just being sensitive?

Rude and tight fisted

Thanks for all of the replies! Quite interesting to see that people are so obviously on one side of the fence or the other!

There's no way I would show up to someone's wedding without a card and gift.

I agree OP, it's not about the gift, it's about the fact someone couldn't even make the smallest of effort on your biggest day.

I'm not a big fan of cards for the sake of cards but if I'm invited to someone's celebratory event, I always thought it goes without saying.

Ya, it's rude.

Did you get wedding presents from these people? @Inpaineveryday

If that's the case, why are the local card shops in my town always busy and online card sites are still going?

so so rude!!!
Anyone who can’t be bothered to give a card and present at your wedding should have declined the invite.

If it's four friends are you sure they haven't gone missing?

@paradisecircuswell this is it, why I’m a bit stuck. I can’t think of a sinister motive but at the same time why not a card for my wedding when I’ve attended other weddings with them and known them to gift and/or bring a card?

@Terrribletwosno, no present

Well, omg that's not good. How shit! I feel bad for you. Are you saying not even your family or just friends.?

Im with you. Defo would like and would send a card

Oh
That's rude though! I can't imagine going to a wedding empty handed 😱

I would be upset too. It’s about the sentiments of your friends not the present they buy. I love getting cards more than gifts.

If I was giving money, I'd put it in an envelope with a note.
But I wouldn't buy a card for that purpose.

I cannot understand this logic at all. Why on earth should somebody not take pleasure in a pretty card you've carefully chosen and then have hand written a loving or thoughtful message in?

You'll have to wrest my pen and my tastefully chosen cards from my cold, dead hand!

@Terrribletwosno all family who attended gave cards or gifts. Most friends did just several of mine who didn’t!

I'm 50, attended about 25 weddings and have never written a wedding card - unless I couldn't attend.

Your honestly reevaluating friendships over a bit of cardboard?
They made effort, time and money to attend your wedding.
Let it go

I really don’t understand “Nobody sends cards”. There are entire shops devoted to them on every high street, they’d go out of business if that was true. I’m with you @Inpaineveryday, it’s the least you’d expect of a wedding guest.

Humour me if you don't mind.

Where do you put the money of not in a card?

Or if sending a gift, how do they know it's from you if the card isn't attached to it?

I had the exact same scenario at my wedding. About 3 of my oldest friends didn’t get us a card. No gift either but I wasn’t arsed about that. I really thoght a card was just basic etiquette. I posted on here about it actually and lots of people thought I was BVU to have expected a congratulations card on my wedding day from my close friends. I would never show up to a wedding without a card

I like to send cards but perhaps I’m out of touch. I find the connection important.
Did your guests assume because you asked for no gifts, they could arrive empty handed?
If so, it’s shoddy.
You can say so too. Why not?

@Hankunamatatano not reevaluating just can’t quite ignore something so blatantly off and different in their behaviour to other weddings I’ve attended with them. Time, yes, money, perhaps on petrol or outfits but I haven’t asked them to buy a new outfit. Transport was put on, free bar, all food covered and accommodation too for as many as the hotel could provide which was very nearly everyone. My friend is even gluten free so I asked for my cake to be! It wasn’t a huge number in attendance. I’m not unreasonable - I did of course consider the cost of attending a wedding but genuinely we are lucky we could cover 95% of costs for people. Children were also welcome so no need for sitters.

I work at a card shop
unsure how it’s still going!

• pensioners buy cards for everyone for all occasions
• younger people for the first few mothers/Father’s Day
• new couples for valentines

that’s about it really, it’s mainly the oldies, younger people don’t seem to do cards

I would genuinely look into whether there's a chance some have gone missing or been stolen, as I think it's odd for that many people not to bother.