AIBU - no card?

[Inpaineveryday]

Had my wedding last weekend - several friends didn’t even write us a nice card. I’m gutted and suddenly feel very unaware/naive about those friendships. 4 of these people I would have classed as close friends. Am I reading in to this? I wouldn’t dream of turning up to a wedding without at least giving a card congratulating the couple? Isn’t that basic etiquette, let alone what you would do as the minimum for a friend? One of these friends I’m particularly gutted about as I’ve really been there when times were hard for her. Even bought her Christmas food shop and presents for her child when she had not a single penny. A decade of friendship and not even a card? I don’t even know what to think, or am I just being sensitive?

Yabu. Is it because you wanted money in them?

Many see cards as a waste of time and money, they’ve probably also a fair bit of money to be there.

Cards aren't a thing for most people now

Weird how people say people don't send cards anymore when there are thousands of card shops selling cards. They mean they don't bother. A card for a wedding is normal.

@Gollldddstaryes this is what I thought! It’s just kind of made me open my eyes a little bit and stop to think if it’s something I should look more closer at or just chill out and not read into!

I would have brought a gift anyway. Even if it was a nice bottle of champagne. And I’d send a thank you card afterwards.

@Lemonadeat8no not at all. I’ve always just seen it as manners to take a card. We certainly didn’t invite anyone to gain cash out of it. We in fact covered all meals, all drinks, provided transport and rooms for all our guests.

I’d concentrate on the fact that they turned up and spent time/money to attend. That means more.

I’d feel as you do. It’s comparatively minimal cost and little effort to acknowledge your special day.

@DappledThingsi’ll listen to this perspective for sure. I just think the card is an opportunity to express how you hold that person in your life with a nice sentimental message/well wishes. The day itself was such a blur we only really got to say hello to most.

If it’s more than 4 different people are you sure you haven’t lost some cards?

Well this is the most immature response here…

I would die a death before I turned up to someone’s wedding empty-handed.
YANBU, OP. At all 💐
Congratulations though!

If they came to your wedding with no card, gift or money as a gift I find that incredibly rude. I wouldn’t dream of turning up to a wedding empty handed. Or even a birthday party for that matter!

Card Factory is still busy whenever I go in, folks. A card for someone’s wedding is 100% normal.

I think to reconsider friendships with two of your longest relationships is a huge overreaction to be honest.
I always give a card, but I went to a friends wedding and stupidly left her card in the hotel I was staying in. I didn’t even give it to her the next day as I was too hungover. I did however travel several
hundred miles, pay for a hotel, pay for my bridesmaids dress and shoes and make up and hair and the hen do and a whole load of other organisational shit. Yeah I forgot the card and cash on the day but honestly if that had made her reconsider our friendship I would have chucked her in the bin.

If you have a great friendship regardless then I’d let it go, personally.

I’d love to be the kind of person who doesn’t notice these kind of things and let it wash over me.. but I expect my friends/family to treat me how I treat them so it’s hard to ignore. Good news is that a lot of people seem to agree that a card is the bare minimum for a wedding so you’re not alone in your thinking!!

Times may have changed but back when I got married you only got cards from people you invited but couldn’t come or from casual friends who weren’t invited.

It is quite rude but hardly surprising looking at some of the replies on this thread.

On some threads the majority of people are saying that you should give at least £100 as a wedding gift. On this one it seems it's fine to give nothing!

I think it's rude not to give a card with your love and best wishes for the couple.

I always take a card with me to a wedding. And a gift, from their list if they’ve got one or money which I assume is always useful.

@OnePerkyReaderI'm not reconsidering the friendships I’m just looking for opinions. I attended both of their weddings 7+ years ago and gifted generously. I couldn’t care about a gift or cash as it’s genuinely not needed, I’m just surprised that it wouldn’t strike them to get a card in return?

I think you're so valid, I love writing cards for events (birthdays etc) and I always make them so personal. I feel like it's a mini letter and such a lovely way to express something heartfelt and I always make it personal as well, I enjoy writing them and I hope my friends enjoy the messages. I wouldn't go to someone's wedding without a card, even if you didn't want a gift I'd get something small with it because it's just kind to do so. Especially if it's a close friend.

So your two closest friends attended your wedding without bringing a gift or a card? I think that is really rude of them. My only caveat would be if you had your wedding somewhere really expensive overseas and they have had to fork out a small fortune to attend. If that isn't the case, they have been really mean and thoughtless.

@ScrambledEggs12i think as well it’s skewing my perspective when your PIL’s neighbour, who wasn’t even invited to the wedding, physically posts you a card, but those who it wouldn’t even cross your mind to not bring you a card didn’t.

I think it's odd but I'm in the category of people who think it's extremely rude not to say and/or send thank you cards