AIBU - no card?

[Inpaineveryday]

Had my wedding last weekend - several friends didn’t even write us a nice card. I’m gutted and suddenly feel very unaware/naive about those friendships. 4 of these people I would have classed as close friends. Am I reading in to this? I wouldn’t dream of turning up to a wedding without at least giving a card congratulating the couple? Isn’t that basic etiquette, let alone what you would do as the minimum for a friend? One of these friends I’m particularly gutted about as I’ve really been there when times were hard for her. Even bought her Christmas food shop and presents for her child when she had not a single penny. A decade of friendship and not even a card? I don’t even know what to think, or am I just being sensitive?

You are right to feel upset at what appears to be thoughtless at best and pretty horrible at worst.
I can’t understand anyone going to a wedding and not giving a card wishing you the best or even a gift (what is affordable for them of course).
I’d examine your friendships - perhaps you’ve had blinkers on and now they’re off. Don’t make a hasty reaction but don’t ignore it either.

Just very rude and tight friends. You don’t need to ask for anything it’s just politeness to not go empty handed no matter what. Could have any of them been left or taken?

You sound so lovely OP.
Don't waste your energy on being hurt, but in future, match their energy completely.

You deserve better friends.
Gift yourself that realisation going forward.
Wishing you every happiness in your marriage.

@Radiatorsathank you! I love that… definitely gifting myself that realisation!

Are they people that actually attended your wedding? If so then definitely rude

Not a present or a card is definitely very mean especially from a supposedly close friend, l would definitely rethink the relationship.

@GentleJadeOPyes they all attended my wedding, all day, with their partners and children invited too.

Soooo rude. It's not you. Wishing you every happiness for all the years to come.....🤗( definitely time to reevaluate some friendships)

Yabu from my perspective - if I can’t attend a wedding- I send a card with a thoughtful message. If I am attending I hug and offer in person congratulations and share the special celebration with the couple on the day. If they have a wedding book, I’m definitely writing in it. I have never taken a card to the wedding. A gift with a gift card, yes. No more.

This is normal in my life. I had two cards for my wedding- one from a friend who couldn’t make it and one from dhs grandmother, who was there but I assumed it was a generational thing.

I’d be disappointed too OP. When attending weddings, if no registry I usually give a gift card, as I cringe at requests for money. Always given inside a nice card though. I wouldn’t dream of not giving a gift of some sort if I’ve attended a wedding.

You are decent and well mannered. Take the opportunity to get rid of these rude people out of your life!

Card sending may be old fashioned amongst the younger generation and may be done as a matter if course with no meaning.

But this woman got a day out and was invited to your wedding.

Drop her.

Just to let you know l have been to a couple of weddimgs and celebrations, retirement do's with free food and drinks

Where l have met people who were complete strangers.Who found out about the do, at a local pub or from friends and turned up for the free drink and food!!!

How low can you get!

Obviously very lax security and didn't mention it to the bride and hroom on the night. Not to spoil their very special ocassion.

Anyway. Many Wishes fior a Happy Marriage and Your Future Happiness.

🧚💐😻
X

She got nothing though. No gift card or gift from these tight wads. No cards wouldn’t have been much of an issue then. Just some acknowledgement!

i once asked about a gift lift for a baby shower to be told there wasn’t one which I thought was odd so turned up empty handed - not thinking they meant just bring what you want - doh felt so silly

Maybe because you didn’t do gift list they did the same

Lazy people don’t do cards. It’s nothing to buy a card they are 29p in some shops or 10 for £1. If you are coming to a wedding which the family have paid alot of money to have you there bring a bloody card. I kept all my wedding cards, so no environmental impact fyi before that card is played.

I love cards and most of my family and friends send them. I write cards for birthdays, Christmas, house moves, birth of a baby, illness, sympathy and anniversaries. I get a lot of pleasure out of sending and receiving them. I would definitely take a wedding card and gift. It's so rude not to. We got married in 1999 and still love looking at the dozens and dozens of cards we received.

seriously? It’s just a card. It’s not like they don’t RSVP or get drunk or snog someone they shouldn’t of

People can/do have different values. You’re free to hate on that but you can’t change people. Also you don’t know what’s going on in there life’s.

I find this surprising. I’ve pretty much done away with cards for anything except close friends and family’s birthdays. Not for environmental reasons (and sorry but I scoff at anyone who uses this excuse) but just because I’m too lazy. But I would never dream of going to someone’s wedding (even if ‘just’ the evening do) and not giving a card. My wedding was over 10 years ago so maybe times have changed but we did get a card from every single guest. I probably wouldn’t bother sending a card if I wasn’t invited to the wedding (not out of spite but just because it wouldn’t occur to me to do it).

OP I wonder if there’s been some kind of mix up with where to put the cards at the venue or something? I’m just REALLY surprised that anyone would think not giving a congrats card at a wedding is ok!

I don't think you're unreasonable AT ALL to think that your closest friends will bring you a card for your wedding,!
With or without a gift, but with a loving message in it.
I am purely astonished by some of these replies.
Whatever happened to kindness and friendship in this situation? You can make a card, for god's sake!

It would bother me too unless they bought a gift as I accept a lot of people "don't do cards". It's rude to not turn up with something.

I actually have a wedding on the weekend and making it my priority to go and get a card tomorrow for it. It's a bit of happiness reading and looking at the cards people get me for birthday and Christmas and I reciprocate that. But it does seem to be a dying fashion.

I couldn't attend someone's wedding and not get them anything especially as they've paid for me to be their for the day. I don't think yabu to feel a bit deflated about it, it is a bit thoughtless of them but I also wouldn't read into it too much either.

This.

People who attended our wedding in person gave us their greetings verbally on the day. They splashed out on outfits and travel. We provided venues, food, drink, entertainment, a photographer and accommodation.

Most guests were kind enough to purchase a gift from our wedding list but we made sure to say in the invite that it was just a guide to things that would help us set up our household and was totally not obligatory.

People who couldn't attend (just a few) sent cards and these were read out by the best man at the beginning of his speech.

I think this was the normal way of doing things in my day (20 odd years ago) so didn't expect cards from anyone who attended.

Just assume your friends were going with this convention and don't give it another thought, OP.

And congratulations!

How ridiculous! Weddings are so expensive that a card is the least a guest can do.
I got married last year and I really noticed those who didn’t bother to send a card! I wouldn’t dream of not sending one! I had friends fly in to attend my wedding and they still got us a gift even with all that expense! You can get a cheap card for pennies these days! Don’t bother buying any of them anything in future if that’s how they are going to be!
sorry, I’m angry for you 🤣

But they gave no gifts either. No cards, no gifts.

So so rude to turn up without a card to wedding.